Monday, July 24, 2006

In the grand scheme of things

The first thoughts in my mind this morning was about my diaper bag being taken. It hit me that I'm lucky I had a van to make a key for! If the person wanted to they could've seen the insurance card, taken the key, and drowe away that white '92 ford clubwagon van. Where woulda that left me? No vehicle that holds my family, still paying for the stupid beast. I mentioned it to Pat and he said...they were too stupid to figure something out like that lol.

THEN the phone rang. It was my sister talking through tears. She needed to tell me something. My heart dropped into my stomach. Something was wrong with my dad. No, she was letting me know something before I saw it on the news or in the paper. Her niece Tiffany was killed in a boating accident. A stupid drunk driving boating accident caused by a guy who's been arrested 2 times for DWI in the last 16mos. (so one article says) Tiffany was 20yo and the only child of her husband's older sister.

My poor sister had to go into work this morning. Someone's on vacation and there isn't anyone to take her place. I hope her boss sends her home. I'm sure she won't be very productive as upset as she is. She hasn't spoken to her sister-in-law MJ (Tiffany's mom) yet. She asked me...Kim, what do you say to someone after something like this? I don't know what to even say to her. I told her...There isn't anything you can say. You just have to be there for her.

Tiffany was between my Patrick and Michelle agewise. I haven't seen her at family functions in a few years so I still see her as a teenager instead of the young woman I'm sure she had become. I do know she was strong willed and outgoing. I don't know how MJ and G will get through the loss of their daughter. I wish I could make it go away or make it easier on them but I know I can't. All I can do is give them a hug when I see them and tell them I'm how sorry I am. It seems inadequate and hollow but it's heartfelt.

Walking around this morning I keep thinking...It could very easily have been one of my kids in that boat. Not that they hang out with the same crowd. More the fact that they are amongst friends who are of drinking age. How hard it is to avoid being drawn into a situation that could lead to something like this. How hard it is to make the right decision when faced with a big group of friends having fun, in a not so smart way. How easy it is to let your brain become impaired so it can't make the right decision. How easily 20 something years ago Tiffany could've easily been ME!

It brings back the time shortly after Carrie had her bone marrow transplant. (might've already told this story, if I apologies) I was talking to D and had said..."It hit me last night. Carrie might not be here 5 years from now". D said..."Kim, anyone of your kids might not be here 5yrs from now".

If Pat hadn't walked out the door 15mins before my sister called, I might've tried to stop him and my nephew from walking out the door and getting in the car. It's silly, I know. You can't live your life based on "what ifs". Thinking about them once in a while though can certainly make you appreciate the "what ares".

No comments: