Thursday, March 29, 2012

Here I sit

and all I can hear is the roaring of my computer fan...NICE!    It's late but I took a nap I guess.   I was exhausted tonight so when I laid down with Sean and Danielle just before 9, I went out like a light.   I woke up when Tom came into bed and then fell asleep again.   Finally I woke up for good, or so I thought.  Then I came out into the living room with kids still up and doing things.   I looked at the clock to check the time before I started yelling at them for staying up so late only to was 11:30!!!   Are you kidding me!  I thought it was like 3am.   Now most normal people would think......oh yeah!  Tons of time I didn't know I had! I can get some things done.  Not me, I've been sitting on the couch engrossed in Criminal Minds and Without a Trace shows for the last 4 hours.

Taking Danielle to McDonald's was fun.  She was surprised to discover that I didn't have Sean with me when I picked her up.   She thought we'd gone over to Della's and were getting her up "on the way home".   Well I canceled on account of not having propane, lack of a shower or clean clothes.   I love having one on one time with my kids!   Her mouth didn't stop for a second.  I heard all about playing with Charlotte and Charlotte's friend on the playground.  Do you know Charlotte's friend is named Abigail.  Isn't it amazing..... she has a best friend with the same name as her sister.  Apparently Danielle thinks so.   I was only going to get a hot fudge sundae for myself but decided at the last minute to order a happy meal to bring home to Sean.   The poor kid,  I think he's only had them a few times.   I told the big kids...I used to buy them for you all the time when they had good prizes like mini barbies,  madame alexander dolls, and such.   Of course back then they were only $2.  Since when did they resize the fries in the happy meals!?!?!  They used to get a small/value fry, now they're some rinky dinky cardboard container that mimics  the large fry one.   For Danielle the fries are the best part (since she doesn't like hamburgers which was news to me).   Anyways, we talked, ate and got home in time to pass her bus a few doors down from our house.

So today is my 47th birthday..    I've already declared that there's no such thing as calories today after snacking on a bowl of homemade kettle corn (with brown sugar and real butter.......yum!) and some microwaved pepperoni's.   Then I wonder why my scale says the numbers that it does.   Della gave me some resistance bands to use to get in shape. (along with a shirt and a box of chocolate bars!)  It's the best thing since the main feature that bothers me about myself is how large my arms are.  What was once chiseled muscle is now flapping flab.   Problem is, I have to USE the bands to see any benefit from them. *grumble grumble*.   Carrie already gave me a card she made me and huge hugs and kisses.  I told Sean all I wanted for my birthday was hugs and kisses all day.  He wasn't really gungho on the idea for some reason.     I told Val I'd take a facial and my eyebrows waxed if she felt like it.  My guess is going to be she doesn't feel like it.  Liz already gave me my present.  She switched days with someone so she'd have this day off and I wouldn't have to drive her.   Of course she had ulterior motives for doing it in the first place but that's ok, I'll take it anyways.   And now I get to enjoy a few hours of total peace and quiet in here.  It's almost to the point that I hate to waste it by going to bed but my eyes are saying I should.   Besides, who wants to feel like they need to go to bed by 8pm on their birthday!   So I guess I'll try to get some more sleep.   If I'm unsuccessful, I may be back to ramble some more..   Night


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

What a way to start the day

Or actually it might be more appropriate to say what a way to end the day since it started last night.  I went to make dinner (stroganoff) and discovered......WE WERE OUT OF PROPANE!   Great!  There was no reason for it to be, we were paid in full!   So now  I had a house full of hungry people, a sink full of dishes, laundry to do, showers that need to be taken and none of it could happen!    Luckily I had purchased a few packages of Old El Paso Tortilla Stuffers at the dollar store, so we microwaved those. (we had the steak and 2 chicken varieties) They aren't too bad, especially with some added cheese (doesn't cheese make everything better?).  But now I have to deal with a kitchen full of dishes.

This morning I was awake around 3ish.  Instead of getting up I made myself try to go back to sleep so dozed on and off until 5.  Then I had a stupid dream.  Someone seriously offended me in my dream and I started going off on them.  Thing is I woke up in the middle of my rant and it continued in my head while I laid there.   It totally threw me for a loop and I started bawling like a baby.   I had NO idea those thoughts were rolling around in my head and I was shocked at how easily it was coming forward.  WOW!   I knew I had a lot of things to work on spiritually but geesh!  And now to add on fighting down and out discouragement.    Maybe I'll just go back to bed with the other kids who REFUSED to get up for school this morning.  I'm about to plant some dynamite in some mattresses.   This routine is getting very old, very fast.

All done sending the kids to school.  Only Olivia remains, Jake went in late with Danielle.   Olivia's been having a really hard time getting up every morning.   I don't know if they aren't going to bed at a reasonable hour or not.  With her  I worry it's another huge bout of depression rearing it's ugly head.   UGH!   Why do they have to grow up?   Why can't I just hug the hurt out of them?   Or kiss it and make it better?  

