Today is one of those pregnant days I hate. When hormones are running high and someone saying hi brings on the tears. I cried for almost the whole day and still feel on the verge of it. Of course Tom was concerned and kept asking me what was wrong. He doesn't get that it's a lot of everything and a bunch of nothing.
Tom and I drove over to his friend's house to pick up our van. Getting out of the house did me good but I still cried the entire 30mins to the house. I tried to explain to Tom that I'm frustrated at how little I can accomplish around here. That my body won't cooperate. That everyone has been so busy that I haven't had too much help. That I'm NOT READY for this little one and time is bearing down on me. I don't even know what I have or don't have for him (have a basket that I've been throwing things that I buy in...have to wash it and go through it still). My plan for the last 2wks was to get my room cleaned this weekend. I didn't even manage to get in there yet! It doesn't help that Tom tends to report all that he's done around the yard. And what he'll be doing next. I know it's just his line of conversation but grrrrr....frustrated lady here who would LOVE to be able to do whatever work she wanted...when she wanted!!!!
This morning reading my pregnancy board had me on edge and brought on the first round of tears. A woman just had a homebirth and there was lots of talk about the difference between pitocin contractions, natural ones and the ones she (and others) have experienced at their homebirth. Labor is NOT something I'm looking forward to. I'm not scared of it but still.... I'd love to have the option of going naturally. I always "threaten" to run away and hide in a cave until labor starts. Reading their experiences makes it seem so easy. I KNOW pitocin contraxs are brutal. I KNOW that what I'm experiencing would and could probably be better/easier if I didn't have to use it. Then there's the uncertainty of whether the baby will do well being born early. To me, who's natural deliveries happened 12-17days overdue....38wks is EARLY! Granted I've done it twice already and everything was fine. LOTS of ladies have their babies that soon. It's still in the back of my mind. I know...be anxious for nothing. I'm trying really I am. At least I'm not sitting here in a puddle of tears anymore. :o)
Well hopefully tomorrow will be an all around better day. Val has a dr appt so I'm not expecting to get too much work done. There is a bit of work to do though if the kids expect their cousins to spend the weekend. (my sister's 3 girls). Danielle is cuddling into my shoulder wanting to go to bed. So that's what we'll do. Maybe I'll even get some more reading in before my eyes close (read a couple chapters last night like I wanted to!)