Monday, May 19, 2008

A GOOD weekend!

I haven't had a weekend like this one in quite a while. It was really busy AND I managed to get a bunch of stuff done. Friday morning was Michelle and Jess's graduation rehearsal. The kids and I camped out in the parking lot until they were done since it only took an hour. We then went to lunch and dropped Michelle off at work. On the way home I ran into the hardware store and picked up a timer for the well pump. Unfortunately after we got home I realized it only had 2 settings so not what I needed. I picked up Michelle from work and we ran to Lowe's. They had something I could use but it didn't take a 3 prong grounded plug like I needed. I was pretty bummed and thought we'd never find a solution. Fortunately I found something even better at Walmart! It took a 3 prong plug and allowed me to turn on or off the pump in 15 minute increments. Wooohoo! So now the pump gets turned on for a cycle every 45mins. Not only is it keeping up with us, it seems to be ahead of us. I did 5 loads of laundry on Saturday, 8 on Sunday and I'll throw more in just as soon as everyone has their showers (still a little leary of running out). I'm hoping to finish what's in the hall today. Then it's onto straightening up the laundry area in the basement and cleaning up some bedrooms which I know will create MORE laundry. I JUST WANT IT DONE!!!

Saturday was one of those days when you get so busy and so much accomplished you don't want to go to bed and have it end. Sean finally insisted I come to bed (kept waking up). I used to have those types of days a lot when all the kids were younger. It used to be how I stayed afloat. I'd put the kids to bed by 8 or 9 and then to go town on the house until 1, 2, even 3am. Then the kids insisted on getting older and staying up later, and we got a computer. Everything went downhill from there. lol

We managed to get quite a few things that had been bugging us done. We went through a bunch of baskets of clothes that had been sitting around the living room. The huge pile of toys in the corner of the livingroom that was threatening to take over the place is now gone! I washed a bunch of toy kitchen things and they are now in drawers in the livingroom, making it easy for Danielle to play with. She's thrilled! Sean now has a basket of clean and safe things to play with out here too. The thing about tearing things apart and taking care of makes a mess! Normal everyday things don't get done and you always end up with a few small piles that have to be dealt with. So while it looked a lot better in here, it wasn't pretty.

On Sunday I was up bright and early and started back in. Did a few more loads of laundry, cleared off and bleached down counters, cleaned a bathroom, etc. We had to leave here by noon for Michelle's graduation so I was also working toward that (only a few of us went). My dad was riding with us to the college. When he got here I saw him scan the livingroom and I could see thoughts churning in his head. I fought the urge to defend and make excuses for myself. It was like being 10 all over again. lol

The graduation was in the college gym. Two hours packed onto narrow wood bleachers while juggling a 9.5mo is not good for the back. An elderly lady sitting at the very top of our section of the bleachers passed out. We were in a back corner so it didn't distract from the ceremony too much. She seemed to be ok when they carried her out of the gym, I hope she was. Sean's favorite thing to do for most of the 2hrs was to kick the person in front of us in the back. Luckily it was Carl. He said he liked the back massage. lol After the ceremony we enjoyed the refreshments they served and then headed on home.

I had to call home for something during the drive home. I got off the phone and told Tom...the kids said they cleaned. Unfotunately their idea of clean and my idea of clean are two different things. My dad goes both ways Kim. When I asked him what he meant he said...his idea of clean is different then my idea of clean. I set him straight! No dad, our ideas of clean are probably the same. It's the degree to which we ATTAIN that idea of clean that's different.

Whether anyone believes it or not, I really do want a clean house. I know it makes life easier. The thing is...I'm a slob. My maintenance skills are nonexistant. I make piles and messes, with the full intention of taking care of them in a minute. I know what work I have to do and do it a zillion times in my head. It's the getting it from my head to doing it that's the problem. And I really have no idea why it's a problem...Laziness? Procrastination? Selfishness? All of the above? I just don't know.

Anways, back to the weekend. We walked in the door from graduation and it looked very nice in here!!! WTG kids! (or should I say Liz lol) We didn't really do anything special. Michelle and Jess were having a little celebration in her room. I let Michelle pick what she wanted for dinner and she decided to go for an easy dinner of Hofmann hotdogs, salad and chips which was fine by me. She said she'll wait for the good food for her and Val's graduation party. :o)

I took a break from the laundry so Val and Liz could each throw a load in. Still it ended like it started, with the washer and dryer going. And that's how this morning is starting too. I WILL conquer the beast! The elementary and middle school kids have half a day today for Articulation day (next year's class selection). Maybe we'll try to take control in Eileen and Olivia's room after I get back from dropping Michelle off at work. Tonight is the last soccer practice before the church's tournament this weekend. That means I'll have to get dinner done at a decent time.

PHEW! Sean just went down for a nap. I'm off to switch laundry over and get a bagel for breakfast.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Grreeeen Acres is the place for me!

Faaaaaarrm living is the life I'll lead!

Oh the country life...

I generally LOVE it but sometimes, sometimes I despise it. Like right now. I'm sitting here dozing off waiting for the minutes to pass so I can switch on a water pump. Our water setup is NOT working for us right now. We're in desperate need of a new timing system for our supply well (we have 2 that is our supply and feeds into a 2nd well. The second well is basically a holding tank and feeds the house) I manually can't turn the supply well on enough times a day to allow enough water to be pumped into the second well. Consequently that means I'm perpetually either out of water or on the verge of running out.

This results in dad banging on the bathroom door with shouts of....TAKE A NAVY SHOWER! There's complaints from teenage boys who really don't want to go to school stinky. There's requests from the girls to be brought over to church at 5am so they can take showers in the dorms there before school. There's a mom sitting here in a sleepy haze, waiting for it to be time to turn on the pump at least one more time before she climbs into bed. A mom who's ready to start the HUGE piles of clothes in the hallway on fire and declare public nudity legal! A mom who has NO idea what the kids will wear to school tomorrow and hopes something appropriate will fall from the sky. A mom who wonders if it's ok to let a 2yo wear her bathingsuit out in public, especially when the high is set to only be 60 that day.

UGH! UGH! UGH! This is ONE part of country living I wish I could change. Technically I guess I can, so I shouldn't complain. I just need to find the impossible to find parts for our timer. If it was years ago (before the 2nd well was put in) I'd have to call the water supplier every couple of days and pay over $30 for each 1000 gals they delivered right now. There are some people whose wells are dry and have NO chance at regaining water into their house. Thankfully I'm not one of them.

*fell asleep in my chair around 2:30, ran the well one last time and went to bed

Here I am 4 hrs later, ran the well, have my coffee on my desk, big kids are taking their morning shower. I'm thinking everyone will go to school today. If they do that'll be 3 days in a row that EVERYONE has gone. I don't know when the last time that was. I have to drive Michelle and Jess to their graduation rehearsal at 11. Michelle has a few hours to kill between rehearsal and work. So what does big mouth me say...We'll go to lunch....MY treat, for the graduates. I'd love to get out of it only for the fact that I don't know if I have clothes for the kids. I was thinking I might be able to run into Walmart and grab something but that would require they be wearing something already. lol

I'm thinking it might benefit me to run to the laundromat, but when and with who? The kids have activity club tonight and I am NOT making them miss that for laundry, they look forward to it all weekend. I don't want to waste a Saturday there since I wanted to stay home and get this house in better shape. Sunday is Michelle's graduation. I don't know, maybe I can find a quick solution to the timer problem at Home Depot or Lowes today.

Jake is balking at going to school. His stomach hurts! He's going to throw up! It'd be my luck that the one time I MAKE him go, he'd throw up at school. He's been successful at avoiding the 1st trip bus and is still trying to work me over for the 2nd one.

I think he just gave up. I just wrote his excuse, he went to clean up and has his bookbag. He just realized he has 20mins left before he heads out the door. So he's serenading me with the "5 More Weeks of School Left" song. Hmmm I just found out why he might've had a bellyache. I guess he never typed and printed out the final copy of a letter he needed to do. Seems no one would let him on the computer last night to do it. Yeah right, like I would let that happen. So we've had a discussion about making excuses and I've helped him with getting the assignment typed out...letting him know it's a one shot deal. Now they're all out the door waiting for the bus and I'm left feeling like I need to go take a nap!

There were other things I originally planned on talking about this morning but they seem to have been crammed into some dark abyss for now. Maybe they'll surface and I'll come back here later. Need to get another cup of coffee and start getting ready to go out the door. Hmmmm, Danielle is being pretty quiet....OH DANIELLLLLE!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Bedtime Blips

Yeah! Time for a bullet post...ain't I fancy!

  • Carrie's endo called on Friday. She's still throwing protein in her urine. (I didn't realize it's been showing up since at least March '07!) So we'll be starting her on blood pressure meds very soon. She's not too thrilled to say the least.

  • Sean's been a fussbucket lately. I think he's cutting his 4th top tooth because he also chomped on me while nursing last night...OUCH!

  • My aunt from Red Creek decided to visit. I guess this would explain why I had such a horrible day the last two Sundays. While I think it's unfair and worthless for anyone who CAN'T get pg to have to deal with AF. I'm a bit relieved to have a reason (excuse?) why I could've been feeling like I have. I was starting to worry that I was getting hit with extremely delayed PPD.

  • I still haven't heard back from the people who were going to give us chickens. I'm afraid they've made other arrangements and just haven't called us to let us know. I have my eyes on a few deals at a hatchery or two.

  • Michelle's last final is tomorrow and I don't have to drive! WOOHOO! Cory was gracious enough to get up early and take her. He's also taking her to her dr's appt in the afternoon.

  • I'll probably end up driving into the city anyways. Val's been having really bad headaches again and needs to be seen before her next dr appt at the end of June. I have a feeling that her blood pressure medicine isn't working for her anymore. :o(

  • I fell back to sleep after Tom left for work and fell into a heavy dream that was extremely hard to wake up from. I dreampt we were living in a mobile home and the new owners were to move in on the 1st. The owners showed up on the 29th! I was scrambling around trying to get piles and piles and piles of stuff thrown into bags, accomodate the new owners and deal with my huge family in a mobile home. When I was almost packed I realized I still had the basement to do which was as bad or worse then the living area. When I finally snapped out of my dream I realized I had overslept and we were half an hour late!

  • I had THREE kids stay home from school today for various reasons. I'm really getting sick of this constant battle everyday! I feel like I might be > < this close to homeschooling! But if I can't get them out the door, how would I get them to complete work?

  • 1378...miles on my new car as of now. On Wednesday I was driving to school and realized it was a week almost to the minute that we owned the car. The odometer at that time read 888. WHERE are these miles coming from? I think Danielle is taking the car for joy rides in the middle of the night or something. At the rate we're going the *warranty will expire 14 mos from now. UGH! (*5yr/60,0000miles)

  • Tom hasn't gotten his promotion yet. The car payment will be due very soon. New insurance payment is due this month.

  • God made Sean VERY cute for a reason. He didn't nap for more then 5 minutes (literally) all day. He's getting faster and more curious with each passing second. His sense of humor is starting to show. He's silly!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Sunday Already!?!

I think someone pushed our fast forward button. It seems like this weekend just flew by. I didn't manage to get much of what I wanted to get done, done. Oh well, same old same old. I ended up ramming around afterall on Friday. Val needed to be picked up at school, the kids went to activity club at church and then I took Liz to my sister's for the weekend. It's my niece's Junior prom today and Liz was her date. Since I had the car I offered to run Val back in today to help Liz with her hair and makeup. So today after dropping off Carrie at my SIL's and Michelle at work, we went back to my sisters and spent most of the evening there. We were going to stop by my parents' when Val pointed out we were short on time so headed straight to Michelle's work. We were 15mins early getting her which allowed me to pick up some milk and browse. Oh the money I could waste there. But then again it's not being wasted if we eat it (bad bad trap to fall in...thinking it's ok to spend money you don't have cause it's food)