Oops!  I got to puttering and forgot I was writing.    The gas man came so I decided to try to flush out the hot water tank before we turned it back on.  Not sure how well I did it, but I did manage to get some crud out.   Now there's a huge tote of water I have to deal with before I can get to the pilot light of the tank, so no hot water yet.  Then I came upstairs and started going through my fabric.  I decided that I'll probably never use it (even though I LOOOOOVE a good bit of it) so I'll try to sell it at the garage sale on Saturday.   I also have a ton  of other craft supplies, books and leaflets.  So I've been examining, measuring and folding fabric for most of the late morning, but it's done.   My thinking is if it doesn't sell this weekend I can list it on ebay or etsy, especially the vintage stuff from my grandmother.   And I could probably get a good bit more for it then I'm asking now (especially on etsy).  Funny thing though, I kept hearing my girls say....I'd like a summer dress in that!   Oh that's pretty.  One of the reason why I never used these fabrics way back then  is that my girls refused to wear anything I made with them.   lol

Even though today is my day off (Val and Liz both have today off) I'm still watching the clock.   Danielle was awarded a coupon for a free happy meal this month.  It's part of the Parents As Reading Partners program.   We send in a slip that she's read so many minutes for the week and they give her a prize.    Well her coupon is burning a hole in her pocket and she's begging me every day to redeem it.   It's in a village that's not in the direction I usually drive the girls.  So I'm picking her up from school today and we're going in to use it.   As a test to see just how much I care what people think of me, Danielle told me....I told the teacher we haven't really been reading.  WHAT!?!?!!   I told her, yes it's true I haven't been reading you the 4 books before bed lately, but we read during the day don't we?   Yes.  Do the other kids read to you? Yes.   Do we play games with words to see if you can rhyme them, spell them or figure out the beginning sound?   Yes.   Then you are reading!!!!!   Seems she was suppose to color in a star for each day she read and I forgot to have her do it the first two that's why she said it.  UGH!  Oh well, add another gold star to my "mother who cares.....NOT" award the school will be giving me soon.  

Well I guess I can do laundry without hot water, so I'll get off my duff and throw some in before I go out the door.   Have a good one.

Monday, March 26, 2012

God is Amazing!

So on Saturday I was emotionally at my end and exhausted.   Feeling like I couldn't handle a simple social function like a birthday party.   WRONG!!!   On the way home from the small city yesterday morning God had me turn the car around and offer an elderly lady walking down the road and struggling with her packages a ride.    (which I normally wouldn't ever considered) Thing is, the elderly lady wasn't elderly and was someone I knew!   I can't really share too many details since she has a right to her privacy.   Let's just say I knew she was a loooong way from home and shouldn't have been where she was and doing what she was doing.   This led to 10 hours of out of my element experiences and an emotionally exhausting day in my already busy day.

I learned that life is relative.  That while I think life is hard and I'm at my limit...I have NO clue.  I dealt with difficult issues yesterday, ones that people I know and are close to have to deal with every single day....scary, scary stuff.   I went places, called people (I HATE making phone calls), and talked to people without a second thought that normally would've made me want to roll into a ball and cry.   When I thought my life couldn't get any busier and crazier.....I discovered it can and I will survive it.  Not only did I survive, I came to a better place in my life because of it.    I'm not saying all my baggage from Saturday is gone, far from it..   But it's easier to bear today.

Someone I was talking to joked......."and we didn't have enough things to do today".   I said you're not kidding!  But God had me turn around and pick her up for a reason.   I'm not entirely clear on what that reason was but it was definitely for a reason.    As of right now I'm still not sure what became of all  the goings on of yesterday.    Maybe I never will.   But I learned a lot.

Saturday, March 24, 2012


Seems I've been writing about this a lot lately.   This morning it actually smothered me into a crying fit.   Well a harried and stressful drive didn't help, but still it's got me physically.  I'm working on not letting it and everything else that comes with it (depression, anxiety, etc) get to me but today..........EPIC FAIL!   It's been a hard week.  Tom's been on call and hasn't been able to help with any of the driving. To top it off the girls both worked mega hours and there wasn't a lot of coordination of schedules.   Amazingly God's hand is at work though.  Another huge work week for both of them but every day there's some overlap with their schedules so my trips are reduced.  Val's only day off happens to be a day Liz has off and they are both working the same hours on Tuesday which has never happened (meaning I only drive in twice that day!).  The hard day is going to be Monday because Luke has a dr appt in the big city for worker's comp 2.5 hrs before Val needs to be at work. As long as they are expeditious at the appt, I'll be ok. But a big delay and I'm in deep doodoo.   I guess I could leave him there and ask my parents' to pick him up when he's done, or he can walk to their house since   it's only about 4 or 5  miles.  Only problem with that is then I'll have to take another trip to the big city that day.   It would be nice if Tom could pick him up after work, but only county workers are allowed in their vehicles.

I'm suppose to be attending a surprise birthday party for a friend from church tonight.   I leaning toward not going.  Right now I don't feel like I could go physically, which has never happened to me.  Be so overcome that  it prevents me from having fun.   I know people would say....all the more reason to get encouragement and support.  I feel like if one person says hi to me, I'll break down, not really birthday party material IMO.  I also would really like to be able to stay home with Tom (if he doesn't get called out) and the kids since I would be the only one going to the party.

Tomorrow is a lacrosse game at the Dome and the church is working it.  I was hoping not to sign up but they're 2 people short and asked and I've been debating it.  This morning I decided there was no way I could do it.  Then I realized that Tom's on call and might not be here to take the girls to and from work tomorrow afternoon,  so I have to be here.  I MIGHT be able to coordinate drop offs and pick ups with someone else, although I'm not sure who.  Thing is my brain won't let me have the brain power to work on that, so I'm declining.  Now if I could just get Luke to feel some sense of obligation and volunteer to take a spot, I'd be good.

Yesterday morning I woke Danielle up for school.   She took one look at me, wrapped her arms around my neck and said.... MOMMY! I hardly seen you last night!   Words to bruise a mommy's heart.   I was so tempted to not send her to school but she's missed a lot lately so we cuddled for a little bit and I sent her on her way.  I can't wait for spring break!!!!!  

OOPS!  I lost it again..   Tom was bitching about the cat getting into the trash which tends to be one of his weekly trash day rants.  It was bothering me to hear it and I asked him to stop.  He got irritated a more about that and bitched some more.  I yelled STOP and then locked myself in my room to have a good cry.  The poor kids (especially Olivia), I'm glad my niece just called and invited her over to spend the night.  I really hope this is a PMS thing.   I'm due for my period to start around my birthday (the 29th) so the timing looks right.  Because if it's not......    

