Changing things up a bit this time

The Largerfamilies blog decided to invite guest bloggers to join us with a post about the holidays. Being really busy with seasonal and last of the semester driving I never got a chance to ask any bloggers to take my day. Being desperate I asked my dad (1 of 13) if he wanted to write something for me. He declined since he's not a writer. He suggested one of his sisters. Knowing she's a Type A personality with a schedule full enough for 10 people, I decided not to try. I then turned to Tom...HEY! You're one of 7 kids. Do you want to write a piece for me? He said he'd think about it and never said anything else.

Last night (Thursday) I tried to gather my thoughts on what I was going to write about on Friday. Nothing really jumped out at me and I was pretty tired so decided to wait until morning. Well my morning was hopping and a bopping and I never got the chance to think about it, much less write it. About 2ish Tom called and asked if I still needed his story. He warned me it was short (not a bad thing) and read it to me over the phone. I said call me back when you have a few extra minutes and dictate it to me so I can put it up! So he did. And it's up. Introducing Tom's first ever blog post (actually first time he's done ANYTHING on the net).

Tom's Christmas Story/A Girl Named Sue

Making plans

Today is the first day I've been home this week. I'd decided I was going to get some wrapping done if it was the last thing I did. Danielle had been up for a while so I set the plan in motion....

Get Danielle down for a nap
Throw in a load of laundry
Clean up the livingroom floor
Grab some gifts out of the van while the kids were in school
Do some wrapping
Switch laundry
Do some more laundry

Danielle cooperated and feel asleep about 12:30. I started wrapping about 1ish and got a few things done. Then Danielle woke up again....45 mins!!! She slept a total of 45 mins! Trying to sit on the livingroom floor and wrap with her was like wrestling an octopus. First she had the tape dispenser and was freely liberating it from the roll. Then it was the wrapping paper that made tons of noise when your feet squinched it up. Can't ignore all the cool boxes of things mom had stacked up waiting to be wrapped. I absentmindedly ignored her for a while when she wasn't bothering me. She reappeared with marker all over her face and hands. I'm not sure WHICH room she found it, but at least I could wrap in peace. lol No one has screamed about their green whatnot yet. So I think I'm safe. I finished wrapping the last present I'd planned on doing just as the 1st trip kids got home at 3. :o) I didn't get tons done but put a dent into it.

After putting things away I realized I felt lightheaded and nauseated. I think I was fighting low sugar all day. While wrapping Danielle brought me an orange to peel which I gladly shared with her. Then I grabbed a tub of smoked turkey to gnaw on. I sat in the rocker and had Carrie hand me my meter....77 and quickly falling if how I felt was any indication. Carrie asked if I wanted her to make me something to eat and made me a turkey sandwich which I devoured! I was still feeling near the low end even though I was 90ish when I retested. While Tom and I were going over my lists I broke into the leftover candy from the bazaar.

Monday was Michelle's last day of classes. Danielle and I went to Walmart to grab some gifts. The little booger wanted to get out of the cart and play with the toys. I have Liz to thank for that one. Last time we were in there she let her get out and play. I think Danielle was also not feeling so great and was tired too. She was off the whole time we were in the store. We left WM parking lot and I headed to Big Lots. While driving there I thought...what am I CRAZY!?!? I just got done wrestling her in WM, not I'm going to torture her in Big Lots? So I went the long way back to the campus. By the time I got there Danielle was snoozing. Unfortunately as I pulled into a parking spot I realized...I HAVE TO PEE! There was NO way I was going to drive somewhere, wake up Danielle and drag her half asleep into a public bathroom. So I sat and suffered while I did a sudoku puzzle. Her nap didn't last long and we were heading to Big Lots to potty and run through the store. I pulled into the college parking lot about 5 mins before Michelle got out of class. She jumped in and we headed back to WM so she could do some Christmas shopping before heading home.

Tuesday Michelle and I spent the day at my parents' house. My mom had asked us in to help frost the 250 anise cutout cookies she'd made. Usually my grandmother is the one that helps her do it. I didn't want her to do it alone so we went in. We had a nice time talking and frosting...when I wasn't chasing Danielle that is. Luckily Danielle decided a nap would be a good thing to do so I could give frosting my full attention. Michelle and I were suppose to be home for dinner but my parents ordere pizza. I rearranged rides for kids that had activities to do and had the evening free. My dad decided we should take advantage of it and do some shopping. We didn't buy much but had fun walking through the stores anyways.

Tomorrow (Thurs) night we're going to a Christmas party. The TODAY study group is having it and hasinvited the whole family. I guess it's a catered dinner, so yeah for me! lol It's going to take a bit working of the schedules but we'll manage, we usually do. Tom will be getting out of work a bit early, Val will have to miss some of her volleyball practice, and we'll have to leave almost as soon as the 2nd trip kids get off the bus. The kids are really excited. I hope it lives up to their expectations. Either way I'm sure we'll have fun.

Time to go figure out outfits for tomorrow and the party.

Forgot a few things!

DUH! I can't believe I forgot to mention 2 key things from Dec 1st. Most important is....Patrick turned 21!!! I feel a bit bad since his celebration was a tad subdued. He worked until 6 or 7 and then went out for beer and wings with his friends. They came back here and spent the night hanging out in his room having fun. I was so busy with the bazaar and couldn't participate in the adult aspect of celebrating so didn't spend too much time up there with them. I do have to get his birth story written...last one...until this summer that is.

I'm a bit behind in touting my contribution to the Larger Families Blog. Things were so crazy here last month that for the first time, I had to blow off writing a piece at Thanksgiving time. I feel bad but you have to do what you have to do. The topic has been traveling. On the 1st I wrote... Make Sure You Pee Before We Go. Don't forget that you can find a menu of and links to my articles over there -------------> in my sidebar

Things are churning along....

The bazaar went well. I sold about half the things I brought. Although I didn't sell a single plate. Weird how one year they fly off the table and the next you can't give them away. I think next year I'll go back to non holiday fabrics (funky ones). I had tons of plans for when we got home Saturday. Instead I fell asleep on the couch and slept on and off for a few hours. I'm feeling icky more and more. Today I had cramping that was a bit disconcerting but it's gone now. Of course I'm a constant TP checker and am always relieved to see no blood.

This week is Michelle's last full week of the fall semester. Thurs is her last Tues/Thurs class, Mon is her last class...period. She was suppose to take a final next Tues in Math. Her average is so good that she's been excused from it. Although she has to take a quiz in the class on Monday. I can't believe I only have 1 day of driving her to Jess's house and one day of driving her to school left. It'll be so weird to not HAVE to go out the door everymorning. Well, with Christmas prep stuff needing to be done I don't know how much leisure time I'll have at home. I do feel like I'm doing well on my shopping. I still have to go through my prize closet and figure out exactly who gets what and how many small things I need for BILs house.

Today at Walmart there was a lady infront of us at the checkout. She reminded me SO much of my MIL!!!! She had curly red hair turning light strawberry with a tiny touch of gray. She was super friendly and talked to everyone. She was going gaagaa over Danielle. She bragged on her 5 grandkids. (after giving me a Puff's tissue for Danielle's obvious sore runny nose). It made me happy and sad at the same time. I wanted to bag her up and take her home with me, ask her to adopt me and my kids! I miss MIL a lot lately. :o(

I realized today that I hadn't seen Olivia's snack calendar for December (each child is assigned a certain day to bring in snack). When I got home I asked Olivia and she brought it to me. Her snack day is TOMORROW! PHEW! I didn't miss it. Although I'll probably have to give away all our bananas or oranges....haven't decided yet.

I don't know why but I've put off calling the OB. Part of it is that I've been out and about. But really that's not excuse since I have his number in my cell phone. I keep thinking I'll do it in the morning. Next thing I know tomorrow is gone and it's time for bed. TOMORROW I'll call and try to get in for Monday.

Karen...thanks for tagging me. I'll try to get to it soon. Right now it's too much thinking for this tired noggin. It won't be tomorrow since I'm hoping to organize my prize closet, start wrapping and get caught up on housework around here.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I was still around and things are going fine. Hope to be more active here since I SHOULD be home more often now.

It's bazaar time again

This year none of us ladies at church signed up for a table at the school Christmas bazaar. We've had a table each year for about the last ten years. One of the ladies at church got a call from the organizer. It seems they have space available...were we interested? Today after the meeting we decided to go for it. I agreed to it figuring I had 13 days to get things done. I didn't realize that the first Saturday of December was THIS Saturday...giving us 6 days to make things. YIKES!

Tonight I worked on fabric backed glass plates. 6 of them are drying now. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get some sealer and finish them. I'm also hoping to get some of my lightbulb snowmen started tomorrow. I'd have worked on them tonight but everything is in my bedroom and Tom was in bed by the time I was ready to dig everthing out. Tuesday I'll probably make up a batch of gingerbread dough ornaments, dipping them in cinnamon wax Wednesday evening. On Friday I'll make up a bunch of the candy mugs.

I'm thinking of doing a bit of sewing this year. I have some funky fabric samples that I want to make into small purses. I'm also hoping to get some lap blankets made. I have some cheerful children's fabric that will do well with the fleece I bought this summer when Hancock Fabric was closing. Maybe even making a Christmas stocking or two. :o)

I'm looking for other things to do quickly. The girls have crafts on Friday and we thought it would be nice if they could do something simple and quick then. So I'm on a search for them.

Pregnancywise, all the kids know (Carrie was told today...she was gone this weekend). I told my mom on Saturday. She didn't say congrats and was a bit reserved. I'm sure she's probably thinking I'm getting old and chances are it'll be a m/c again. Was a bit hard to swallow though since she's the one of my parents that congratulates me and acts happy when she hears it. It also made me miss my MIL all that more. I can't call and tell her about it! :o(

I was EXHAUSTED this morning and thought...what a change since yesterday! Then about 2ish I started getting a headache and it hit me...I never had any coffee this morning before church. So I'm not sure what the exhaustion was from now. The need to snack often is here and I've had one brief episode of feeling icky. Unlike with Danielle's pg where m/s made me uneasy. I'm really hoping it shows up and lets me know I'm pregnant!

What I bought this morning.....

NO! It wasn't used when I bought it. It took all my self control NOT to break the box open and run into the bathroom at Denny's after we finished up shopping. Good girl that I am, waited until I got home to use it.

I'm finding myself a bit reserved with the excitement. I didn't tell the kids right away like I normally do. Although they know tonight. I had the hpt in my skirt pocket and it fell out. Eileen found it before I could and figured it out. Some are excited. Some are reserved. Some asked if this baby can'/will die like the last one, :o( Some older ones wanted to know if I tried to get pg on purpose (not sure why that matters). Others were plugging their ears and singing lalalalala cause THAT is NOT an activity you want to know your parents are participating in. There was talk of the possiblity of me having babies when Drew and Allison do...in a few years. Told them it was my goal in life. lol

My edd looks to be August 2nd. I'll probably deliver 2wks early which puts me around Eileen's birthday...July 16th. She's excited. Says if I don't have it on her birthday, I can have it on Daddy's birthday (July 11th). So a 23mo age gap with Danielle.

Update....tired rambling may ensue

Thanks for all the hugs and such over my grandmother's passing. We're all doing well but I think we're still in survival/shocked mode also. Tomorrow (Sunday) will most likely be a hard day. Tom, Drew and I are headed to her apartment with my parents. We're packing up all her stuff and storing it in my parents' basement. There's tons of stuff to go through and pack up. I know it's going to be really hard for my mom. I feel like it's too soon but everything needs to be out of there by the 27th.

This lack of online time is really bugging me! I want to be able to just sit and surf all day! On Tuesday I usually have the computer no matter who's using it (unless it's a school assignment). It's just a given....Tues night...TOK chat time for mom! I was SICK with a major headache!!!!! So sick I spent most of the day in bed, sleeping. I'd planned on going to my mom's to visit my family from out of town but couldn't do it. It's the last thing they needed was to be dealing with an illness ontop of grieving too. In my weakened state I totally forgot it was Tuesday and I had chat. I couldn't have tolerated the brightness of the monitor anyways.

The headache was mostly gone by Wednesday morning. I was really worried that I'd be too sick to attend the service for my grandmother. But I did, and we made it on time, although it was pretty tight timewise. Tom totally underestimates the amount of time it takes to get on the other side of the city from here. There wasn't enough room for all of us to be seated in the viewing room. Some of the younger kids sat in an adjoining room. Danielle wanted to nurse so I stood in the other room with the kids and nursed her. I could look across the hall and see everything better then if I was sitting in my seat.

After the service we headed to my parents'. I'd given Allison a list of things that I wanted them to do to set up. When I informed my dad that they were immediately leaving the service to go set up he told me my brother was doing it. OK. Well he started. Guess who had to finish. I busted my rump getting and keeping everything in order/filled. Luckily my nieces love holding and watching Danielle so I didn't have to worry about her. :o)

Thursday was parent/teacher conferences...joy of all joys! Actually they didn't end up being half bad. Eileen's teacher had been out sick with the stomach bug all week. She called and rescheduled for this Tuesday afternoon. With that conference gone it allowed me to get out of school half an hour early. Luckily Olivia's teacher (last conference) was available early for me to talk to or I'd have had to wait. If Luke continues playing his homework games I might find myself a bit more compture time....since he'll be GROUNDED off of it! LOL

Friday found Carrie and I gone from 8:30am until 3pm at her TODAY clinic appointment. It's what they call a supervisit. She does fasting bloodwork, a glucose tolerance test (GTT), physical test on a bike and gets a DEXA x-ray (full body) ontop of answering lots of surveys and filling out tons of forms. Everyone there tries to make it as easy for us as they can. Danielle wasn't feeling so great so made it difficult at times. Poor Carrie the GTT totally wiped her out. I couldn't believe the difference in how she was. One second talking and smiling, the next half asleep, in a stupor and on the verge of crying. It effected her the whole day. I've never heard how her numbers are during that but I'd love to find out. We stopped by my parents' so I could see how my mom was faring. We didn't stay too long since the kids needed to be a kids crafts at church after dinner.

After the kids got back from church Tom decided he'd watch Danielle. It was my turn to go watch Drew perform at a local bar. Other then the fact that it was my son performing, I had NO desire to go but I went anyways. Pat drove so I could have a drink or two which was nice. They put on a great show! I got to see Drew sing 2 songs I've never seen before, both Collective Soul songs. After we left the bar we went to a local diner where I had a nice juicy burger and fries! YUM!

Tom had ulterior motives for staying home. He was planning on going hunting at teh crack of dawn. The guy got his sportsman license for the first time in quite a few years. He came back empty handed but saw a few deer. He might've taken a shot if he had a doe permit but he doesn't. I'm not sure if he's planning on going out before we leave tomorrow or not.

Today I was planning on getting tons done around here but managed to do very little. I just needed a slow no stress day. Cleaned bedrooms are highly overrated anyways. lol I was so lax that I failed to help Jake bake the pumpkin muffins for his Native American project. (yep the same ones I mentioned making with Carrie for her project 2yrs ago) I wanted to get it done today so I wouldn't have to worry about getting it done before leaving tomorrow. So now I have to squeeze that in before I walk out the door at 10am. Shouldn't take too long. (I know, famous last words!)

The kids only have 2 days of school this week. I SO wish they could have the whole week off! It seems like a waste of a week to only go for 2 days! LOL Doesn't help that mom doesn't want to get laundry done so they'll have clean clothes. Mt Washmore isn't at the screaming WASH ME NOW! phase yet. ;o)

OK...enough rambling for now. Need to get to bed!

As life would have it...

I've got the goods but can't use them! DSL isn't worth a lick if you don't have the time to sit down and click or type. Life has been insanely crazy here. ATM I'm dealing with the loss of my maternal grandmother this weekend. :o( She passed away quietly in her livingroom chair after having her coffee and toast Saturday morning. They found her late Saturday night after my aunt from VA couldn't get ahold of her all day by phone. Danielle and I spent all day Sunday at my mom's house with people coming and going. My mom is the oldest of 4....My mom and her baby brother are local, sister in Virginia, brother in Tennesse. My uncle came in Sunday afternoon, my aunt will be here Tues night.

My grandma didn't want a wake so we're having a private service on Wednesday night. It'll be a late night since we'll go to my parents' house afterwards. Luckily most of the kids have a half day of school so I'm not sweating them getting up in the morning. Liz and Val have a full day though so they'll have to as will the college kids.

Today on the way home from Michelle's classes I stopped and ordered two sets of flowers. I hate making decisions for a group of people! I know I'm not going to please everyone and it bugs me. I had to order one from the grandkids (there's 10 of us (I'm the oldest)...3, 3, 2 and 2) and another from the great-grandkids (16, all my mom's grandkids, 11 of them are mine lol). It's an interesting makeup with the grandkids. My mom and aunt both had 3 and we're similar in ages, my aunt's being a tiny bit younger then us. Then my uncles each had 2 and they are similar in age to my older kids. So while we've done things with them, we haven't been pals. Although my kids IM them once in a while and keep me up to date on what they're up to. lol

I felt like a heel waiting to hear when services would be. I just don't have time for a funeral! And of course life isn't going to slow down or stop even if I wanted it with all my heart. (the continuing pulse is a good thing though). A prime example of how things have been around here...

I found out at 8:30 this morning that Val needed to have a test done. I asked the receptionist is she could schedule it for 1:38 tomorrow afternoon. Oh yeah, it would be nice if it was over with by 1:40. lol She called me back 15mins later and told me her appt was at 10! ARGH! Oh well, breakfast/coffee is highly overrated.

As usual things worked out ok and I knew they would for the funeral. At least for me, I know my sister has to reschedule one parent/teacher conference that was set for Wed night. Luckily I have all 5 of mine on Thursday afternoon. Especially since I managed to schedule Carrie's all day TODAY clinic appt for Friday which was the other day (and the little kids have off, not the highschoolers). I told Val if she needs more tests or dr appts she'll have to wait until next week.

What's up with Val? She's been having on and off back pain in the kidney area since she passes a kidney stone in Mar '05. 2 or 3 wks ago the pain become a constant dull ache with frequent sharp episodes. I got her into the urologist last Friday. Her blood pressure was up, her output is weird, her culture came back negative for UTI. So today we had to do a renal u/s and more bloodwork. I'm hoping to hear on it in the morning. I'm a bit worried this might put a damper on her volleyball season which just started last week. She's a bit more optimistic.

Carrie is plugging along. She's complained that her knee with no bump hurts and I ran her into the ped's office QUICK! He thinks she just strained it. With this freaking lump growth thing, I didn't want to take any chances. I certainly didn't feel comfy waiting until her speicialist appt on Dec 1st. So we're in wait and see mode with that right now.

Me, I'm beating myself up. I'm eating for comfort/stress relief and don't even know it! I weigh just about what I did at the end of Danielle's pregnancy. (which was actually lower then my all time high, where I started the pregnancy at). I've also been pretty bad bout remembering my meds. I jumped on the machine at WM this week and saw a 15X/103 reading. :o( The little girls noticed my pill box hadn't or couldn't have been touched and were on my case about it. I have NO idea why I'm sabotaging myself like this. It's not like I want to die. I have too much going on to do that. ;o) How hypocritical of me....to be on Carrie's case about testing her sugar and not forgetting her meds.

Danielle is getting cuter by the second. She's turned into a little monkey and copies everything and everyone. She's a jabber but doesn't have tons of words. She still manages to get her point across to everyone well. She's keeping me busy with her exploring and getting into everything. I'm too tired to gush anymore about her so I'll save it for a later date (and shorter post). I will include a picture of her someone sent us. It was taken at our church harvest feast the Sunday before Halloween.

Look at me!

