Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I'm up again

My sleep is all messed up. I couldn't keep my eyes open while watching American Idol last night so I took Sean into bed shortly after 9:30. And we know what 6 hours added to 9:30 here I am at 4am, wide awake. If it didn't mess up my days so much I really wouldn't mind it. I love having this totally quiet time all to myself. I very rarely get it. But what do to do....type here, crochet, play my game. Guess here wins first.

I ended yesterday's post before I intended to. I was on the phone and just hit publish, guess it's ok. One of the things that had been going through my mind was Liz. I realized laying in bed the other night that I said ALL the kids were here for my birthday and I felt guilty. Of course they ALL weren't here. Lizzy is sorely missed. BUT I know she's in a good place with good people having a life changing experience...and it's a bit easier. One of the best parts of my birthday was that we finalized things and bought Liz's plane ticket home! WOOOHOOOO! I won't say for exactly when as she wants it to be a surprise. Although I'm pretty sure it won't stay that way...sorry Liz.

Carrie got a surprise in the mail yesterday. A letter from Liz! It really made her day. The amazing thing is, Liz mailed it on Feb 22nd. It's postmarked Feb 23rd. It took FIVE weeks to be delivered. I'm not exactly sure on who's part the delay is, but WOW! I've had a box sitting here since February to mail to her. Now I'm not sure if it'll get there in time. I feel so guilty. All those...I'm mailing it out THIS Friday and now it's too late. And Liz's mail box remained empty. I figured it would take two weeks tops, not five...sorry again Liz.

Michelle has been a peach around here lately. She's spent at lease one of her days off deep cleaning an area of the house. Last week it was the woodwork and painting the back door. Yesterday it was the playroom/library/workout room/catch all the stuff you don't know what to do with room. When I was getting dinner out of the oven she was walking by me with black garbage bags chocked full of stuff. I said a bit too loudly...WHAT are you throwing away!?!?!?!?!? She said...It's all garbage. Why do you want to go through each one? It took all I had to say No and to let it go. I'm confident she can tell what should be kept and what shouldn't. Still before sitting here I stood in the middle of the room and wondered...WHAT is she throwing away? Should I go check the bags? Where is the big container of trucks and cars and such? Do I dare open the toy box and see how full or empty it is? I didn't, I just said...I have faith in her and I'm letting it go...and then walked out of the room. How many days left until trash day?

So school meetings yesterday, yes I ended up with more then one. I met with Carrie's teachers and felt totally deflated and sad for Carrie by the time we left. When I go to these things I'm used to hearing...they aren't applying themselves, they know the work but aren't doing the work, if they did their homework there wouldn't be a problem. Not this time. Yes, Carrie COULD be better about doing homework. Yes, she COULD stay after school more often for help. But whether she'd be where she needed to be right now if she did, it's not looking that way. *heavy sigh* The 8th grade team is doing WAY more then they have to to try and get her to passing...including allowing her to take her tests open book. And she still can't make the grades. The good thing is we've started the process to bring the educational specialists from 5C (peds oncology department) in to help. I called them when I got home from the meeting and talked for over 20mins. Hopefully by the end of this week, beginning of next we can start some things. I should've started this LAST year at the latest. I really thought it was more of a slight learning problem with a big lack of effort problem. She's going to get swallowed whole in high school. :o(

My other meeting was with the counselor at the elementary school. I talked with her for almost 20 minutes. I've requested that she meet with Olivia on a regular basis for a while. I've never seen Olivia like she was Monday night and it scared the daylights out of me. She did seem to be a bit more social yesterday and she says she's going to school today. Tom's really been trying to spend some extra time with her too which seems to help...both of them. Someone suggested to me that she's not depressed but doing this for attention. GRrrr! SO WHAT! If she's THAT desperate for attention, isn't that something that needs to be addressed? Actually I wish that was what the problem was. Taking care of attention needs is a lot easier then helping someone take control over depression. When I was talking yesterday the counselor suddenly got alert and quickly asked...Is she home alone right now!?! I assured her she wasn't and that I wouldn't allow that even under normal circumstances. That I had her same concerns and I'm her watching her more closely....Monday was that bad.

So making the phone call after my school meetings yesterday allowed me to check things off of my way overdue TODO list. It was a relief to be able to stop thinking about them and encouraged me to get more off my list/mind. So I made a few more calls and checked off a few more things. Funny how something that is really so simple (dialing a phone) can be so debilitating. Only problem is that now I'll be gone most of tonight due to the calls. I hate not being here after school and for dinner prep. It's always something.


Elizabeth said...

I read the blog that you wrote when you said that all the kids were there and it didn't even hit me that I wasn't. :) don't worry about sending anything.. I'll be fine <3 Hope things are going better. Oh, who get's the room michelle cleaned??? ;) Love you all!!!

Lisa said...

(((Hugs)))) I hope the steps you're taking will help your girls. I do that with the phone all the time. It seems so hard to call I put it off and make things worse. I thought I was the only one who did that.