Saturday, January 01, 2005


Let's try this again. I was almost done when my browser crashed this morning. GRRRR!

Not much happened during the day on Thursday. I'd decided I'd try to go to Walmart and hit their 75% off sale, along with the dollar and grocery store. The idea was to take Liz to the ice rink at 8:30pm and then go. I knew I'd never get there before the dollar store closed at 9 if I went to the rink first so we made Liz a little late and hit it first.

I had to get bowls for the midnight snack Friday at church...I was making broccoli soup. I also had wanted to pick up a few extra things that I wasn't so sure I even needed. HPTs AF was due Wednesday or Thursday so technically I was late, but another day or so wasn't REALLY late. It could still show up.

I tried to sneak a few off the shelf while Liz was down the aisle looking at headbands. As I grabbed them about 4 more fell onto the floor. I felt like a kid who was caught with their hand in the cookie jar! So much for being discreet. I'm not sure if Liz saw what it was or not...she didn't say anything.

After dropping off Liz and sticking around the rink helping out and visiting for a bit I drove home. All the way home my mind was going....

Why did I buy those things? I'm wasting money. I'm going to get my hopes up and find out it's negative as always and then have to deal with those raised hopes and baby lust all over again. What if it's positive though!?!? What will Tom say? I know he'd be ok with it eventually but what will his first reaction be? What about my meds and my blood pressure? What would we do about that? Will Olivia be ok with being ousted as the baby of the family after having the spot for 5yrs? Do I really want to start ALL over again? We're coming up into a different time in our lives. What about going back to school? How would I tell my parents? I had to make myself stop before I went crazy with all the what ifs.

I pulled into the driveway, stuck the tests into my coat pocket and went into the house. Luckily the littler kids were already in bed. It made getting into the bathroom quickly and ALONE a lot easier.

As I watched the test working I kept telling myself that it was going to be negative. It went past the test area and no line showed up. I knew it! Wasted money again. Oh well, we're not suppose to be having anymore anyways. The test was working because then the control line showed up. Oh well. I'll wait for the pinkness to finish clearing the area and then I'll hide it and throw it away.

Wait a minute....what is that? Is that a shadow starting to show at the test line area? Oh great! A faint positive. Now I can make myself crazy with the question of whether I am or not for a few weeks. Grrrr! Is that line getting darker? OMG!! IT IS!!!! It's getting darker!!! It's a definite line! I'm pregnant! OMG I'm pregnant. I started shaking and all those thoughts from the car started over again. For a fleeting second I thought about keeping it a secret and not telling anyone. But I was a mess and this was NEWS!!!

I tried to get Tom to come into the bathroom so I could show him the test. He eventually did. His first comment was...maybe it's wrong. NOPE! It's NOT wrong hun...I'm pg. I was just glad he didn't say oh no. We hugged and went out into the livingroom. Michelle was standing at the kitchen sink and I told her I had a late Christmas present for her. Michelle has been known to whine while we're shopping....Moooom, why don't you have a baby so we can buy all these cute things and dress it up? I always tell her to buy a doll! LOL

She looked at the test cassette and asked...what does this mean? What is it suppose to be telling me? What does 2 lines mean? Pat was sitting at the kitchen table with Jess and got a blank shocked looked on his face....Are you PREGNANT!?!?! YEP! SURPRISE!! Michelle and Val's friend J started saying OMG! You're really pregnant? You're not fooling? You're really going to have a baby!? OMG! Pretty much the same thing I kept repeating to myself too. They ran down into the bedroom and told Val who was on the phone. She pretty much had the same reaction. I have to admit I was a bit surprised. I thought for sure after the initial...oh goody we'll have a "doll" to dress up reaction was gone. I'd have the...oh no, not another brat to deal with. It hasn't happened yet. Although Drew hasn't said too much on the subject.

I called SIL, D, after and told her. After her initial shock she was happy for me. When I mentioned that I'm scared senseless she reminded me....God doesn't make mistakes. And it's true!

1 comment:

Jody said...


No, God does not make mistakes. What a wonderful blessing for you!!