I'm faster then a speeding bullet! Able to leap tall videos in a single click. My new best friend from the telephone company came by today and hooked us up big time. YEAH DSL! I can now see all the graphics, videos and sounds that I've been missing all these years.

We've already been by youtube to watch a few videos including this wiggles video.

I'm also enjoying my brand spankin' new computer. The deal was too hard to pass up. Get superfast internet (1mbps) with a new computer for $20 more a month then what I was paying for a second phone line and dial up (24kbps). Even if I figure it was just for the computer...where am I going to get a new one of those for $240? (2yr commitment required)

Our livingroom now looks like a computer lab. On the coffee table behind me are my and Allison's computers. Unfortunately it means that wires are all over the place. Eventually we'll be wireless but for now we're all willing to live with the mess.

This whole week has been busy. On Tuesday I picked up the school kids after their parades and parties and headed to my parents' house. I'd bought a bunch of lunchmeat so we could have subs. YUM! I had Val, Janna, Luke, Carrie, Jake, Eileen, Olivia and Danielle. My sister had her 2 youngest. My brother had his 2 kids. One of Tom's brother had 1. We made quite a group but it was fun. We traveled the mile around my parents' block, hit the firebarn for cider and donuts and then back to my parents'. Total time....1hr. Total candy...just enough.

Monday night Carrie complained that her arm hurt and it had a bump on it. She'd shown me a "bug bite" earlier. I told her it was fine and to go to bed. Tuesday she complained and showed it to me again. This time I really looked at it. It wasn't a bump...it was a BUMP! Her whole upper arm was huge. She looked like she'd gotten a shot recently, or was on steriods. OOPS! Guess I shouldn't have blown it off the night before.

I took her to the dr's on Wednesday morning. We were there for about 2.5hrs. She was sent off for x-rays and then bloodwork while we waited for the x-ray report. The dr wanted to check for relapse or secondary cancer without coming right out and saying it in front of Carrie. I was getting nervous when the nurses started being really social with us in the waiting room. Her counts were fine! The nurses were just bored during their lunch hour. lol Unfortunately the x-ray showed the bump is calcified/solid like the bruise on her knee. Unlike the knee we have no idea where the shoulder bump came from. "S" at the KNOT (long term cancer survivors) clinic mentioned something about growths post transplant. So now I'm wondering. We're waiting on a referral to a specialists.

This morning I got a phone call from the TODAY study coordinator. Seems I forgot Carrie's ALL day (need to be fasting) appointment today. *blush* I HATE when that happens! I didn't put it into my calendar/planner because it's written on her log book which theoretically we should be updating everyday. Early this morning I had the thought...I have to check Carrie's logbook and see when her next appointment is. I thought it was in the beginning of December. We've rescheduled it for the 17th.

Pat had orientation at his new job this afternoon. :oD I haven't talked to him yet so not sure how it went. This weekend looks be busy with 2 birthday parties...one from 12-4. The other one is an overnighter at a local hotel. My sister invited me to bring the girls Liz age on down. I haven't decided if I'll go yet. Oh yeah and there's pie baking too, don't think we'll make that at all. On Sunday I'm thinking of going to an auction of a furniture store's overstock. What I really need to do is stay home and do some WORK! (or surf on my new computer lol)

I was this [ ] close!

On Sunday I almost did it. I almost had all my hampers empty! Note that I didn't say I almost had all my laundry done, just my hampers empty. I'm sure there were dirty clothes in the bedrooms, I know I have some in mine. According to the hampers though I only had ONE load of light clothes to do by Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately time ran out on me and we had to leave for the Harvest feast at church. By the time I got back there were darks and lights dirty again. So I'm back to normal with clothes in all the hampers lol.

Oh yeah and before I forget...I posted again over at Largerfamilies.com. I answered a readers question about the comments we hear. It's a revised edition of a post I wrote here in March. Q&A...How do you deal with comments and questions? I'll be posting again this Friday. The topic is how we deal with all the activities and commitments the kids have.

Saturday was a pretty productive day. Besides doing tons of laundry I made bread, rearranged furniture, started cleaning little kids bedrooms, helped devise costumes, cleaned in the nooks and crannies where it doesn't show. Tom was gone ALL day until after 2AM. He was working on the van at one of his friend's house. It's not all completely done but rides a LOT better (and safer). I still need to buy 2 new front tires, maybe Wednesday.

Sunday was a FUN day! The youth kids made it a great day for all the little kids. The Harvest feast started out with a children's meeting. It was followed by wheelbarrow races, games for all ages (including the adults...have to give them opportunities to make fools of themselves lol), pizza dinner and then trick or treating door to door in one of the dorms. Costumes this year were...

Danielle - unicorn (costume I bought 75% off last year after Halloween)
Olivia - angel (kimono that was a christmas gift last year, wings and feather crown from the dollar store)
Eileen - cheerleader (skorts and tshirt with pompoms from the dollar store)
Jake - Pirate (vest with stuffed parrot velcro'ed to it, cardboard hat, sword and eye patch from the dollarstore)
Carrie - princess (Val's prom dress from the thrift store, crown from the dollar store)
Luke - karate student (his grandpa's old Gi, green bathrobe belt lol)
Liz - Gorilla (Drew's gorilla mask, all black clothes)
Me - parrot (multicolored feather mask from the dollarstore, homemade parrot outfit I made 2 or 3 yrs ago for Luke)

Jake will be using the Gorilla mask at school on Tuesday (only elementary kids...3 youngest, dress up for school) His attitude is, if you can't bring a sword to school what's the sense of being a pirate? lol He'll switch back to a pirate for T or T'ing though. Liz is going to be a fairy for T or T'ing. I bought her wings at the dollarstore tonight. She'll be wearing a dress she bought this summer for a friend's wedding. We'll be T or T'ing around my parents' neighborhood. My sister with 2 of her girls will be going with us.

It looks to be a beautiful day for T or T'ing. Today was absolutely wonderful! After having lows in the mid 40s for almost 2wks it seemed like summer again. The van became downright hot at times. Danielle took a nap after lunch and I enjoyed reading my book. I also enjoyed a short 15min powernap.

We received some exciting news here today. Pat called this afternoon and told me he now has a job!!!! :o) It's good to see him excited about it. He visited the college last week about getting a waiver for his financial aid. Now he has to write a letter explaining why he should be given it (I think that's what it has to be about). He'll have to do that soon. He has to know whether he qualifies for funding for the January semester before he registers.

Also we are getting DSL!!! I don't have to surf the net by horse and buggy anymore! By Friday evening I should be FLYING around here! I'll be able to see whole pages, pictures and videos! Woohooo!!! The promotion right now is that with a 2yr commitment we get a free computer! It's almost 3x as fast as the one I'm using now. That means we'll have 2 machines and I won't have to share as much anymore. (not sure how long it takes to arrive though) It'll be even sweeter if Drew and Michelle buy their own computers/laptops like they've been talking about.

Well my extra hour this weekend is starting to catch up. I just rescued my forehead from meeting my keyboard. Hope everyone stays safe while/if they're T or T'ing.

Sunday Morning Musings

First an update on my FIL. He's doing ok and has double pneumonia. I hate to say it but PHEW! Not that I'm glad he has it but I'm glad that's what it is. What was going on was SO much worse in my mind. (relapse or myelodysplasia...yep the same thing Carrie had). There's talk of him being discharged on Wed. :o)

Tom told me something someone said to him concerning this blog. They said they've read my blog and I paint our life all rosey and great. Ummm guy....this is MY blog!!! I decide what goes in here. If I decide that I'm only going to write about everytime I fart....that's my perogative! If you don't want to read it....that's your's.

I admit I don't share all the nitty gritty stuff here. Reason being...it's the internet! (no offense to my cyberfriends) I try my hardest to not bash my husband in public so I certainly try not to do it here. My kids, especially the teens, have their own lives and a right to their privacy...I respect that. Also this is ONE side/version of the story. I would hope that anyone reading this would realize that.

Believe me there have been times when it would've been SO easy to come and just let everything out here. But that wouldn't have been fair to those involved. There were times when I couldn't blog because heavy private things were too close to the surface and effected me so much. I'd try to write but I felt the situation always showed through in my words...so I'd delete.

So X, if you're reading this. You're right to a degree. And no, I won't change a thing. It's your call whether you want to read this or not. I'm not really sure why you'd want to though, since you have an upclose and personal view of the whole thing (not to mention your own opinion on it that you've freely shared).

Now I'm off to clear off the mounds of things on my computer table. Have a good day :o)

Debunking the myths

The current topic over at largerfamilies.com is putting some myths about large families to rest. I picked the older kids are mini parents as my myth. So head on over to LF.com and read Mini Parents

Look out world!

Here she comes! Danielle is walking!!! She started on Saturday, taking 4-6 steps between things and people. On Sunday she spent all day walking around whenever she could. One of the kids asked me....why is Danielle walking around everywhere? I asked how they got around? She's having tons of fun with it. She even stands back up when she falls. BUT if there's something she REALLY wants...as soon as she falls it's crawling all the way. LOL

Today's been a busy and nerve wracking day. In the middle of my errands Pat called me to let me know Janna was in the ER of the local hospital. I knew she'd gone home (Val called me) but didn't know why. I called the school and asked them to have Val call me. Then I stopped by the ER to see if Janna or her mom needed anything. She was really glad we stopped by and was just telling her mom she wished we were there. Val called when I was there and asked to be picked up so she could be at the ER with Janna, so I did. They think she passed a kidney stone during the day and still has one in her opposite kidney. We were joking that she just wanted to be like Val and a copycat. lol She's resting peacefully at home now.

Ontop of that Tom's dad has been running a really low grade fever which spiked a bit today. With his counts low he's suppose to report ANY fever at all. He's in the hospital and not doing so great. Everyone is a mess. (why I'm still up at such a horrible hour of the morning!) I'd appreciate any prayers and positive thoughts you could send for Tom, his dad and his family.

I was thinking there was more I wanted to share but can't think of it ATM. I'll post more tomorrow if I think of it.

