2 months

It's hard to believe that Billy has been gone for 2 months now. Some days it feels like forever ago. Other times it's like it happened yesterday. I still find myself acting as though he's here. Expecting him to come in the back door when I hear it. Waiting for him to come in and make his morning coffee. Today we had one of his favorite meals I make... homemade pizza. I had to remind myself a few times that I didn't need to put some aside for him. I think today's extra hard because of a news story from yesterday hitting too close to home. A 17yo committed suicide in his school's gym bathroom. Generally though everyone here seems to be doing as well as expected. Although I worry about Tom...he tends to keep things to himself and that's not good.

I ended up taking Carrie to the dr's on Monday. Xrays showed her elbow is only bruised. My check up was yesterday. He apologized for putting me through the wringer, it wasn't anything I didn't expect. He said I must've studied because I passed the test (EKG) *huge sigh of relief* I had a few episodes of shortness of breath and chest pain that had scared me. I'm on my meds again although they aren't at the dose I was on before. His reasoning is he'd feel better upping it gradually. Fine with me. My diuretic started working immediately and I've been visiting the bathroom quite a bit. I also weigh less then I have in a while...lost 4lbs since yesterday morning. lol I updated my tetanus booster and got the pneumococcal vaccine. Now I take my meds, get fasting blood work in 2wks, and go back to see him in a month. If step in taking better care of myself done. Now to start the other 2...eating well and exercise. I'm hoping to start helping Tom outside more...cutting the grass, putting in the garden, taking care of the chickens.

Tomorrow morning Carrie and I are due at the TODAY study by 10am. She has to be fasting so she can do a 3hr GTT. One of the worse parts of being in this study. It seems cruel to have a known diabetic take the stupid test. I'll bring my meter so I can see what her numbers are doing. I'm leaving Danielle and Sean home since it's an all day appt and it was really hard on them last time. Not to mention mom. It's hard to keep them content in one room for 6hrs.

Sean is loving being able to go outside now. Tom and I were walking the property line with Danielle and Sean yesterday. It was slow going since Sean had to stop to checkout everything. He was digging in the dirt with a stick, having a conversation with himeself. I said to Tom....Billy would've gotten such a kick out of him right now.

Sean's learned how to use door knobs so using the bathroom alone is totally out of the question for me now. It's also tricky keeping him in the house. We have to lock the storm door. I'm going to curse the day he figures out the screen is only velcro'ed to the door and can be pulled off (it's how he got out last year). He's also loving taking his diaper off and being nature boy. I'd love it if he decided to start using the toilet. I haven't potty trained anyone yet and I'm not about to start now. Although I may change my tune by the end of the summer. lol

Tom's taking tomorrow and Friday off. I'm kind of sad I won't be here with him tomorrow. But the important thing is he's getting tires for his tractor!!! Woohooo! It'll reduce his yard work load a LOT! Right now he's tilling and mowing with push machines. . With the tractor he can definitely till with a more powerful tiller and with a little work on the mower deck he'll be mowing with it too. We also have a riding mower but that one isn't working at the moment either. Hopefully he'll get that fixed this weekend, we could really use both.

On my way to the dr's yesterday I almost got a ticket. The police had a seatbelt check and they noticed my inspection sticker ran out at the end of April. The younger officer was about to say that I was going to get a ticket when the older one interrupted and asked me...You're going to get that fixed tomorrow...RIGHT!?! I said yes and then changed it to...My husband has Thursday and Friday off, he'll take care of it one of those days. He then told me I could leave. PHEW!!! It's a one year old car! I think it's stupid to need an inspection but oh well, that's the law. I need to drive it into the city tomorrow for Carrie's appt, hopefully I won't get pulled over before it's taken care of!

Well since I started this I've picked up the kids from church, Michelle from work and gotten all the kids into their rooms/beds. Tom is still busy outside I think. And I'm falling asleep in my computer chair. So I'll end it here, throw the wet clothes into the dryer, more clothes into the washer and get ready for bed.