Friday, March 23, 2012

So today I had some time to kill

Liz went into work at 5 and Val got out at 6:30.  To save some gas and time I decided to stick around the city between those times.    I had kids begging me to go and if I was a good mom I'd have let a few come and talk my ear off.   Or taken them for a walk along the nature trail at the community college.  But I wasn't and didn't.  I said sorry, I'm being selfish and going alone.  Then I grabbed some crochet things and out the door we went.   Now the question was where do I go to kill the time?   The final decision....the Rite Aid parking lot!   There was tons of shade on the east side of the building so I parked there with all the windows down, enjoying the breeze.  It also helped that I remembered I had a $2 coupon toward anything.  I ran in, picked up a jug of dish detergent, a buy one get one free Arizon Iced Tea  deal (the sweet tea is stupid!  basically just sugar water with a tea bag swished through it) and a buy one get one free candy deal.  What did I choose?   Heath bar and a cherry sparkling Laffy Taffy...yeah I mature.   At least Val really appreciated my second iced tea.

MAN!  What is wrong with people nowadays!?!  I can't tell you how many times I heard the F word while sitting in the parking lot.    I was about to break out the bottle of dish soap and administer it.   Has everyone lost all adjectives except that word?  I swear EVERY car that pulled up on both sides of me had it being thrown around.  And the cigarette smoke.  I don't want to be one of those ex smokers that's intolerant of  present day smokers but....ICK!   It was stuck in my nose and I couldn't get it out.  It felt like what I was crocheting  was going to smell it was so bad.    It made me VERY glad we have a no smoking in the house rule.   Before Carrie had cancer it was how I smelled all the time.   (when the no smoking rule was enacted).   I can't get over the amount of beer I saw going out of that place....and it's only Thursday!   One would think it was Saturday evening.  I won't even talk about the amount of missing teeth.  But  I did see a pretty sweet mullet and it was on a pretty young guy.   Are they coming back?   Oh I can only hope.

Tom's on call this week and his phone just went off.  Guess he's going to have to head into work.  He started bugging me about being up at this hour.  I assured him I'd slept from 10 until 2.   He's always on my case about how I don't get enough sleep.   Then again, he'd sleep 20 hours a day if he could.  I guess he's not the only one with that opinion though since Sean casually mentioned the other come you never sleep?

Oh weird night.  Tom headed out the door and two of my kids ended up waking up and coming out.  One went to back to bed shortly after getting up.  The other asked to use this computer and then started talking.  Talking about things that haven't been talked about in years.  Things that I've always wondered about.  And the best thing....they told me they loved me and appreciated everything I've done.   Words that make a mom's sacrifice totally worth it.

I think I'll end this on that note.  


Thursday, March 22, 2012

I should be doing something else

but here I sit.   Well, not entirely true...I just made myself get up and throw in laundry so as to not be wasting time while I sit here.  Plus I dug up some things on my laundry room floor.  ACHOOO!    Allergy time is starting up with this nice weather.   The trees are budding, my lilacs are actually leafing out, just hope snow and frost don't come to kill the early bloomers.   I'd be perfectly happy if we were done with snow (after all, it is spring now) but I live in Central NY and there's no hope of that happening.  So I'll just enjoy it while I can.

I need to get my camera, batteries, charger and memory card together and start using them more.  This place is BORING without pictures.  Besides, my kids are so cute it's a same not to share them.    Now my house....that's to be hidden from anyone's view for eternity.  Who knows though, I may figure out how to stop being a messer and get my house in order when the nest is empty.

I've already driven Val to work and don't need to head back in until 4:30.   5 hrs uninterrupted....what to do!   Part of me wants to take off and not deal with this place, part of me wants to stay here and ignore it and crochet all day, the other part of me wants to get it in order so I don't have to consider option 1 or 2 regularly.    So why am I here?   Because I feel like I need it.  I need to do something for me.  My head is full of stuff needed to be done for everyone else.  And to tell you the truth, it makes writing here a bit hard.  I feel like everything I write are random half thoughts.   ARGH!   Yes, I'll finally admit, I'm feeling a bit stressed.  It doesn't happen very often but I'm seriously battling with not biting anyone's head off for no reason or just totally shutting down.    This is not a pretty place to be and I've been asking for God's help a lot lately (which is what I should be doing all along anyways).

There is reprieve on the horizon and I'm feeling mixed about  that too.  Liz is talking about moving out in the next few months.  Her and her boyfriend have an opportunity to share a nice apartment in the big city with one of their friends.   While I want to say...WAIT until you're married!!!  From past experience I know it'll fall on deaf ears.  The good thing about it,  it's on the bus line and within walking/biking distance to a lot of job opportunities for her.  That means it's not so important that she learns to drive immediately.  She's still trying to buy a car that she can use to learn on though.   My main request to her....don't get a job in that area until you're already living there.  There is no way I could drive in two different directions all the time.   So she'll have to save up so she can float a few months of her share of the rent while she transitions between jobs.

If I had my camera set up I could show you pictures of things I'm making for the garage sale/craft show.  Right now they are a bunch of half done things but it shouldn't take too long to finish each one up (famous last words...I KNOW!)  I'm make blanket buddies which are little blankets turned on end (diamond shape) with a head at the top.  So far I've made a bunny and a pig with a bear on my hook right now.  I'm also trying to get an owl hat done like the one I made for Olivia.  Problem is I'm not sure what size it'll fit nor how long to make it.   Next on the list are a few different keychain ideas I have.  I don't think afghans and baby blankets will sell well at this thing since it's being advertized more as a garage sale then a craft show.   So I'm trying to do a bunch of low ticket items that people might want to buy for Easter presents or baskets.  