With it being Mother's Day I've really missed my MIL. Well, I've missed her quite a bit besides this weekend but even moreso now. I often find myself lifting the lid of her old footstool and going through the bags of squares she crocheted for Danielle. (I inherited her knitting supplies and it's where she kept them). She told me she started a blanket for Danielle and I had to finish it for her. Maybe I'll get it done by the time Danielle has her own baby. lol

I hurt for Tom. I know it's hard on him to not have his parents around, to have the house being sold, to have things change in his family. Sometimes I can just see the heaviness in him. I feel guilty having both my parents to visit and talk to. It's quite noticeable that Tom has distanced himself from their house. He used to stop by all the time to fill his coffee cup. I think he's stopped by there a handful of times in the last two years. Usually when I go, it's without him. Granted I haven't been going there very much myself, what with our busy life happening. And when I do it's usually attached to a dr appt or errand and he's not with me. Still, I'm not the only one who's noticed it.

Tom and Drew finished the floor and two long walls of the coop on Fri. I was a bit disappointed to not see much progress on it when I pulled into the driveway tonight. I know Tom was really busy with other stuff, mostly everyday Saturday things....dump runs, bottle returns, and whatnot. I then learned one of the reasons things didn't get far. He left the bag of nails he bought at the local hardware store...AT THE STORE! Luckily it's a mom and pop operation and they knew him and what he'd done. You can't do too much building without proper fasteners, so he's excused. Besides I'm pretty sure he's nursing a sore elbow today from all the hammering he did yesterday so a day of rest probably did it some good. Not to mention Drew was busy today and promised to be back tomorrow to help finish things up.

When Michelle got off of work she came out to the car with something behind her back. It was a smallish cake for me for Mother's Day. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep it hidden but she tried. lol She knows I love lemon so HAD to get it. It's a lemon cake with lemon cheesecake frosting. It was in the house for about 30mins before she asked if we could cut it tonight. She wanted me to have it for my breakfast tomorrow. She cut me a piece and then tried to tell everyone the cake was too small for them to have any. I told her there was NO WAY I could enjoy this cake if I didn't get to share it so figure out how to share it. She managed to cut everyone a small piece and leave me 1/4 of the cake for my morning coffee. :oD It is the most DELICIOUS thing I've had in quite a while! I told her she just started me on a new addiction! I'm sitting here trying to fight the urge to grab a bedtime snack of it.

The kids are so funny about Mother's Day. A lot of them have had cards and/or presents made for days. It's so hard for them to wait to give them to me. I keep getting what's your favorite color (none but if I have to pick, it's usually green with yellow a close second). Mom what's your favorite food (STEAK! I could eat it all day, everyday!) and on and on. They knew what I'd say when they asked what I wanted for a gift....a clean house. Without me here and with Tom outside working, not much happened in the house toward that goal though.

My sister is bringing Liz home, I think. I told her I was coming back in to visit our mom for Mother's Day and she thought I could get Liz then. I would except that I probably won't be in until bedtime and I don't think Liz can wait that long. Or want to be out that late. For my mom, I'm baking a rhubarb only pie (no apple or strawberry added). I'm also going to be ordering her an optical mouse with some gift certificates I have. I feel bad for getting her computer stuff but they need it and she says she wants that type of it works for me too. I'd get flowers too but I don't really have the $$ for it. It's a non payday week. (they suck!)

I'm already dreading the search for church clothes in the morning. Not to mention I have to do the well water level vs the need for freshly laundered clothes for school dance tomorrow too. At least it's slated to be a beautiful day so I can hang out clothes, saving our low propane supply for hot water usage. We should get a delivery in a day or so.

Well Sean's getting heavy in my arms so it must be time to go to bed. Hope all you moms have a great Mother's Day!

Friday, May 09, 2008

OOPS! Please excuse my rudeness!