Found some photos

Drew downloaded Allison's camera onto my computer. I'm snitching some to share since I don't have any of my own to share.

The first is Drew's band. They were playing at the local Marina's good-bye party (last day opened for the season).


Drew on bass, Brian on vocals, Nate on drums and Mitch on guitar

Of course I HAVE to share a pic of Danielle whenever I can. So here's a pic of her with her first ice cream cone.

Status Symbol?

I posted last week that the current topic at largerfamilies.com was how and when to know you're done. Luckily for me that weekend the blog was featured in an article on larger families being a new status symbol. The hit count soared at LF.com and here. I got a negative comment or two about my irresponsibilty toward society and the earth.

I don't get how kids can be used as a status symbol. If they are, they are one of the most costliest symbols around. Not only in the all mighty dollar but in blood, sweat and tears. WHY would anyone put 18yrs worth of responsibilty infront of them just to up their standing amongst their friends? Not to mention while it might be cool to have a larger family now, it hasn't and won't always be. So what happens when the status isn't such a great thing anymore? They can't be thrown away, sold or pushed into the back of the closet. These are kids' lives they are trivializing!!!! Thanks for making my "extra" 8 or 9 kids seem like props. I'm sure they appreciate it.

There's something else people forget when they make having a family that goes above society's norm whimsical and fun. People lose a lot because of their decision to have a larger family.

* They're subjected to every Tom, Dick and Harry's opinion about their lifestyle decision because it's so apparent. Everyone seems to think that because of this they are free to voice their opinions or wisecracks. (Oh the things people say) I don't know of any other life choice that is so obvious and has this happen. (I'm most likely mistaken and am willing to be corrected)

* They lose friends, invitations to social events, etc. People think they can't relate to them anymore. The idea of including so many people into a social event is daunting so they're overlooked. People assume because you have so many kids you don't have the time or money to socialize/participate. We can be seen as too stupid to be bothered with or "intimidating" and are avoided by others in a social setting.

* Time and time again other TOK (tons of kids) moms have mentioned how their families put them down for their decision. They've even had family break all ties with them because it. :o(

Yep, we're just trying to out do our friends and neighbors. After all, that's what's most important in life.

Bullet Time!

*** It's an invasion!
Yep Sunday was the start of the annual "lady bug" invasion. My mom told me if she'd known they were out she wouldn't have come for a visit. They (the ladybugs, not my parents) are stinky and pesky. They land on and in everything including food, drinks and faces. I told her it had just started and was getting worse by the hour. Luckily they've calmed down and have mostly settled into their corners.

*** Never assume
Tuesday I heard a truck pull up to the house, then a tiny knock on the door. I assumed it was Tom with his hands full. I ran to the door, whipped it open and yelled...Waddaya waa.... Standing there staring at me was a tiny timid Fed Ex man with a package in his hands. I was so embarrassed! I was also laughing so hard that I couldn't get a proper I'm sorry or an explanation out. Bet he's hoping we don't get anymore deliveries for a while. LOL

*** I found it!
I found a Walk Away the Pounds Express DVD yesterday! I've been wanting for it for a while. Last year I'd ordered it from someone online and never received it. Everytime I'd looked in WM they didn't have it. I figured since it was an older program it'd never come in. I even started looking for it in the 2 for $11 bin. LOL Our Super Walmart has gone through a huge renovation which makes that section of the sports department easy to get to. On a whim I decided to check to see if they had something I'd want and there it was! I was a happy shopper!

*** One chore off my list
I hate tire shopping. I feel like I'm going to get taken for a ride. Then there's all those extra fees involved. I never know which I need. My van really needed new back tires at least. They kept getting soft and one was almost bald. I put it off and put it off although I'd been browsing the ads for prices. Finally I decided to bite the bullet and run over to the tire store to get a quote. They didn't have any extra charges and the price was right. So now I have 2 new back tires and the van is driving great. Although it was bit hard to tell with the monster winds throwing me around like a paper cup yesterday.

*** I'm not ready!!!
Yep, it's that time of the year again. Time for the dreaded white stuff to start flying. I'm not ready for it! Well I'm more ready for it coatwise then I've been in a while. Bootwise I'm not sure about but that can wait. Mentally though...NO! Take it away! I don't want to see the stuff! I want everyday to be like last weekend....blue skies, sunny and mid 70s.

***Let the stripping begin
Danielle is learning to take off her clothes. She fights me tooth and nail over wearing shoes....takes after her mother. lol They don't last long and then it's time for the socks to start flying. Running errands while waiting for Michelle yesterday I had to put her socks on 4 times. Then while she was sitting in the cart at Big Lots she tried to take off her shirt. Luckily she's not too adept at that yet. It's gonna be tons of fun trying to keep her bundled in the van while waiting for Michelle this winter.

How things have been faring lately

My posts have been sporadic and mostly about how I haven't been handling things well. Now that I can catch my breath and think straight I thought I'd update about how everyone's been doing here.

Daniellewise...she's growing by leaps and bounds. She's at such a fun age! My latest walker she's taken a few tenative steps from here to there but not walking yet. Give her a pushtoy or something to put her hand on though and she's off like a rocket. She's so cautious I'm sure once she does start walking she'll be pretty sure footed which is fine by me. She's turned into a little monkey and mimics everyone and everything around her. While she's a little girls and likes to play with her dishes and babies, her favorite toy is a little car....complete with appropriate sounds while she drives it over everything.

Schoolwise...We've been to the school quite a few times with open house celebrations. This year homework has been going well for everyone!!!! Which hasn't happened in quite a while. Luke is continuing to do his homework well on his own (started it midyear last year). Carrie has joined him and is doing great! I haven't had to get on her case about starting it yet and she's always done early enough to participate in youth activities at church. (unlike last year when she would sneak it into bed to finish). It makes for a much more relaxed evening. Jake, Eileen and Olivia are naturally pretty self motivated so no problems on that end.

Last week I actually had Pat take over a few days of driving Michelle to school for me. It made a HUGE difference in how I felt and what I accomplished around here. I even started digging out my bedroom (always the last room I attack). I'm feeling ready to face the chore of driving again.

Drew's band is pretty sought after. They're booked for quite a few weekends in the next month or so. They even have a date set in January and for St Patrick's day. Between going to school, band practice and seeing Allison he's staying really busy and isn't home much. Allison is in her last year of school and has mentioned going abroad to teach English. I guess she really enjoyed Italy last semester. Drew asked what I thought about them moving overseas. I told them I'd miss them but if that's what they want and can do, then go for it! As of right now I'm thinking we'll be having a wedding next summer.

We couldn't have asked for a better 3 day weekend weatherwise. Tom took the kids to the apple farm, bird sanctuary and a playground on Saturday. The kids took advantage of it and were in and out all day. It led to Danielle throwing a few fits because she wanted to be big and go outside too. I don't want to see this weather end. I actually heard the "S" word in the forecast for the coming weekend. Waaaah!

I brought my book into the house tonight. It's Fannie Flagg's "Standing in the Rainbow". The main character is Neighbor Dorothy who was a character in her book..."Welcome to the World Baby Girl!". I'm just starting it but it's good like most of her work. D has already read it and just finished the next one in line called "Can't Wait to get to Heaven". She's wanting me to hurry up so we can talk about them.

Something that made me go hmmm while reading the book. Dorothy is what was called a "radio homemaker". A housewife who ran a daily 1 hour long radio show out of her home. In the book it's described as someone who dispenses tips on child rearing, home, garden, cooking. Someone who talks about news and entertains. Most of all it was a daily visit from a good friend. I thought....hey! that's what bloggers do and are!

I've had a chance to do some blog touring this weekend. It's nice to catch up with some good friends that I've missed in the last month.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

I seem to have caught up with things around the house. Having company (my parents) is a great motivator. :o) Tomorrow most of us have a day off. I don't have to drive Michelle to classes!!!! Yeah me! It'll be nice to get up and not have to think about where to start around here. I'm actually sitting here thinking about baking cookies and apple pies, revving up my sewing machine, starting some projects to sell on ebay or to give for Christmas presents. Believe it or not I'm even thinking of bringing my "waiting for Michelle" book into the house and disappearing into it.

Don't get me wrong, things aren't perfect here. I have things to do. But it's better then it's been in a long time! I even managed to do 8 loads of laundry today(may even do more before bed). That means I have less then 3 loads waiting for me to wash! If tomorrow is as nice as today I'm hoping to wash all the bedding and hang it. Nothing like climbing into a bed with line dried sheets.

We had a nice visit with my parents. My mom brought us the scrapbook she made of our trip to Orlando and all the area parks in Oct '99. It was Carrie's Make a Wish wish. The kids had a ball going through it and remembering everything. They all got a kick out of how little they looked. Tom and Pat BBQ 4 chickens for dinner. Even though we had 6 extra people here to feed we ended up with enough leftovers for lunch tomorrow. :o) My dad brought me out some more plants for my garden including YUMMY smelling Russian Sage! Tom's preparing my circle garden to act as a nursery until next spring. My dad has offered to sit down with me and map out exactly what to do and where. I'm always at such a loss where to put things even though I have tons of choices (we own 7+ acres)

Last Monday we celebrated Michelle's birthday (Her birth story). Actually she had a multiday celebration. lol We had pizza and wings on Sunday while C (her boyfriend) was here. He was heading back to school on Monday morning. Monday we had her birthday dinner (she picked cheeseburgers) along with cake and ice cream. Wednesdays I took Michelle, Val, Janna and Kat to the mall. We hit a great sale at Wet Seal...buy 1 clearance item, get 1 free. I wanted to go back and do some Christmas shopping!!! I bought Danielle some much needed clothes at the Children's Place...additional 50% off clearance prices. Poor thing, most of her clothes were geared toward summer.

I'm starting to think that I might have a handle on things now. Just in time for the hoiday craziness to start! LOL Hey! Isn't Columbus Day the new "first day of the Christmas shopping season"? Let the jolliness begin! :oD

Michelle's birth story

Her Stats....

Michelle Lynn
October 2, 1987
7:10pm
8lbs 15oz

For my pregnancy with Michelle I went to my regular family practice dr. I LOVE this guy! He's so laid back and easy to talk to. I'd have had all the rest of my kids with him but the HMO is was through would only allow OBs to deliver babies shortly after Michelle's birth.

I had my first ever sonogram. The tech said it was girl then told me....I can only be 75% sure of a girl. It might be a boy who's parts haven't descended yet. I then went on to have a dream that I had quads....3 girls and 1 boy. lol

About 7mos into the pregnancy while visiting my parents I suddenly announced that Valerie didn't sound right this pregnancy. We'd had Valerie picked out for our girl's name when I was pg for Drew and Pat. Tom was shocked since he really loved Valerie. He asked what name I did want to use? I don't know is the only answer I could give him. My dad was standing at the stove cooking dinner and said...I've always like Michelle. You never hear it used very much anymore. I jumped up and shouted...THAT'S IT! I like it, let's name this baby Michelle! Tom agreed. :o)

As was par for the course for me I was still very pregnant as my due date came and went. After being overdue for 16 days my dr decided he'd admit me the next day for an induction.

I arrived at the hospital bright and early like a good little patient and found that there wasn't really any room for me. They decided that they'd make room and put me into one of two birthing rooms they had at the time. (they considered it substandard lol) I was given an IV, hooked up to the monitors, checked and told nothing remarkable was happening. The pitocin was started about 9am and we were on our way...or so I thought. Tom and I sat around all day and NOTHING happened. I'd feel a small contraction here or there but nothing to report.

My dr came in to check on me after office hours were over. (5pm'ish) He asked if I was tired and wanted to take a break for the night. I told him I wasn't tired...all I'd done is laid in bed all day. Let's go for it! Around 5:45 he broke my water, announced he was heading home to grab a bowl of cereal and would be back soon. 15 minutes later the contractions started...and they were huge! I was having a hard time concentrating through them. The nurse came in and told me that I needed oxygen and placed the cannula. I told her...I needed to throw up and did! lol

Around 6:30 I decided I'd had enough and asked for some pain medication. They told me that I'd just started labor and it was too soon. I waited about 15 mins and asked for it again. They checked me, declared I was a 4cm and it might be ok to give me some but they'd have to call my dr to see.

I started feeling pressure around 7'ish (and still without my pain medication I might add). I told Tom he should probably go out and tell someone that I think I might be ready to push. He said I can't be ready, they said it was too soon. I convinced him to go out and tell someone anyways...they said they'd be right there. He walked back in the room, I then grunted and said...Tell them I need them NOW!!!! He ran back out into the hallway and yelled for someone to come NOW!

A nurse saunter into the room, took one look at me, lifted my sheet and yelled.... I NEED SOME HELP NOW!!!! We have a head here!!!! All hell broke loose and everyone flew into action. A resident came in and told me to go ahead and push. I did but nothing happened. He told me to push again....I did again and nothing happened. While holding Michelle's head he placed his second hand just under my ribcage and PUSHED! I SCREAMED!!!! He then did it a few more times and the rest of Michelle was born.

Just a little side note. The room I was in was seldom used. It was also right behind the admitting desk. While all the above was happening a very pregnant young girl in labor was sitting at this desk getting admitted. They'd put a screen up to block her view but she could hear EVERYTHING and I knew it. After I would grunt loudly or scream I would then say....oh that poor girl. I'm so sorry. I'm probably scaring that poor thing to death. Oh that poor girl.

We were told that my uterus had shut down after I delivered her head. I wasn't contracting anymore. They had to push on my stomach to help expell the placenta. I was bleeding quite a bit and they were working pretty hard. They opened up the pit all the way, gave me a shot in my bottom and massaged my stomach trying to get my uterus to contract. They swept my uterus a few times just for good measure. Each time they'd push, knead or sweep I'd give a yelp and then an apology.

Michelle was beautiful....full, round and bald! Her scalp did show a tiny hint of red hair which tickled my MIL who was always hoping for a redheaded grandchild to be born...it never happened. I noticed that all the girls in the nursery had pink bows in their hair, except Michelle. I asked my nurse why that was and she told me she didn't have enough hair to put one in. :o( Next time they brought her to me though she had a bow attached to a few stray strands of hair. I was instructed to not breath on it or it would fall out!

After delivery my blood pressure started going up and wouldn't come down. I was put on bedrest and given meds to help. After 4 days it started coming down and I was discharged. We headed to my parents' house for a few days (they'd been taking care of Drew and Pat) While there I started running a fever, I had mastitis. The dr called in an antibiotic and I lived with hotpacks. Then we headed to our trailer. I left their house in tears because I knew that our trailer was going to be cold since it hadn't had a fire in it for days. It didn't help that I was also dealing with a mean case of the post pregnancy blues. Luckily it only lasted a few days.

As is par for the course....I'm behind

Michelle celebrated her 19th birthday on Monday. I have to write out her birth story yet. Hopefully by the end of the weekend. We're heading over to church for the weekend. It's the October/Canadian Thanksgiving Conference.

It's my friday at Largerfamilies.com. The topic is knowing when you're done growing your family. Hear my lifestory at I've learned never to say never

733

According to bloglines hat's the number of blog entries I'm behind in reading. Needless to say most of them I'll be skipping and it makes me sad. I can't remember the last time I went on a blog tour. I have 50 feeds that I follow which with the help of bloglines I managed to keep up on fairly easy. Since I've started on the net I've never had so little online time before. (well except when I went a month without a computer). It seems like the world is just passing me by. Although I know it's not really.

Even when I do have the time I find myself waiting in line for my turn on the computer. Drew's computer is down for the count so it's only this one now. Add in the fact that Michelle's boyfriend is away to school and has no phone right. Their main communication is IM'ing at night when he can borrow someone's computer. Then there's homework assignments online and research needed for projects. I WANT ANOTHER COMPUTER!!!!

I joke that I need a laptop so I can go to the mall and use their WIFI. I can see it now...me sitting in the food court with glazed over internet eyes, nose stuck to the laptop screen. Danielle sitting in her stroller or a disgusting highchair whining to get out, me throwing cheerios or pretzels at her to appease her for a few more minutes. Oh wouldn't I win the mother of the year award! ;o)

I'm not even suppose to be here now. My house is SCREAMING at me to take care of it. I did manage to get a few things done here before I sat down with my coffee and snack, but it's not nearly enough. I keep thinking we'll make a huge dent in it after dinner but there never seems to be time. Like tonight...there's elementary school open house anbd a youth meeting at church(which my older kids will probably miss).

I knew open house was Thursday but I failed to realize that TODAY was Thursday in my thinking. Poor Jake, he has a science project due tomorrow. He's been waiting for (and bugging) me to hook up the printer so he could finish it. I've been putting it off figuring we'd work on it Thursday night. Now he won't be home until 5:30, has to eat and be back out the door by 6:30 and won't return until after 8. :o( Why would teachers put a deadline the day AFTER a big school function? GRRRR! I feel bad becuase he's always been one of my better self motivated homework doers. It's not a matter of him avoiding it.

Well at least my van is clean! LOL Monday was a beautiful day but the ground was too muddy for Danielle to crawl around. We went for our walk and then hung out in the van. So I had time to clean it AGAIN (did it a week or so ago) How does it get so messy in so short time? I bought a tote to replace my carboard box held together with string. Hopefully that'll make things a lot easier to maintain.

I feel like I've written this post before. Problem is...this is my life right now. Even when I'm not doing something it seems like I'm hurrying up and waiting. Some things have gotten easier, others just keep on keeping on. I just wish my brain would shut off once in a while. All these running thoughts are enough to make me exhausted!

Well my coffee cup is empty and Danielle's done nursing...so back to work! Guess I should start with hooking up the printer.

A scary and exhausting evening

Today was a busy day although it was quite enjoyable...for a while. This weekend is the fall youth soccer tournament at church. We play different fellowships from all over the Northeast US and Canada. The moms' jobs are to make fools of ourselves as we cheer much too loudly.

It looked to be a normal soccer weekend....WET! Luckily the temperature decided to be nice to us and hovered in the mid 70s. They started playing at 10am with a light rain. By the time lunch time hit at noon it started clearing up and becoming a bit muggy.

During our last regularly scheduled game (quarterfinals were next) I decided to take Danielle for a walk. It was after 2 and she'd been up all day. I thought riding in the stroller over the bumpy gravel would put her to sleep. WRONG! She was too nosey to relax enough to sleep. We got 3/4 away around the outer circle when Danielle started crying.

She was trying to turn around and stand up in the stroller. The whole time she acted like she ate something gross and was trying to spit it out. There were tons of yellow jackets out today so I thought maybe she got stung. I got her out of the stroller and checked her over (even in her mouth) She calmed a bit and I finished our walk carrying her and pushing the stroller. I stopped at a boulder so I could sit and nurse her which she did fine....for a few minutes. Then she started crying again. So we walked some more. I finally got back to where my camp chair was set up amongst the moms watching the game. I nursed Danielle until she fell asleep...or so I thought. She bit me hard while nursing and started SCREAMING! Her face was red, her eyes were puffy and she wouldn't stop.

I took off her clothes to search for a sting, no welts. She did have a few big patches of hives on her upper chest and arms. Her ears and face were beet red and looked puffy. I really couldn't be sure whether it was from crying so hard or not. Her spit was thick and she did the spitting out thing again and then threw up. I kept watching her throat and chest to see if she was having a hard time breathing but she wasn't. My SIL, D, told me she had an epipen in her diaper bag if I needed it.

I couldn't calm her down for anything. She refused to nurse. We left the area and walked. I talked and tried to soothe her. After she threw up I decided this was getting too close to needing medical help and went to my van for my first aid kit and some benedryl. I couldn't find a medicine dropper but found a unopened straw so used that to give her some. She's a terrible medicine taker and fought me tooth and nail. I did manage to get some in her and then she threw up again! So I'm not really sure HOW much she had.

She continued to cry and her face still looked red and puffy. I finally managed to calm her a bit right before we were to eat dinner at 5pm. She sat in my lap while we ate and whined on and off. She was looking a bit better by the end of dinner. I was going to leave at 7 instead of going to the meeting. By 7 she decided she was ok. As time went on she became more active and whined less. Her eyes still looked pretty swollen. Around 9 she even smiled at and played with one of the adults.

She's now sleeping soundly (I think) I feel like I've been playing soccer all day. It totally drained me. I didn't realize it until about 8'ish while sitting in the meeting hall. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and go to sleep! I have NO idea what she had the reaction to and I hope I never find out again!

I'm just hoping she's ok and back to her smiley self tomorrow. At 9:15 starts the semifinals of the tournment. For the first time ever out youth have to play! YEAH THEM!!! Finals are played at 11, then it's lunch. At 2pm we're having my MIL's memorial feast until about 5. Then back home to finish homework and get ready for the week ahead which is looking to be busy at first. Monday I'm driving Michelle to school, have an appt after I pick her up in the afternoon and then a baby shower in the evening.

LF day

You know the drill...My day to post on the largerfamily blog. You're time to click on the link below and see what I had to say.

The current topic is Dealing with Chaos. Welcome to my world!

Remember to visit the dropdown box over there ---> to see a list of all my other posts at LF.

Oh yeah, and feedback is always appreciated. :o)

Tossin and Turnin

My mind is a whirlwind and I can't sleep. All that keeps running through my head is what I could be doing instead of sleeping. Top of the list is to come here and WRITE! So here I am.

My computer time is at an all time low right now. Not only am I hardly home during the days when the computer is free. We're down to one computer now! Drew's computer is down for the count so we're all sharing mine. Michelle has a class that requires her to take an online quiz after every reading assignment. So that tends to take precidence. Driving Michelle isn't SO bad. Although I can see it getting worse once the weather changes and my options dwindle. (MJ...Michelle doesn't have her license and isn't anywhere near ready to take her road test. So no on giving her the van, as much as I'd love to! LOL)

Monday was a BEAUTIFUL day with tons of sun and temps in the low 80s. After Danielle and I went for a walk we set up camp near the pond. Me in my camp chair with snacks and a book. Danielle with some toys, lots of crawling room and her stroller to take a nap in. If every day was like Monday I'd feel thankful for such a task. It felt like a mini vacation and I was feeling a tad guilty for wasting the day away. I keep debating if it's worth it to stay in the city. Is 3hrs waiting worth the $10 in gas it'd cost me to go home? Would I actually get anything done knowing I had to run back out the door again in a few hours? In the winter I could see me staying in the city, especially since they tend to get less snow then our house does. But now...I'm not so sure.

I'm happy to say that I'm getting a bit more done around the house nowadays. Not that it looks it but things are getting done and the important people know it. I always find I feel better about everything when I get back into the groove of cleaning. Not that I like to clean, just that I feel better.

This weekend the kids finally begged enough to get me to agree to my nieces spending the night. With the crazy summer we had, there wasn't much of a chance for them to spend time out here like they normally do. The oldest was at a friend's house so didn't come so I only had 2 extras. My sister drove them out here and I'm sure she was dumbstruck on the state of the house. When sharing a bedroom we were often referred to Felix and Oscar. Oh well the girls had fun and that's all that matters. I think her oldest wants to come out this weekend, I'm not sure how that'll work out but we'll see.

Tonight was the last soccer practice before the tournament this weekend. Tomorrow (Thurs) night they'll have a youth meeting and pep rally with Friday off. (Although there are activities planned for the adults) I'm hoping without a nightly 7pm deadline (time they need to be at church for practice) we'll be able to do a bit more around here. The kids have been asking me to drive up to the cemetary and visit MIL's grave. We've been wanting to use our rec center membership. The little kids want to go swimming, older ones use the weightroom. Of course there's reading time and practicing spelling that tends to get pushed aside when time's short. Oh yeah and fun time! lol

Pat's still looking for a job. I've put him on notice that he's driving Michelle to Jess's house tomorrow and then going into the other city/suburbs to look for a job. They've had better luck at the hiring agency in that direction then the one out near the college. (where he's already applied and not hear anything from) I'm pretty sure he's feeling the crunch of having empty pockets. He's also dying to get a puppy which Tom won't even entertain the idea of as long as Pat's broke.

Drew's band seems to get more and more calls. September 30th they're playing at a Tex-Mex restaurant/bar. They were suppose to play at a showcase tonight but not sure if they did. Today was Allison's birthday and Drew was spending the day with her. Also last time they played there they didn't get on the stage until midnight. Closing the place down is too late night for school kids!

Carrie had a checkup at the TODAY study. They were really pleased with her glucose numbers and her weight. (which was the same as in July) Her blood pressure was a little off. Her dystolic (upper) number was too high for someone her age. It's the second appt that it's been like that. They rechecked her at the end of the appt and finally got a number that they could relax a bit on. So for now she's pre-hypertensive instead of hypertensive. We're watching sodium intake and trying to get her moving more.

My meds are driving me up the wall. The new one has some side effects that are similar to what I dealt with after having my gall bladder removed. Gas, bloating, and diarrhea. It's supoose to diminish after a while. Also it helps when I stick to my food plan...so there's a motivator. I think it's adverserly effecting my numbers though. Carrie's gotten better numbers then me and she's never done that before! My fastings were in the high 80s and 90s. Now they are in the 106 range. My after meal numbers are just borderline where they were fine before. I'll going to give it another week or so and see what happnes. The only good thing about this is that it may help me lose weight because it blocks the intake of carbs/glucose. I haven't decided if that's worth the adverse effects or not.

Danielle is growing like a weed and keeping us entertained. She's found her screech, much to Tom's chagrin. Her mouth is going constantly. For the most part it's blah lah labaglaba stuff but I hear a word slip out once in a while. She's not walking yet and I'm ok with that. I think she'll be our oldest walker. She's on the verge of doing it, just hasn't gotten bold enough to do it. Once she does though she'll be running!

Her newest ploy is to throw a temper tantrum everytime someone gets in the van without her. We've had the front door open because of the nice temps. She'll make a mad crawl for the front door and watch to see if whoever went out it is getting in the van. If they do she SCREAMS like she's hurt and then puts her head to the floor for just the right dramatic effect. Tuesday it made Pat come running back in to check on her...Then carry her out to her carseat for a ride to pick up Michelle with him. Naaaaah she's not spoiled! I'm SO in trouble!

The kids seem to be adjusting well to school. They all seem to be self motivated to do their homework and studying. It's a first! Especially for Carrie. I still have to prompt at times when time is short but all in all they've got it down. :oD Eileen was SO proud of herself on Friday when she brought home a 95% on her first spelling test! She has 10 regular words and 10 sight words on each test, double the amount from last year. They aren't all in the same word family like last year either. I was really worried she'd get overwhelmed by it. She scored better then any pretest I'd given her at home!

The new bedroom arrangments seem to be working out well too. I've noticed that Liz and Carrie are spending more one on one time now. I'm sure they really appreciated having their room to themselves on Saturday. I woke up at 7:30am to find the little girls and niece playing Barbies. They'd gone to bed after midnight! They were dragging around dinner time to say the least. lol

Well I've rambled long enough. My eyes are finally realizing it's late and we need some sleep. I've been missing coming here and visiting my blog friends. I haven't gone on a proper blog tour in weeks! Hopefully I'll have time soon. I hope everything is well with everyone out there.

Only have a sec

I'm not handling driving Michelle and the kids going back to school well right now. My house is a mess, dinners have been not so great, and we're totally unprepared in the mornings. It doesn't help that I was barely home this weekend so I couldn't play catch-up. It doesn't help that Danielle has hardly been napping and has no one to pay attention to her but me. It doesn't help that the big church soccer tournament is in 2wks. The kids are having big time soccer practices every night ontop of their regular church things. It doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well and am exhausted during the day.

I thought our new chorelist would help. Things are so bad they can't take care of it in the short time they have at night. I'm trying to get them to chip at it every day but it doesn't seem to be effective. I need to get organized!!!! Planning meals before hand, getting laundry done and outfits planned ahead of time so we're not searching for something every morning.

I hate to say it but....I NEED a schedule! Waaahhhhh! Snack time, chore time, homework time, dinner time, running out the door time, BED time!

On the plus side. Monday after dropping off Michelle, Danielle and I went for a walk. Danielle fell asleep and I was able to sit in the shade a read a book! I haven't read a book in a while. Right now I've just started the Red Tent. I've been tempted to run out and bring it in the house but I know that's not smart. If I did that then I'd get absolutely nothing done. So it's a Mon and Wed read only.

I mentioned this weekend was busy. Here's the highlights...

Fri night... Drew's band played at a "block party". They set up outside one of the bandmember's house and had a nighttime concert. We were there from 8-11.

Sat... The first of our church's youth got married!!! She was BEAUTIFUL! The ceremony was touching and the feast afterwards was uplifting. The girls and I got home about 9'ish. After Tom and I went to bed we ended up starting to talk. We were a bit shocked to see the clock say 4AM! Tom decided he wanted a snack so we got back up. Danielle woke up and I climbed back into bed between 4:30 and 5.

Sun...Tom's work called at 7:30am!!!! Wouldn't you know it I couldn't get back to sleep. I was zombie all day. We went to church at 11 and stayed for lunch. Afterwards we tried to finish up school shopping. We got home about 9pm.

Other notes... Drew's band has been asked to play at quite a few places lately. They're really excited and have even been paid for some of them. 2 wks ago they played at a wedding and a benefit. This weekend was a Founder's Day celebration on Saturday and a benefit on Sunday. Tonight they're playing at a bar.

Well since this is still sitting here open since 9:30 this morning...I'll update.

I went to the OB today :o( It was a little rough sitting there and affected me a bit more then I thought it would. I was asked what I'm going to do now and said....proceed as normal...whatever that is. lol Everything checked out ok. My weight was the same as it was at my last appointment. My blood pressure was 106/80. I have NO idea how she always gets such unbelieveably low numbers like that. My glucose numbers while acceptable weren't really where he wants them. (I thought they were good and I my A1C is only 5.1!!!!) So I'm back on glucophage and he's added acarbose. I'm also back on my non pg high blood pressure meds. We wants me back in in 2mos. I'm hoping I may need to go in before that. :o)

My turn again....

It's my Friday over at Largerfamilies.com.

The topic is making your kids feel special. Run on over and read my post...I'm her favorite!

Carrie's birth story

Her stats...

Carolyn Marie
September 7, 1994
1:31pm
8lbs 7oz

I found out I was pg when Luke was 10mos old. I was due on Labor Day (Sept 5th). I went to my OB's office for the first time when I was 10wks along. Unfortunately for me I was assigned to the OB from hell! She was only there for a year and for that I am THANKFUL! She micromanaged everything and drove me (and the lab ladies) crazy. My blood pressure was a little high at my first appointment but was fine most of the pregnancy until near the end. BUT because of that one high reading the OB insisted I had chronic hypertension...not pregnancy induced hypertension. I suggested maybe the inital high reading was due to nerves but was poo-poo'ed.

Due to her thinking of Chronic hypertension she had me doing lab work everytime I turned around. The lab ladies hated to see me coming since the OB ordered them to do EVERY test they could. According to the lab techs there was no need to do them all and she was the only dr that ever did that. I failed my 1 and 3hr GTT at 26wks and was put on a GD diet. My sugar numbers never went high while on the diet and monitoring it.

Starting at 34wks the dr decided weekly dr visits wasn't enough and I needed more monitoring. I had to do weekly NST and biophysical workups. My blood pressure started creeping up at 36wks. I decided to be crazy and camped in a tent with all the kids at our church's annual summer conference when I was 37wks. After a few days I had one of the nurses check my pressure because it didn't seem right. She got a reading off the roof. She told me to gather the kids and get home on the couch NOW! It helped a bit but was still a bit high at my next dr appt. The dr started really pushing the induction. I talked her out of it as long as I promised to put myself on bedrest.


Tuesday after Labor Day I had my next appt. It was early so that there was time to be admitted and an induction started. She examined me and told me I was 2cm and 50% effaced. I agreed to head to the hospital for an induction. It was about 1'ish when I was hooked up and the pit was started. Nothing happened all day. About 9pm Dr T (same OB who delivered Luke) came in and suggested we stop the pit for the night. She explained I was till thick and closed and hadn't progressed at all since being admitted. I was livid...thick and closed!?!?! I was told I was 2cm and 50% effaced! It was the only reason why I agreed to come here today.

Dr T responds with...that's ok I was told you were 3cm, 75% effaced and your blood pressure was high (it was fine!) Seems they'd told my regular OB that they were full and unless it was necessary they didn't have room for me. So it seems she told us what we wanted to hear. After doing the inital exam after admitting me, Dr T thought since I'd already had so many kids all I needed was a little pit. I replied with...if anyone had bothered to ask me (or tell me the truth) I'd have told them it was useless unless my cervix was ripe!

We decided to turn off the pit and do cervidil (or something similar) applications every 4hrs. What a pain. I had to lay flat in bed while we were doing it. I was allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and walk around for a few minutes before the next application. About 6am I felt my first contraction. :o) I'd sent Tom home after midnight to get some rest. I called Tom and told him to come up as soon as he could. It was the first day of school so he had to get the 3 oldest kids on the bus. BIL was staying with the kids who weren't in school.

The pit was hooked up about 9'ish and the contractions picked up quickly. We were all joking and taking bets whether the baby would be born before or after lunch. I picked after, Dr T picked before. Shortly after 1 the nurse was in checking things. She watched me through a contraction and said she was going to get the doctor. What an angel! By the time the dr got there I was feeling ready to push. They broke down the bed while I reported that I could feel the baby coming down. It was an uneventful, 2 small pushs delivery.

Joke Jakey style

I came home the other day to the kids all trying to tell me a joke that Jake made up while I was gone. It's one of those times when you try really hard not to laugh but can't help but end up ROFL'ing.

It started off that that Liz had said "A!" (meaning Ass)

Someone says....Awwww! I'm telling mom you said A!

She starts reciting the alphabet....B...C...D...E...F...G and says...

THERE! Now you can tell mom I said A through G.

Jake immediately shouts out...Well you can tell mom I said F to U!

We survived!

The first day of school has come and gone. Everyone got out the door when they needed to. I still have a few things to get for them but all in all we're good. Olivia tried to stay home this morning...her belly hurt. I made her go. I hope she doesn't try this too much this year. I don't really have negotiating and cajoling time in the morning.

Pat went with me to drop off Michelle. We ran to the dollar store and while there I started getting a headache. I realized I never had any coffee before we left. At the same time we both said...DUNKIN DONUTS! We shared an XL cappuccino and 2 donuts.

It was a bit too early to go grocery shopping so we decided to kill some time at the pet store. As were we getting out of the van I realized I didn't have my diaper bag. I'd left it at Dunkin Donuts!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?! How come I've been losing/leaving my wallet/bag everywhere!?! Normally I'd have to have my bag to leave since my keys would be in it. This time was different because I was letting Pat drive so he had the keys in his pocket. We ran back to DD and luckily they'd seen us walk out and put it behind the counter. PHEW! We went back to the pet store and oogled the animals for a while. Danielle really enjoyed it.

Shortly after we got there Jess called Pat and said she was almost out of class (Michelle still had 3hrs to go). He told her to meet us at the pet store when she was done. She called back about 10mins later. Seems her exhaust pipe had fallen off and was hanging under her car. We jumped in the van, drove up to the college and Pat wired it up. Now we had to find a muffler place. One place gave her a $200 estimate which her dad and I told her was too much. About half an hour later we found where we wanted to be and they had a $140 estimate in hand. I left them at the shop and headed out to do my errands.

I stopped at Wendy's (which I will NOT being doing on a regular basis!) ordered a jr bacon and side salad for me, and a sm fries for Danielle who had fallen asleep. So I sat in Walmart parking lot and enjoyed my lunch while she slept. After she woke up and had a few fries we headed in to shop. We have a nasty cold with a cough going around here so I needed some meds. I felt like people were thinking I was a drug dealer/manufacturer with all the different types of cold meds I was picking up. Damn you backwoods meth labs for turning innocent homemakers into suspects!

My phone rang as I was starting into the grocery area of WM. It was Pat telling me that they were still waiting for the car to be fixed. Hmmm I thought they told them it wouldn't be long. Next thing I know he's RAAAA'ing me. What a jokster. Just as we were finishing up Michelle called to be picked up. So much for not knowing how to kill time while she was in class. I hadn't finished my errands so I dragged her along for another hour.

We got home at 4:30 which is prime afterschool crazy time. Being the first day of school EVERYONE had papers for me to fill out. So like a good girl I did my homework. Then I finished putting groceries away and started dinner. I want dinner to be ready to serve by 6:30 on school nights, it was 7. I have some work to do. I'm thinking of starting to use my crockpot more. One small problem is my 18qt slowcooker/roaster is too big for a meal and the 4qt is a tad too small. I can use it to make sauces or parts of meals I guess. Maybe Monday I'll hit the thrift stores and see if I can find another 4qt or larger one.

We're in the middle of switching some rooms around here. That means tons of things out of place, tons of things that have no place to be put, bags of stuff that no one wants anymore and a huge pile of clothes that seem to have gotten dirty without being worn and need to be washed. I can't wait until it's all taken care of! This place is a disaster area right now. At least my front coat closet is clean and organized! (did it last weekend) Unfortunately I found out just how small it is....it can't even hold 12 winter coats much less enough winter and spring ones for everyone...NOT TOK friendly!

Today is Carrie's 12th birthday (will write out her birth story later). It means she can now join the youth group at church. She's been bugging me, trying to get me to send her to the meetings early. Big bad mom wouldn't break the rules. I hope it's as exciting as she thinks it's going to be. lol She wanted chinese for dinner so we're ordering sesame chicken. I'm making lo mein here so there'll be something filling to go along with it.

Bus is here. Time to see if everyone survived another day.

We survived!

The first day of school has come and gone. Everyone got out the door when they needed to. I still have a few things to get for them but all in all we're good. Olivia tried to stay home this morning...her belly hurt. I made her go. I hope she doesn't try this too much this year. I don't really have negotiating and cajoling time in the morning.

Pat went with me to drop off Michelle. We ran to the dollar store and while there I started getting a headache. I realized I never had any coffee before we left. At the same time we both said...DUNKIN DONUTS! We shared an XL cappuccino and 2 donuts.

It was a bit too early to go grocery shopping so we decided to kill some time at the pet store. As were we getting out of the van I realized I didn't have my diaper bag. I'd left it at Dunkin Donuts!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?! How come I've been losing/leaving my wallet/bag everywhere!?! Normally I'd have to have my bag to leave since my keys would be in it. This time was different because I was letting Pat drive so he had the keys in his pocket. We ran back to DD and luckily they'd seen us walk out and put it behind the counter. PHEW! We went back to the pet store and oogled the animals for a while. Danielle really enjoyed it.

Shortly after we got there Jess called Pat and said she was almost out of class (Michelle still had 3hrs to go). He told her to meet us at the pet store when she was done. She called back about 10mins later. Seems her exhaust pipe had fallen off and was hanging under her car. We jumped in the van, drove up to the college and Pat wired it up. Now we had to find a muffler place. One place gave her a $200 estimate which her dad and I told her was too much. About half an hour later we found where we wanted to be and they had a $140 estimate in hand. I left them at the shop and headed out to do my errands.