And on that note....I'm getting off here and getting something else done.  Maybe next time I get on I can find the time to share some newer pictures of the kids and pretty up this place a bit.   

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I can't win

I have a paragraph in a draft from  Saturday that talked about feeling guilty because I was gone from the kids all day that day.   I left the house at 8am and got home about 7ish.   Thing is, I got some important things done that day.   There are a few wrenches in the monkey pile (or wenches in the monkey file as Tom thought I said...and yes, I know that isn't how the saying goes) but we have time to iron them out.  Actually I've already ironed them out in my to convince certain people that I'm right. lol     Today...I was going to post about how I got to stay home all day besides driving to Carrie to school.   And what was I going to post....that I felt guilty because I didn't get enough done around here.   Pfftttt!

I loved being home and puttering all day.  Problem is that I made just as many messes as I cleaned up.  I did some crocheting for the sale at the end of the month.  I tore apart the coat closet, cleared and cleaned the shoe cubbies.   I didn't finish it though and have a huge pile here that needs to be sorted.    I'd gotten into the habit of throwing the shoes that were too small away.  Easy Peasy.  My kids tend to only have a few pairs of shoes and wear them out pretty well anyways.  Plus it's the one area I'm a bit squeamish about using second hand and handing down.  I have some kids who have pretty funky foot patterns.  This time though I ended up with a few pairs that Danielle doesn't like wearing or hardly wore (like for the wedding she was the flower girl in).  So I'm saving them for the sale table at the end of the month, which means....another pile to deal with.  I need to get a box to throw things in for the next 10 days.  Funny thing...Sean found out I was selling all the shoes that are too small for him.  Now he's trying to put all his shoes in the sell pile.    This sale coming up makes me want to go through the whole house but my body won't cooperate.   It's been pretty summer like here this week.  For some reason my feet don't like it, and have been threatening to explode with water retention.   This makes it hard for me to move around, although it's the best thing for it.  Tom said something about how slow I was moving the other day and I wanted to cry.  Normally I'd have a big huge pregnant belly to blame, what's my excuse now?

We're in a bit of a pickle right now.  Carrie is suppose to take her GED test next week and we just found out she's suppose to have gov't issued ID to get in.  We seem to have misplaced her birth certificate after a trip up north to Fort Drum to visit friends, and any ID she can get can take 2 wks to arrive in the mail.    Tom took half a day off today and is in the big city getting her birth certificate as I type this.  Carrie called me in the meantime to let  me know that they'll accept  a police issued ID and you get it when it's made.  So looks like we'll be doing that tomorrow morning.  UGH stuff like this is what makes taking care of so many kids so exhausting.   Above was written this morning, now it's almost tomorrow.  Looks like Carrie will be waiting a month to take her test so she can get her ID (test is only given once a month).  I think she's a little relieved and admits she felt a bit rushed.   More practice can't hurt.

Annnnnnd now it's the middle of the afternoon the next day.  Geesh!   So much for just posting when I have to get off.   Today was suppose to be a nice coordinated reduced trip day.  Then Liz got her hours switched, allowing her more hours, so I'll end up taking the 4 trips a day today.   Having Tom home for the afternoon (after getting Carrie's birth certificate) was nice.  Him and Sean had a blast hanging out together out back.   Tom even shared his secret stash of lemonade and peanuts with him...LUCKY DUCK!   It's neat to see Tom's relationships with the younger kids change and especially with Meghan.  It's like he has the time to enjoy them now.   Although he's not working any less.  Maybe he's just learned that it's fun to be involved with them more.  I don't know.  All I know is that Sean is a lucky boy to be born last when it's come to Tom.  

Sean loves to write and draw and it's driving me cRaZy!   He is writing on everything....the xbox drums, the walls, the groceries, his body.  He feels the need to mark everything.  It's almost impossible to put up all the writing utensils around here and I don't really want to.   I know it's a phase, I just wish he'd hurry up and get over it.   In the mean time I'll keep reminding him....paper only and get the magic eraser out.   At least he's old enough now to help clean up his mess. :o)

It's almost time to run back out to the city (she types while yelling....HEY!  NOT THE WALL!!!   GET PAPER!....told ya)   At least today I remembered to take something out for dinner.  Do you think it'll hop itself into the oven?  Or better yet, go start some charcoal and climb aboard?   I didn't think so.    /kicks at some stones and grumbles...Why do I have to do all the work?  I don't want to be the mom today!



Friday, March 16, 2012

This is my life

So much for sleeping in.  Sean's eyes opened almost as soon as mine did.   Whether I would've gone back to sleep or not this morning...oh well...sleeping is highly overrated.   I was dreaming I was blogging so it was the first thing that I thought of when my eyes opened.   I was feeling a bit off because my posts seem to be so disjointed and just end.   Then I realized...but that's my life right now...little segments...impulses.   So I've given my permission to post posts without a clear cut beginning, middle, and especially an end.  It's why I blogged so little in the last months.  I kept holding to...there's no ending...I can't post it.  So I have a bazillion drafts saved up.  Or I wouldn't even start one because I didn't have enough time to get it all done in one sitting.  So no more, I'm ramble and blather like I do in real life, it may be quick because I only have a few minutes or it may just end because I've realized I needed to run out the door.  Or I sat on the couch for a second and fell asleep.   The important thing is that I'm getting it down.   I've missed not being able to go back over the last few months and a rereading about what went on here.    I'm blogging for myself, not for an english teacher.  

