Sunday, November 22, 2009

WHY am I still up!

I have a busy day starting in about 5 hours or less and I need to sleep. So why am I sitting here wide awake doing laundry? I hate when I get on a kick like this. That I'm getting so much done I don't want to sleep. We've had a marathon of cleaning for the last few days. Eileen, Olivia and I went through all their drawers and totes of clothes and weeded things out. We unearthed their bedroom floor from the piles of clothes and I was up to my eyeballs in laundry. It didn't help that I was already behind in everyday stuff due to the flu, crocheting and just not getting my butt down into the basement on a regular basis. These last few days though, I have and I've done at least 16 loads of laundry with a ton more to go. Especially since I went into Carrie's room and helped her sort her clothes which almost doubled the laundry from the day before. The girl is what I call a clothes hound. She can't get rid of any clothing. It all stops in her room. She's agreed to aggressively weed things out and pass on some things to her younger sisters. But it has to be washed first. I'm hoping I don't burn out on this in the next few days because I'd love to get into my room next which we won't even describe. Let's just say it's the worse room in the house and I'll be doing a lot of laundry and sorting with a lot of decision to be made. I'll need to find some boxes or totes since there's handme downs of all different sizes in there, mostly for Sean, but some for Danielle.

Can someone tell me what I am suppose to do with my baby stuff? Theoretically I could start needing in the next year or so if someone were to get married, have a baby and make me a grandma. But what about reality? I don't know what to hang on to and for how long! Sometimes it hurts to see it sitting there at the foot of my bed getting dusty. Oh to have a new baby to snuggle, to kiss and sniff on. I feel blessed though that the twinges aren't too bad, nor do they stick around very long. Still it can be hard for me to visit the pregnancy board I used to be on. Even if I do want to go and check up on my friends. Even though I'm at peace and know our decisions were the right thing and the best for us. There's times when start doubting and wonder....was it really though?

Here I'm admitting to yearning another baby and yet I'm being driven crazy by Sean. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death and he's the cutest thing on the earth. And one smart smart cookie. BUT (and there's always a but huh) he's still nursing and nursing a lot. I know, I'm weak but it breaks my heart when all he wants is to snuggle up to mom and nurse and he starts crying when I try to deny him that. I'm such a pushover. He takes my rear end in the chair as a cue that it's snuggle time. If I'm busy he'll tell me....NO clean mama! Sit! Nurse! I've always looked at mother's nursing older kids who self serve (pulling up the shirt and getting out the goods) and thought....that kid is way beyond being ready to wean! Yet, here Sean is....insisting....ME DO IT! His newest favorite thing to do is to cocoon under my shirt. He climbs totally under my shirt, tucking it under his back. His legs are usually somewhere in my armpit or sleeves. And if I'm trying to type or crochet or drink my coffee and he doesn't want me to....he kicks my arm away from me. Grrrrrrrr! I keep reminding myself that it's only for a little bit longer. Olivia was 30mos when she weaned but it was brought on by me having gall bladder surgery. I refuse to have surgery to wean him. I keep joking that I need to go away for a week and see if that does the trick.

I haven't really crocheted anything in the last few days. I've woven some ends in thus finishing up some projects. i've started and frogged quite a bit of things I've started. And it's bugging me. I don't want to get them done for the Christmas bazaar so much it's Christmas presents. (although I have a few non crochet projects for the bazaar I want/need to get cracking on!) Things are tight this year so I need to make a fair amount of gifts. It doesn't help that some projects require additional supply purchases and that can't happen for almost a week or more.

Well Sean just woke up and is looking for nursies. Guess that's my cue that it's time to stop rambling and try to get some sleep.

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