The first thing I meant to do in my last post was thank you all for your thoughts and prayers these last few weeks. THANK YOU! It's really meant a lot to come here or open my email acct and see the outpouring of support. I can't say it enough...THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I'd update everyone but I'm not really sure how things are going. I have almost no contact ATM. Just to alleviate some concerns and kids are all ok.



Yesterday was Michelle's last day of school. She had one more gym visit to do, 2 finals to take and an art project to turn in. Next Tues she has her last final which should take about an hour. The following Fri she has graduation rehearsal for an hour. Graduation is Sun the 18th.

When I got up I found out that Michelle had been up ALL night working on her art project. She had to create a Rube Goldberg type machine that kept a marble moving for exactly 20secs. When she tested it at 7am the running time was 8.24 secs. ooops!

I'm such a wuss at parenting. I actually found myself starting to suggest that I get glue sticks on the way home from dropping her off, work on it while she was taking her tests and then run it back to school. Then I realized...SHE waited until the last second!!! It's not MY project (although I'd love to do one like's my kind of thing). So got over that mindset quickly. I still found myself thinking on and off all day on how she could improve it or done things differently. LOL

I felt bad for her but didn't feel sorry. You'd think with having a while to do the project, one would realize they needed glue sticks sooner then 12hrs before the project was due. (she was rummaging around my room by cell phone screen light at midnight trying to find them) She had to work with Elmer's glue instead which meant more time waiting for it to dry and less strength to hold things.

Mostly I felt bad for her because I knew she was extremely tired. It's so hard to think when you're so tired. Plus she had to walk to work and work until 9pm! She came home and crashed immediately! On the way home though she was telling me that her and a friend worked on her project during her break. They upped the travel time to over 16secs. :o) Not too shabby.

Today is a DAY OFF for Michelle, which means also for me! Woohooo! I don't have to drive anywhere tonight. I still have to take the kids to church activities tonight but that's no biggie. I keep finding myself thinking...oh, I'll do this or that. Oh, I'll pick up that...when I drive Michelle. Oops! No I can't! And a bit of giddiness creeps in. :oD The other great part of today is...Tom took today off too! So he's home. Granted his schedule is full of chicken coop building. It's still nice to see him home and relaxing a bit.

Drew and Allison visited yesterday. I hadn't talked to them in a while and it was nice. You'd think with them living less then a mile away we'd see each other all the time...but life gets in the way. I was bugging Allison about making wedding plans and her need to talk to her parents. I think she hasn't done it because she doesn't want to ask them/burden them with the financial aspect of it. I told her, the worse they can say is...You're on your own honey. And that's not too bad, we can work around that. We just need to know about it. I'm hoping she does it soon since Sept will be here before we know it (even though it seems ages away right now). They brought me Allison's old cell phone to use since mine bit the dust on Sunday and I haven't gotten to the store to see if it's fixable. I can now text and call in style with my hot magenta motorola.

They also brought their puppy, Sweet Pea. She's a very cute and tiny chiauau mix. Problem is, she causes Danielle to fall to pieces. She shakes, crys hysterically and demands to be held. We're trying to get her acclimated to it, afterall, we're on the lookout for a puppy for ourselves. Danielle even wants us to, in theory. Being a country girl she can't let things like this overcome her. So we're gently working with her to overcome her fear. She's excited about the chickens coming. I keep thinking, yeah until she realizes that THEY MOVE!!!! LOL It'll be interesting to say the least. Who knows though she might just be fine with them.

We're getting 14 layers and 2 roosters from someone who is moving and can't take them with them. I thought they might be here already but I haven't heard from the couple who we're getting them from. I hope they didn't change their mind. Oh well, even if they do, we'll still be getting chickens. We'll just be buying them and raising them from chicks. A bit more money and work involved before we get any payout, but that's ok too.

Well I have TONS that I want to do today and none of it involves me sitting here on the computer. So I have to tear my fanny from this comfy chair.

Monday, May 05, 2008

God's planning is perfect

Hmmm I hope I can explain this without divulging too much info.

