CRASH!

Yep, that's exactly what I did tonight. I found myself getting irritated over a few simple things tonight. So after I put dinner on the table and called Tom in, I went into my bedroom to try and deal with things and take a few minutes for myself. I turned on my light, climbed on my bed, threw the covers over me and immediately started bawling. OOPS! That wasn't what I'd planned on doing. It wasn't how I'd thought I'd react to the situation.

Tom came in to see if I was ok and saw me. He climbed into bed and hugged me. To console me he reminded me that I'd just cooked a great dinner and everyone was out there enjoying it. It didn't help...it made things worse actually. I finally realized what was wrong. I was feeling guilty. I was feeling like I wasn't appreciative. I was feeling foolish for letting something as silly as a dirty plate cause me to be angry with my children. There are families out there that will never see their daughter, wife, kids, grandkids again. Who'd love to have one of those kids leave a dirty plate where it wasn't intended and I'm getting angry over it. I thought I'd gotten over the worse of dealing with this week but I guess not.

I told Tom that everyone was driving up to Canada tomorrow morning. He offered to let me take the car and go, to cancel his plans for tomorrow so I could go. I knew that he would. I told him it was too late, I hadn't signed up by noon today, we didn't have the money for gas and I didn't want to drive by myself up there and back in one day. Although I'd have really liked to have been there with everyone.

We sat there and talked a bit about a lot of things that needed to be talked about. I came out into the livingroom and apologized to the kids. I explained I wasn't really upset with them. I just wasn't handling this week too well. I know the older ones understood.