Thia!  I just want to say HI and THANK YOU!  I wouldn't know you if I literally ran into you on the street but it was an awesome feeling to see that I had comments from you.   It made me all warm and fuzzy and it still brings a smile to my face to think of it.    People in my real life thought it was weird when  I'd talk about my online friends,  like I was living in an imaginary world or was trying to escape reality. But you know guys are real darn it!   Looking back on all the years of posts and thinking of all the years posting on community boards, all the support I've gotten when things were rough and  the celebrating when things were going well.   My online friends are an important part of my REAL life!

So what should I do today?   It's raining right now so I don't have the pull of the great outdoors to lure me.  Our van isn't fixed yet so I couldn't take everyone somewhere even if I didn't have to run to the city four times today.   I can't get into any huge projects because of the aforementioned running.   I guess I could and should go grocery shopping while I'm in the city since it's payday and "there's nothing to eat!" here. .  Right now that doesn't sound like too much fun.   Hmmm how long can I drag out bill paying  and meal planning this morning?  Maybe meal planning will motivate me to go shopping.  I'm thinking it's time to start my annual...all I want for my birthday is a clean house campaign.    But if I'm not here to crack the whip then hands tend to stop working around here....including MINE! lol  

Meal planning....with three of us going to the doctors and stepping on the scale yesterday it's come to my main attention.   I'm back up into my higher weight range.  At my dr's appt on the 1st I had gained back 6 of the 13 pounds that I'd lost.  Yesterday I gain 3 more since the 1st.  BOOOO!   I felt bad for Jake since the nurse practically yelled out what he weighed.   Thing is...I was right!  He's lost weight.  And then Eileen sat there and said...I'm fat before anyone's weight was taken.  The nurse didn't utter a word aloud about her weight.   I wish she was as thoughtful for Jake.  I asked Eileen how it was.  She told me what she weighed and then said....I've gained a lot of weight recently.   I know how you feel sweetie.    Now to help her do things the healthy way without making it into an unhealthy thought.   DARN YOU SOCIETY!

OK enough rambling...everything is yelling at me to pay attention to them.  Who can yell the loudest...bills?  groceries?  dishes? the floors?  laundry?  the little kids room you can't walk in?

What is this place...

you call home?   I do not like days like today!  Days when driving is all I do.   I left here this morning at 10:25am, took Val to work, went to my dr visit, dropped Carrie off at her school, went back home, pulled into the driveway and honked for Jake to come out, went to school and picked up Eileen,  took  Jake and Eileen to the dr, went to Wegman's to grab bread, milk, and Jake's prescription (forgot dish detergent), drove back home, got OUT of car, said hi to the kids, kicked off shoes and jumped into bed for a nap (had been up since 3am), got woken up 30mins later, back into car to take Liz to work, ran into RiteAid and grabbed a bottle of dish soap, drove home, started to make dinner before we realized the kids were late for a soccer game, grabbed keys and back out the door and headed to church, back home and puttered for an hour...decided we could have leftovers for dinner and the kids would cook hotdogs over a fire out back with Tom,  ran back out and picked up kids from soccer (got eaten by mosquitoes already!), back home, heated up a bowl of chili and called my sister, lost track of time then realized it was 15mins AFTER Val got off of work, hung up the phone, grabbed my  keys and ran out the door again, picked up Val and Liz from work and finally  back home for the rest of the evening (9:43pm).

I tried to get Jake, Eileen and Danielle into the doctor's today but they didn't have any appointments.  I asked if Eileen could at least get in and get a throat culture done since that was her complaint.  I also begged them to please find room for at least Jake.  He was up all night with the right side of his face hurting.   When the nurse said something about not knowing what to do I suggested that the dr could save us all some work and just believe me when I say he has a sinus infection and call him in a prescription.  It didn't fly and she crammed both of them into the books.   I told her I wasn't too concerned about Danielle just yet and she could wait a day or two.  She's had a cough all week and woke up with a 102+ fever Wednesday morning.   Luckily it's gotten to be a lot lower on it's own by now and the cough hasn't gotten worse.   I just hope they're all feeling better on Sunday since we're having a party for Activity Club at the gym Olivia had her birthday party at last year.

Carrie redid the writing part of her predictor test.  Seems her teacher had told her they'd review that part but never did it before she tested.  She wasn't sure how to do that part of the test so only wrote a paragraph for the first attempt.  It appears she was suppose to write quite a bit more.   The second time she did ok on and is now cleared to take the real GED test.   After looking at the state site I think the test is scheduled for March 27th and 28th.   That means technically she could be done with school by my birthday!

NO SCHOOL tomorrow!!!   Woohoo!  And Val doesn't need to be to work until 12:30 so I can sleep in! Welll, if Sean lets me.   He tends to be an early riser.   Olivia started making cookies just as I was running out the door tonight.   When we walked in the door we found a HUGE cookie sitting on a piece of parchment on the kitchen table.  I walked by and pinched a tiny taste off it.  The kids couldn't help but start laughing, and the face I made had them rolling on the floor. ICK!!!   It seems Olivia mistakenly added 1/2 cup of salt instead of half a teaspoon.   I guess she didn't think anything of it since we'd used more then that to make the salt dough for her Egypt project.   Unfortunately she used all the chocolate chips we had in the house on that batch.   Luke threw together some peanut butter cookies instead.   What I want to know is...WHY won't anyone make banana bread like I keep asking them to.  The bananas will be at  the point of no return soon.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

* YAWN *

I can't stop.  I have no idea why I'm so exhausted today, I went to bed by 11 last night.   My eyes don't want to stay open which is not a good thing when you have to drive in about an hour....Carrie is going to school, Val is going to work.  Liz has today off so I'll only need to drive to the city twice.   Jake and Danielle are home again today.   I think Jake is dealing with sinus stuff which he's never really had before.  Danielle sounds croupy and woke up with a 102.1 fever.   YAYME!  Actually I can't complain, she's pretty self sufficient even with feeling yucky...a little needier in the mom department but that's ok, I'm always up for sitting and snuggling.

It looks like Carrie will have her GED by the end of the month.  She's finishing up the practice test today.  If she passes then she can sit in on the real test when it's given in March (not sure of the date) I was pretty sure that it wouldn't take her long to be test ready but makes all those years in high school she was suppose to do seem a bit of a waste.  Especially when I've got kids who really don't want to go to school when it's so nice out.   Olivia had a hard time going out the door this morning, saying something like...they shouldn't have school when it's so nice out.  lol  I was waiting for her to start asking for me to homeschool her.   I think she'd be the first in line if I started.   This time of the year is so hard for her.  She misses her Uncle Billy so much.   They were best buddies and spent all her free time together.   I've noticed lately she's gotten a lot more quieter.   When I've taken her on car rides with me she's been really hard to keep in conversation.    But insists she's ok and she will too since she's more worried about making things harder for Tom and I.  It's frustrating...I'm almost have to yell/punish her to make her think of  herself first. It also scares the snot out of me because someone like that could really get taken advantage of as an adult.   Although I know they also make some extraordinary people who just want to serve others.

It's hard to concentrate.  Between wanting to go back to bed and having Liz behind me with the music blasting while she does her workout, my brain is pretty backlogged.   So Tom and I have been having unofficial dates lately.   He grabs his coffee and jumps in the car when I head into the city to pick up the girls from school....30 minutes of uninterrupted talk time.  YUM!  I have to laugh though because while I'm enjoying the time we're together, I'm also wishing and thinking we should have a whole weekend.  It won't be happening anytime soon but it's nice to dream about.   Maybe for our anniversary in June (29yrs!)     Monday was my day off.  Both girls had the day off work, I only needed to drive Carrie to school at 11.  So what did I do?  Stay home?  Get housework done?  Nope, I took Sean and we went into the big city for the day.   First I got together with my sister Tracy and brother Brian (there's only the 3 of us) to talk about our parents' 50th wedding anniversary on June 9th.  I can't share too much here since I know my mom reads...HI MOM!  I LOVE YOU!   Let's just say it was an interesting time, especially since Brian and I tend to butt heads something fierce.   The funny thing is the next day Tracy and I came over to Brian's line of thinking.  I called to let him know only to find out,  he had decided we had the better idea!  LOL  So we're still at a divide but a bit closer to coming to a final conclusion.    After Brian went to work I loaded up Sean and my niece Sam (she's a few weeks younger then Sean) and headed to my mom's and dad's.   The plan was for Sam to spend the night...she didn't make it. lol   Brian had to pick her up after he got out of work.    It was so hard for Sean to leave my parents' place.  He wanted to stay the night too.   It wasn't going to happen, especially with Sam, the two of them tend to bicker a lot.  

Oops!   Time to head out the door...Be Back Later

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I'm beat

Between the time change and the after effects of working the dome........I am totally exhausted.   Driving Liz to work proved difficult, actually driving home from driving her to work was what was difficult.  All I wanted to do was put my head back, relax and find lala land.   I came home and jumped into bed for about 30mins.  But first Olivia and I stopped at the mall and spent her Aeropostale gift card she received from my niece and her family.  MAN that place is expensive!  I hate going in there.   She managed to find a tshirt for $5 and a plaid hoodie for $20.  It only took 1.5 trips around the store.  I couldn't leave the mall without wandering into JoAnn's Fabric.   I finally figured out which yarns I want to use for my niece's twins but not sure of the colorways.   And I still don't know, seems our store doesn't carry this yarn although I've seen it on the website. Grrrr!   I wanted to look at it in person and actually feel it!  It's a little more costlier then I normally use and I don't want to end up with yarn I'm not totally tickled with.   Oh well, I can't really buy it right now anyways and I have the garage sale/craft fair to get ready for before I can do them.

I hate not having a specific game plan for this thing.   To be able to say......I want to make X number of hats, blankets, headbands,   etc made.   I did end up organizing most of my yarn at the end of island week, so that should make planning and figuring easier.   Now to just get my fingers working..  

OMGoodness!  It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside today.  It made it hard to sit inside for a transmission at church. But we managed to sit outside for a bit after lunch.  I got to hold and talk to one of twins, Sebastian.  WHAT A CUTIE!   I didn't want to give him up but unfortunately I had to.   It is so awesome to have so many babies around again.  My hands itch the whole time I'm sitting in a meeting, just wanting to have them filled with baby bootie.   It's going to be in the 60's all week....I'm so psyched.   I know we had a mild winter but I'm so ready to see some green around here.  While waiting for the bus last week Danielle and I noticed some of the trees across the street are looking a bit reddish with buds and the Canada geese are flying back north!  More and more I understand why people become snow birds and travel south for the winter.   If it weren't for family, I think I'd like to live a bit more south....say central PA.   I'd still want the changing of the seasons and snow but just not as much as we normally have here.  

Well the sun is starting to set and it's getting chilly outside fast.  The kids are back in the house and are jumping in the shower for the evening.   Tom has a pot of beef soup/stew on the stove and we're getting ready to eat.   So I should pop off here and stop ignoring everything and everyone.  

Friday, March 09, 2012

It's quiet here

I've been up for an hour now and my coffee is almost gone and cold.  Tom just got up to get ready for work.  Poor thing, I can't wait until he can retire!   Which leads me back to what's been on my mind lately.....What am I going to do come September?   Once Sean is in school and I'm home alone (and assuming I'm not driving anyone anymore) what am I to do.   What I WANT to do is bad so sad, leave me alone to putter here as I please.  I don't want to grow up!!!   The responsible thing to do is to either get a job and/or go back to school and start working toward a career.   Working would get us ahead faster so that Tom can retire sooner.....and I want that.   Going to school would be stimulating and let me earn more once I did get a job.  It also seems nearly impossible with  all the other stuff floating around in my head.  Can I really cram one more fact into it?   It's getting to the point that I have to make a decision so I can apply for scholarships and funding.   (most applications need to be in by may).   Someone tell me what to do and then do it for me please!

A bit of good news... I passed my stress test!  Woohoo!  For a while there I thought it might not go well.  So much so that I refused to have the test on the 6th like they originally were going to schedule me for.  I just couldn't bear the thought of Olivia having to deal with one more bad thing happening on her birthday if I failed the test or was admitted to the hospital.  I'm not sure if I'm in better shape then the last time  I had this done (2002) or if the test wasn't as strenuous as my first test but it was a piece of cake.   I'd like to think I'm in better shape.   Now to get healthier so I don't have to think there's a reason to schedule a stress test, much less think I'm going to fail it.

At the end of the month there is a garage/craft sale at  the local rec center.  I learned about it in January and thought it would be neat to make some things to sell for it.  Allison said she'd make some things for it if she could, Michelle and Val got excited at the idea and said they'd sell some things there, so I reserved a space for 2 tables any size for $15.   I've had 2 months to get things made...guess how much I have done for it.....NOTHING!   Although I don't think I'll have too much to sell from around the house I guess it'd be a good reason to clean and declutter around here.  I've told Luke if he wants to sell any video games he's welcome to.   I still want to make a few things, mostly small trinkets.  I figure it's close to Easter and people might be willing to shell out money for low ticket things to put in baskets.   The drawbacks to doing this is that it's the first one ever and it's only open from 8 until noon.   I'd hate to do all the work and not even make my table money back.   I keep's only $15, if I don't do biggie.  But I can't think like that!

I'm thinking if I get back into blogging regularly again that I should just condense my food and craft blog into here.  After all, it's just another part of my life.   So don't be surprised if I talk about crocheting or cooking a bit ontop of all the other stuff flying off my brain.    Unfortunately crocheting wise everything I've started...I've undone.  Nothing seems to be to my liking.  Hopefully I can get some color combos going that seem to be ok to me.  

And now the first trip kids are almost out the door and I want to talk to them before they leave.  So posting now!

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Rough few days

And I totally feel guilty over having a hard time of things.   It's BIRTHDAY WEEK!   It's suppose to be a fun time for all. Olivia's birthday was SOOOO hard to get through and the guilt of wanting to just give up and give in to my emotions was nearly choking me.   All I wanted to do was climb in bed and have a good cry.   It's the first time we had a normal (meaning boring) birthday party for her since Billy's death.  Two years ago we went away to a hotel, last year we rented a gym and had a gymnastic party.   Olivia seemed to be doing well all day.   I picked her, Eileen and Danielle up from school at 12:30 and we hung out together for the day.  Drew, Allison and Meghan came over for dinner since we were having Walmart fried chicken (Olivia's request) which we haven't had in a loooong time.  YUM!   Tonight Olivia seemed a bit depressed.  She rode with me to take Liz to work and wasn't her normal chatty self on the way home.   Luckily she was heading to my SIL's house to celebrate with her cousin who's 22nd birthday is the 12th.  Those girls are so awesome with my younger girls,  I don't know what I'd do without them.      I think I kind of shut down these last few days.  Done what I had to do to get through the day (like send the kids to school or make dinner) but anything other than that...nope.     Val's birthday is tomorrow (she'll be 22) and she's requested steak for dinner.  I stopped at BJ's today and bought a roast...if she insists on steaks, I'll cut it up.   I'm hoping she'll be ok with a whole roast though.

Carrie's first few days of the GED program have been going well.   She did her testing the first two days and got the results yesterday.  Math she's a 8.2 out of no tutoring needed there.  For reading she's 7 something out of 9, so she needs a bit of work before she can take the test.   They are having her work her way through a workbook.  When she's done with that they'll have her take a practice GED test to see how she scores.  If she passes that test, then it's onto the real thing!  I don't think it'll take her long at all.   It's good to see her excited when talking about school.

After picking up Liz from work tonight I am on vacation for a few days.   Val and Liz both have Friday and Saturday off!  Woohoo!   Unfortunately I won't be home on Saturday to enjoy the vacation since I'm working at the dome all day for Monster Jam.  But it's nice to know that Tom won't have to worry about driving anyone while I'm gone either.   I want to relax all day tomorrow but this house is screaming at me to get something done!

Speaking of picking up Liz, it's that time.   If I don't post this now, it'll never get posted.  So finished or not, it's getting posted.  Hopefully I'll be back later to post more.

Monday, March 05, 2012

Front row, left to right... Olivia, Liz, Val, Eileen, Carrie and Jake
Back row...... Pat holding Sean, Drew holding Danielle, Luke and Michelle

Just realized I should probably share a semi updated photo of the kids (minus wives and others). This was taken this fall while we were all out apple picking together.

Oh wow! I just realized I never mentioned the kids who aren't living at home.

Drew is starting his 2nd week of being unemployed. The company he worked for is no more. His not sure what he's going to do now. I've told them they could move in here with us if they want/need to. I'd love to have Meghan under foot all the time. She's 1.5yo now and lots of fun. Allison and her spent all week with us last week for ISLAND WEEK! I'll have to post about that in a different post.

Pat and Alex are working their fannies off at the hospital. I think Pat's going to try to get into nursing school this fall. At least that's what I've heard. Now he just needs to get his fanny in gear and do the paperwork! The kid will make a great nurse one day, he's already a pretty good Aide. They got a new puppy Cain to go with Iorek.

