Sunday, January 04, 2009

Sunday morning vent

Hmmm seems Sundays and I don't click very well. I guess I can honestly say that I dread them....always have. When I was kid it was the need to be really quiet so my mom could sleep in. There was nothing on tv to occupy us. There was also the desire to go to church with my dad that we very rarely did.

Nowadays it's still along the same lines. Me up with the littles, trying to keep them quiet so everyone can sleep in. Not that I want to be sleeping too....that's a waste of time. Then there's the church dilemma. There are times when I have to physically fight the urge to be mad at Tom. To leave me hanging here all alone to deal with the kids' religious upbringing. I know he likes the church, probably even loves it. Then why leave it all to me?

I hate being divided. To want to spend the day at home with my husband on his day off (Saturdays are usually dump and errand day...lots of running). To want and NEED to be at church with the friends. To have my kids be there...that's even more important to me. That they experience it. But with only one me at the helm, they miss out.

Right now I'm sitting here trying to decide within the next hour if Sean is too sick to go to the meeting. Is he a risk to all the little kids there? Is he too miserable? Will he allow me to even hear anything? Or am I just looking for an excuse to not have to deal with the divide?

He's not feverish but he's green. This morning he's been coughing with gagging and gasping. But is it just early morning gunk that'll disappear in a bit? Or what?

If it wasn't only me there'd be no question...I'd stay home with Mr Greeny and Tom would take the rest. But that's not how it is. I'm fighting the urge to just sit here and cry. I guess I'm not winning since Danielle just asked me why I'm watering. LOL And now she's asking for noodles...for breakfast!1

I'm starting to wonder if Liz is old enough to be responsible for everyone. Would sending Olivia on up without me be ok? Or again, am I just trying to avoid the divide? .

Well only half an hour left until we need to start getting ready. I'm not any closer to deciding or being at peace then I was when I started this. Guess I should get off of here and work on things....both inward and outward.


Thia said...

I am sorry that you are feeling this way, but glad that you posted about it. Why? B/c I have been having some similar issues lately and now I know I am not alone. I seriously believe that part of it is/was the holidays. So much is expected of us moms from day to day, then throw in decorating, sugar, new toys, sugar, family and friends, get the point. No wonder we feel this way. I hope you were able to find some peace during the day and that you are able to greet the week refreshed.

Lisa said...

(((Hugs)))I know the feeling. I had to be the nursery and snack lady yesterday which left Emma to deal with Ad, Mel and Fletch. Lily went off with the boys to sit and they were generally noisy so I was told. ~sigh~ I can't be everywhere.