My cell phone broke yesterday so I wasn't readily accessible today. I made plans with D, using Michelle's cell phone, so she knew where I'd be today. Around 1 this afternoon Michelle called to tell me the school nurse had called her cell phone (which they've never done before). Liz was sick and needed to be picked up. So I loaded the little ones into the car 2.5 hrs early and headed in the opposite direction to the high school.

We headed home and Liz was feeling better and then antsy. She asked if we could leave to get Michelle early and Liz would take me to lunch at a chinese buffet restaurant. I declined. She then worked me over using Danielle as an adorable tool, capable of bending hardened steel. We got ready, Liz took Danielle out the door and I was heading toward the door with Sean when the phone rang. Liz asked me not to answer it but I saw it was one of the kids and decided to get it.

It ended up that this child desperately needed my help NOW. I told them I was already half way out the door and we'd be hold tight. So now we switch plans and head to where this person is.

Over 1.5hrs later I did something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but needed to be done. Something that probably wouldn't have been done had I not been there. The way things fell into place, I know I was doing what I was meant to do. Even if doing it turned the world upside down and brought me to tears.

Continued prayers for my family and all involved would be fully appreciated.

It's been one of those days

Those days that I hate yet they still rear their head once or twice year. Where you wonder...what the hell am I doing? What was I thinking? Where's the stop button? I want to get off!!

You wonder if there will be a time when anything can be said between certain people without a major snit happening. Where you look around and everywhere your eyes fall you see jobs that won't take hours but days . Where you sort laundry and every piece of clothing you KNOW wasn't worn (like my bathing suit!) is like a stab. You don't have the water, you don't have the time and no one should have to wash clean clothes, it just isn't right. You know that it's your doing. If you could only get caught up on folding and putting away the clean clothes. They wouldn't end up on the livingroom floor and then thrown into the laundry when kids are cleaning the livingroom. But that requires you to have somewhere to put the folded clothes and that requires something else to be cleaned off first and.... *heavy sigh* The girls started the job but it just seem to have made more of a mess of things and more clothes seem on their way to the livingroom floor.

Then I feel like a failure and unworthy to be the mom because I can't get them to listen and help without sounding like a raving lunatic. Do they realize this place isn't just bad, it's BAD! That if certain people saw this place it could get downright scary around here. While sorting laundry in the bathroom I hear...why bother, it's just going to be messy in a few minutes anyways. OUCH! TOUCHE! It would be oh so easy to say, I agree! So let's just say screw it! But I keep on sorting. It'd be nice to feel like I managed to do something constructive but all I've done is make piles of clothes that scream...LOOK HOW FAR BEHIND YOU ARE! You'll never catch up with the water situation like it is. Can't someone put MY needs first and just fix the stupid timer on the pump so I can have a decent supply of water? Don't you guys get's NOT working like it is!?! (my needs? oh that's rich, a good water supply so we can wash clothes, do dishes and take's all about me)

I know I'm suppose to fight against these discouraging thoughts and I try, really I do. I pray, scrub a pot, pray some more and scrub a bit harder. Then I get mad at myself that they seem to be winning and I'm not doing so well. All I want to do is go into my room and have a really good cry, but I don't have time...there's dinner to make, a crying baby to tend to, a toddler who's forgotten what a toilet is, a kid who needs to be picked up from work, sunday night before school stuff to do, laundry demand vs the shower demand vs the well water level battle to be fought, etc. So I stand at the sink and let the dirty pots and pans reduce me to hysterics. It's cookware for crying out loud!!! You're such a dolt! Compared to others your life is a cakewalk and here you are crying your eyes out...poor poor pitiful pearl. Oh great now all the kids are watching me out of the corners of their eyes, and walking on eggshells. This is NOT how things are suppose to be. It is not how I want them to be! UGGGGGGGGGGGGH!

Tom was watching me and on the verge of asking what's wrong. Luckily he doesn't ask because I know the answer "nothing" won't be accepted, especially while crying. I can't lay this on him. He works too hard to support us to be pulled down into this ugliness. There is NO way I would ever want him to think he wasn't doing enough to support us. The man would work 36hrs a day for us if it was possible. But to tell you the truth...I really don't know what the man was thinking when he bought that new car! The insurance bill came on Saturday and I almost threw up when I saw it. Our old bill not only doubled, it almost quadrupled! He has no idea when he'll get his promotion and I have $300+ a month added to the bills soon. I know, I know...more then half that money would've been spent in gas for the van if I'd been using it for the last 4+ days/650 miles. Not to mention we've had less stress now that we can both drive at the same time. Still there's something intimidating about a monthly car and insurance payment. I almost feel like the gas is like cigarettes...where you don't have the money for bills, but you always manage to find it for your cigarettes. (and before you smokers get up in arms...I used to smoke so I'm speaking from experience, not as a judgement) I know things will work out, they always do. I just have to stop being anxious.

I cleaned while the kids ate dinner, had to use the pented up whatever. As they left the table and went past me in the hall I got a few silent hugs. Danielle was watching me work, asking...why you cryin mommy? I drop what I'm doing, scoop her up and sit with her on the couch. The other kids are hanging out in Val's and Michelle's room, including Sean. We just sit and cuddle for a while until I hear Sean fussing. The kids bring him down into the livingroom and he joins us. After a few scrunched up nose, bare the teeth smiles from him....I'm goo.

Danielle sings us some songs. Sean entertains us with his..."I'm getting bigger every second" antics. I feel the depression and frustration easing a lot. How could I not want this? How could I not feel blessed to have what I do. I nurse Sean until he's out cold and put him to bed. Then Danielle and I do laundry and retreat to the couch again. The kids get ready for bed and we get in our pre bedtime hugs and cuddles. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Tom wakes up Sean as he's getting into bed and we do the nursing/cuddling/falling asleep routine again and back into bed he goes. Then it's Danielle's turn to cuddle and fall asleep. So warm and cuddly. I put her on the couch, switch laundry and get on here for some bare my soul time. Sean wakes up again and does the nursing/falls asleep thing again and here we sit, in the light of my computer monitor. Him with his head on my chest breathing slowly and deeply. Me, typing away trying to breathe in each of his breaths. Crying new tears...tears of awe, of thankfulness, of a love so's unfathomable. If I could I'd stay here in this chair, like this...forever. My life is perfect.

Saturday, May 03, 2008


498, that's the number of miles the odometer on my new car says. It said 9 or 10 miles when Tom was given the keys. So I've put on 488 miles in about 56hrs. Tom almost had a fit when I told him as I climbed into bed last night. I don't blame him it makes me a little sick to my stomach to see it. I'd like to be able to say that we went joy riding or took everyone on trips to try out the car, but we didn't. I think there was one trip around the block (3.2miles).

It doesn't seem possible and I have to wonder...have I really been driving THAT much? There were a few trips that I normally wouldn't take, like to come get me and then go pick up Tom's truck after picking up the car (80+ miles) and the extra run into the city for Carrie's 2nd TODAY study appt (60+ miles again). All around though, it's status quo. I feel like I'm personally melting the polar ice caps sometimes.

Oh well, at least I know any miles put on this weekend won't be my fault. My taxi cap is being put up on the shelf. As soon as Tom goes to the dump, I'm taking the kids in the van and driving to church. It's the May conference and we'll be there all day today and most of tomorrow.

Captain Lunkhead strikes again!!!

I was SO ready for Carrie's all day appt at the TODAY study. I had snacks, the portable DVD player with 3 movies for Danielle, and toys for Sean. The road construction and city traffic had us getting there 15mins late but they're ok with that. The nurses all fawn over Sean and Danielle and how much older Carrie looks (we were just there last month lol). We register, Carrie's vitals are taken and they put an IV in...on the first poke! Whoohooo! Her veins are shot from her bone marrow transplant making them teeny tiny and almost impossible for anyone to get, even with the smallest gauge catheter. So we're doing great. They let her rest a minute and then take about 11 vials of blood for her fasting tests. Her endo comes in and asks...did Carrie take her medicine this morning? When I answer yes all mayhem breaks out. OOPS! She wasn't suppose to take and they can't continue with the test. *lunkhead! lunkhead! lunkhead!*

Then everyone is trying to figure out what to do. Can she come in tomorrow and do the test? If so they can still use the fasting bloodwork. Yes I guess we can (wouldn't have said that without the new car to drive in). Her endo is such a tenderhearted man. He worked and worked to make it so Carrie could go home with the IV and not have to get poked again the next day. I assured them I could do what was required to keep it flowing, I'd done it for a year with Carrie's central line. Somene mentions I'm brave and daring. I reply, no I do what I have to do. If someone says...flush this line twice a day or she'll get a blood clot that can kill her, you do it! After many discussions it's determined protocol and rules prevented her leaving with it....bummer.

So we do a few things like talk with the diabetes educator, her physical and dexa (full body x-ray). It seems her blood pressure is high again so she's now on a low salt diet. I'm not sure I agree with that since I've read for most people it's of minimal use, but we'll certainly try to follow it. (guess our start wasn't so great since we had BLTs for dinner on Fri) If things aren't improving soon she'll have to start blood pressure meds. :o( And as usual her thyroid is in question...waiting on bloodwork. And she was tested to see if the pesky protein is still showing up in her we may end up looking at her kidneys a bit more closely.

We head out the door by 1:00 and head to my parents' house. My mom has had the flu since last Thurs and is still not feeling good. It's been so bad for her and she's terrified that the little ones will get it so banned me from going over. I decide there is NO way I can be in the city again without stopping. She's over a week into it and shouldn't be contagious, besides, we'll hang outside with my dad while we're there. She was totally ticked off and in tears that I didn't listen to her. Ooops! Sorry mom! We visited with my dad for a few hours and head home, getting there before the 2nd trip kids get there...surprising everyone.

The next day starts the same as the previous one. They didn't think I was very funny when I started to tell them that Carrie ate breakfast! Some people have no sense of humor! ;o) They didn't get Carrie on the first stick this time and she scared me when they finally got the line in. She started getting all whiney and crying. She was groggy and said she had a headache. I'd be worried she was having a reaction to something except she didn't have anything besides sterile water. I figured she's on the verge of passing out, have her lay down and within 5mins she's doing a bit better. She drinks the 75 grams of glucola* and we're on our way. They took bloodwork every 1/2 an hour and I tested on my meter whenever they were done. Here's how she ran...

129...fasting (normal is under 110)
247...1/2 hr
298...1 hr (normal is under 140)
387...1.5 hrs
298...2 hrs (normal is under 120..nurse did this fingerstick)
229...2.5hrs (half way home)

UGH! It totally throws her for a loop all day. She's tired, headachy and just not feeling well. I hate having her do this and sometimes wonder if it's such a great idea. I just hope her sacrifice helps out some child in the future to get better treatment and control of their diabetes. My hands are totally tied and THERE'S NOT A STINKIN' THING I CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER! It's one of the most frustrating things with Type 2 diabetes, knowing if she had insulin those numbers could probably be taken care of, if not lowered a bit more quickly. She was starving from fasting and as much as I wanted to ban her from eating, I had to let her eat. I thought about making her run home to try and bring her numbers down but decided against it.

I had a OKAAAAAAAAY moment at the 2hr mark when the nurse did a fingerstick on her. He wanted to make sure she wasn't low before letting her go. (yeah right) He sees the 298 and says WOW! You're 298! I flippantly say...Gee Carrie! You'd think you had diabetes or something! (hope he didn't hear my eyes rolling behind him lol)

Carrie asked me later in the evening...when's the next time I have to do that appt? I said I'm not sure if it's in 6mos or 1yr. She says, GOOD! I hate that appt! :o( We are headed back in in at the end of the month though. They want to recheck her blood pressure and see she's doing with taking her meds.

*75g of glucola is equivalent to...
1.5 cups of fruit loops with 1/2 cup of milk and a cup of orange juice or...
1 cup spaghetti, 1/4 cup of sauce, and 1 pc of Italian bread and 8oz milk