Michelle has now been out of the house for a year. It seems like she moved out ages ago. I miss having her fun making self here. She does come by on her days off so she can hang out with Val for the day. As usual it wouldn't have been Island week without her talent and hard work. Her kids (once she has any) are going to have the FUNNEST mom in the whole world! Lucky ducks!

Sunday, March 04, 2012

So my mom asked me...

(Originally started 2/24)
Why aren't you blathering? At first I was confused, then I realized she meant posting here. Can I just say life's happened. As usual I've had tons of intentions of posting, composed posts in my head but to sit down here and write it...hasn't happened, obviously. I was going to get back into the swing of things when the holidays passed, a new year fresh start. Nope, not quite.

So what's going on here right now. Luke is working with/for my nephew...doing construction. He loves it because he's working with his friends and the boss is pretty awesome. :o) Unfortunately he had a little accident in February that put him out of work for a month. He shot a nail into and through the bottom knuckle on his left thumb. He required 3 days of inpatient IV antibiotics, but it has healed quickly and is almost back to normal.

At the end of August Liz started working at a nursing home...doing food service (washing dishes, making up trays of food and meals on wheels lunches, stocking food on all the floors, etc). The only drawback is that it's part-time.

Val started working at the beginning of this month as a manager at a tanning salon. I think it's quite ironic that a licensed aesthetician is running a tanning place. I think at first it was hard for her...seeing all the "sun" damage, but she's good at the job and likes it.

Carrie had her thyroid removed at the beginning of January and has been feeling blah since then. We found out last week or so that her dose of synthroid wasn't cutting it so we've upped it. Unfortunately for her not feeling well for so long meant that she missed school for all but 2 days of January. She tried to go back to school shortly after the surgery and couldn't, then it was...I'll try again tomorrow. In hindsight we probably should've had her tutored for the whole month but technically if things were right, she would've only needed the few days after surgery. Missing so much school almost guarantees that she'll fail for the semester and probably the year. It's been so hard seeing her struggle to keep from drowning. So we've asked that she be enrolled into a GED program through school. We found out today that she's been accepted and should be starting soon. (waiting for the occupational center that runs it to contact us on start date) It's self paced. She'll be tested to find her weakness and then taught toward those weaknesses. When the staff thinks she's ready to pass the test she'll take a practice test. If she passes it then they'll allow her to take the GED test. Once she passes that test, she's completely done with school. She's a very smart girl and I don't think it'll take her long to get through this. She's excited especially with the idea that she could "graduate" on time (when she turns 18) instead of when she's 20 or 21 which is what she was looking at originally.

Unfortunately for me the girls having a job requires me to drive back and for to the small city...most times 4 times a day. (Luke's friend picks him up and drives him) Each round trip is 45 miles long and takes an I'm in the car.... A LOT! (although Tom tries to help with the night and weekend driving when he can) We're hoping to get a car with an automatic transmission that the kids can use to learn to drive within the next few weeks. My goal is to have them all have their license and a car by the start of summer. I DO NOT WANT TO DRIVE THIS SUMMER!!!! The thing that bums me out is that this winter would've been an excellent time to learn to drive. There's been very little snow and what we have had has been manageable driving wise. It would've made for a good winter driving experience.

It's now 9 days (3/4) since I started this, let's see if I can finally finish it!

Carrie has been accepted into the GED program and starts tomorrow afternoon (half day sessions). We're all excited. Last Friday started off Birthday week here with Luke turning 19. Olivia will turn 12 on Tuesday and Val will turn 22 this coming Friday. Luke wasn't home all weekend so we had a small family dinner (meatloaf) with brownie sundaes. I didn't really get him anything...bought him a chocolate bar and a package of sushi he wanted while we were out grocery shopping. I at least one more idea of something to get him. The kid is hard to buy for! Especially now that he has his own money.

The rest of the kids are doing well, going to school, hanging with their friends, playing on the xbox and the computer. Danielle started kindergarten. It was hard to send her because she was the only elementary school kid and was going on the bus alone. Besides Drew, all my other kindergarteners had an older sibling to take them under their wing. But she's doing fine and loves it, she's soaking everything up like a sponge.

That leaves Sean as the only one not in school. He will be going in September for sure. The kid LOVES his numbers, letters and is trying to read. I realized the other night...I'm right where I was 7yrs ago when Olivia was the youngest one and about to start school. Only this round there won't be any new babies to change amything. So the big question lately is.......what will mom do come September? I say cry my eyes out for a bit and then kick back and relax!!!! ;o) Everyone else seems to think I should be employed. humph! It would help to get us ready for Tom to retire when he wants. He's eligible to after July of '13. BUT MAN! Lazy me does NOT want to join the rat race.

Besides driving I've been working at the Syracuse University Dome doing concessions for our church. We work all the home football and basketball games. It's been really busy seeing as the teams are doing well, especially the basketball team (30-1 record! woohoo!) That's coming to end though, the last basketball game was yesterday. Next week we have Monster Jam and then 2 lacrosse games and we're finished until September again. I've been doing a tiny bit of crocheting, but not enough. I'm behind 2 afghans for my niece's twins and we're suppose to be having a table set up at the end of the month for a garage/craft sale. I haven't started ANYTHING for that and keep wondering......WHAT was I thinking?? Housewise, it had been looking pretty good in here but it only takes a blink of an eye for it to fall apart and fall apart it did. I just wish it only took a blink of an eye (or a twitch of my nose) to get it back to where it should be again. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

I did it! Got to a point where I feel comfy calling it done. I promise (and I rarely ever promise anything) to try and get on here more often and maybe even fairly regularly! I've missed writing here, although I do try to do a blog tour of all my old friends on a regular basis. So not totally losing touch, only on my side.......BAD KIM! Good night