I stopped at Wendy's (which I will NOT being doing on a regular basis!) ordered a jr bacon and side salad for me, and a sm fries for Danielle who had fallen asleep. So I sat in Walmart parking lot and enjoyed my lunch while she slept. After she woke up and had a few fries we headed in to shop. We have a nasty cold with a cough going around here so I needed some meds. I felt like people were thinking I was a drug dealer/manufacturer with all the different types of cold meds I was picking up. Damn you backwoods meth labs for turning innocent homemakers into suspects!

My phone rang as I was starting into the grocery area of WM. It was Pat telling me that they were still waiting for the car to be fixed. Hmmm I thought they told them it wouldn't be long. Next thing I know he's RAAAA'ing me. What a jokster. Just as we were finishing up Michelle called to be picked up. So much for not knowing how to kill time while she was in class. I hadn't finished my errands so I dragged her along for another hour.

We got home at 4:30 which is prime afterschool crazy time. Being the first day of school EVERYONE had papers for me to fill out. So like a good girl I did my homework. Then I finished putting groceries away and started dinner. I want dinner to be ready to serve by 6:30 on school nights, it was 7. I have some work to do. I'm thinking of starting to use my crockpot more. One small problem is my 18qt slowcooker/roaster is too big for a meal and the 4qt is a tad too small. I can use it to make sauces or parts of meals I guess. Maybe Monday I'll hit the thrift stores and see if I can find another 4qt or larger one.

We're in the middle of switching some rooms around here. That means tons of things out of place, tons of things that have no place to be put, bags of stuff that no one wants anymore and a huge pile of clothes that seem to have gotten dirty without being worn and need to be washed. I can't wait until it's all taken care of! This place is a disaster area right now. At least my front coat closet is clean and organized! (did it last weekend) Unfortunately I found out just how small it is....it can't even hold 12 winter coats much less enough winter and spring ones for everyone...NOT TOK friendly!

Today is Carrie's 12th birthday (will write out her birth story later). It means she can now join the youth group at church. She's been bugging me, trying to get me to send her to the meetings early. Big bad mom wouldn't break the rules. I hope it's as exciting as she thinks it's going to be. lol She wanted chinese for dinner so we're ordering sesame chicken. I'm making lo mein here so there'll be something filling to go along with it.

Bus is here. Time to see if everyone survived another day.

Thank you everyone

I really appreciate everyone's messages during this rollercoaster of a week. Things are slowly getting better emotionally. I know it won't ever go away (this is my 2nd m/c) but it does get better. I also know it'll hit me again when I least expect it. At least it did last time. Things have been really busy here, which helps a bit.

One thing about all this that I can consider good and even a gift to me. Becoming pg caused me to take stock in my health again. While my sugar levels probably were ok before I became pg, I wasn't eating right and the weight wasn't coming off like it should've. Actually I've gained some weight back since the end of last year. I'd gotten lax about taking my blood pressure meds so I know my pressure was high with our without the pg. I hadn't started ANY exericse at all. I'm taking all this as a sign that I'm to put my health up higher in my priorities. Time to take better care of myself! Plus when/if I become pr again it can go well right from the start!

Today is the last day of summer vacation. As usual I'm pretty sad to see it end. I LOVE the unstructured summertime. This year is looking to need me to be the most organized ever. Tom and the kids are going out the door at all hours between 6 and 10am, and never the same time each day. Not only are they going out but I am too, since I have to drive and pickup Michelle.

On top of getting the house ready (which will NEVER happen) I'm also trying to get myself ready. Some days Michelle needs to leave the house just as or before the bus gets here for the youngest group of kids. I'm not sure how that'll work out at all. Whether they'll still be here to catch the bus or I'll have to drop them off after I drop off Michelle. Then there's the time problem. Will I be able to do all that before the school day actually starts?

One of my problems is Michelle perpetually runs late. I told her to hurry up this morning and she replied with...I have tons of time (she had 30 mins and was still wrapped in a towel). She was out the door late, luckily no young kids/bus to deal with. I told her ALL I'm asking of her is that she be on time...waiting at the door at 8:30...not almost out the door at 8:30.

To make things better this morning I get in the van and see my gastank read E! GRRRRRR DREEEEEEEW!!!! He borrowed the van this weekend so his band could drive to a gig. He was SUPPOSE to replace the gas before he brought it home. I ran back into the house, grabbed my bank card, dropped off Michelle and stopped at the gas station. With school shopping things are TIGHT financially this payperiod, wouldn't you know it, my bankcard was declined. One of the benefits of small town living...the gas station attendant knew me and allowed me to leave without paying for it. I ran home, jumped online, transfered a few dollars and ran back to the gas station. 2nd try did the trick and my card was accepted. PHEW! Drew's already been given a piece of my mind. Betcha he was wishing he didn't have a cell phone right about now. lol

I am managing to get a bunch of things done around here. (actually I'm suppose to be working now instead of blogging but a girl's gotta stop for coffee once in a while lol) I've hung coathooks in the doorway of the livingroom coatcloset for bookbags. The closet is one of my few regrets when planning/building this house. It's TINY! It can't hold 12 winter coats in it much less spring AND winter things. It's one of the few things I wish I could redo about this house, along with a 1st floor laundryroom. What we really need is a huge mudroom with tons of hooks and cubbies or lockers.

I've been a lean mean laundry machine. I'm trying to catchup from not having my hands free for the last 2wks (filled with cranky Danielle). Add in bedrooms and laundryroom floor being cleaned and you have TONS of laundry waiting. I can't begin to explain it. Actually I'd be too embarrassed to even try. Let's just say if I ever see the end of these piles...you'll hear me celebrating whereever you are. :o)

Part of my organizing is trying to figure out things for quick take along breakfasts and lunches. I'm not going to be home from 10 to 4 on Monday and Wednesday so have to figure out quick or make ahead dinners for those days too. You'd think I had this all down pat by now. Have to get it planned out today so I can hit the grocery store tomorrow while waiting for Michelle to get out of class.

Well guess my break is over. Kids seem to think if mom's rear is in a chair all work can end. What I wouldn't do for a megaphone and bullwhip right about now! ;o)

Hard news to break

My worst fear has come true. Friday morning I started to miscarry. It was a sad, slow, hard day. When I first saw the blood I had a bit of hope that it might be just a fluke. Within an hour I was pretty sure it was a done deal. Tom called home about 15mins after I was sure and I told him. He sounded upset and shaken and tried to console me. He mentioned a few comments people at work made when they heard I was pg. I hope they are more sensitive toward him when they hear I'm not anymore. I can imagine the callous things that they say to him. It makes me mad. If this was a first or second pregnancy there'd be plenty of sympathy. I'm a bit afraid that Tom will decide this means his decision to be less cautious was wrong. I hope not. This isn't how I want my childbearing years to end!

After talking to Tom I had to run Michelle and Val to a friend's house. When I got home I told the rest of the kids that were here. Eileen and Olivia were the hardest to deal with. They were full of lots of questions. How did I know the baby died? What if it didn't? Am I sure? But what if... those were the hardest to deal with. The ones that were looking for hope. The poor kids didn't know what to do or say all day when I'd suddenly break into tears.

What I wanted to do the most was call Tom and ask him to come home from work early. I just wanted him here. I never did BUT he came home on his own about 1:30. :o) While working in the kitchen I suggested that he might consider taking off Tues and Wed so he'd have a loooong weekend. His reply...I can't. I have to save it for when the....oops. :o( I know how he feels. Eileen was cleaning her room and brought me one of Danielle's fleece booties from last winter. I said to myself...Oh I have to save this for the new baby...

I'd planned on getting a lot of work (mostly laundry) done. While I got some done it wasn't nearly enough. In the evening I felt claustraphobic so headed out into the backyard. I spied the rake and attacked the lawn. We raked up 6 lawncarts full of grass. I have a tiny blister on my thumb because of it but it felt good to work so hard!

Saturday morning I woke up early with plans to get all the work done that I wanted to do on Friday. I immediately went into the basement to do laundry. Before I could fold half the load in the dryer, Danielle had woken up and was crying. She's been a klingon and nursing constantly since. I don't really know WHY she's doing this but oh well. Part of me doesn't want to deal with her. Ontop of wanting to be selfish and just deal with ME. I've had her 24/7 for TWO weeks solid!!! I need a break.

My BIL's been out here since last night. Tom just came in to let me know BIL's paying for us to order pizza and wings. I could hug him! I really wasn't looking forward to grilling porkchops in the rain. They're ordered and Tom's on his way to pick them up. Guess I should go get things ready for dinner that I don't have to make! :o)

Michelle's first day

Today was Michelle's first day of classes. She said it went well. It was also the first day I had to drive her to those classes. I'll just get it out right now... I AM NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS! I'm trying not to complain too much infront of her. She'll feel bad for putting me out.

On Mon & Wed I have to drive her to class (21 miles one way) at 11 and pick her up at 3. Since I have to drive the gas guzzling van I hate to drive to school two times a day. I'm trying to figure out how to stay in the city for those 4hrs. I did it today but it wasn't very fun and it was costly (stupid Wal-Mart remodeling clearance!) If anyone has any ideas on how to kill time...leave me a suggestion in my comments. If I had a laptop I could go to the mall and sit online. (after mallwalking of course lol) They have free WiFi in the food court.

On Tues & Thurs I get a break and drop her off at Jess's house (7 miles from us in the direction of school). Problem is...she needs to be there at the same time the 3 little kids are waiting/getting on the bus! I think I'm going to have to get the kids ready for school early and bring them with me. Then drop them off at the school on the way home.

I'm trying to encourage her to find people who live near us that she can carpool with. Since I'll be going into the city once a week or so for my OB appt it won't be THAT bad, as long as I can coordinate things. I feel bad because I feel like I'm gouging her for gas money. I figured it'll cost me about $45/wk to drive her (not including what she gives to Jess). So if she gets a workstudy job she's pretty much working for my gas money. :o( I'm wondering if it was smart of her to not get the Stafford Loan just so she'd have some breathing room financially (doesn't have to use it and she's the type that wouldn't). I don't know if she can try to get it now after she's declined it.

I wanna know why I thought things would be easier once they were adults!