I don't know

I really didn't think I'd be able to get through Tuesday. I was fighting tears all morning. I kept thinking....if I'm this bad now, how am I going to be around people? I forget that there's strength in numbers. That seeing friends and being with family...there's strength in that. I was amazed at how many people came out, especially the friends from past. It was so good to see them. Tom's bestfriend came...we haven't seen him quite a few years. He was the bestman at our wedding and we used to be tight when our kids were little (their 2 kids are Pat's and Michelle's age). There were a lot of people from work came. Mostly for Tom and Bob, but many had also worked with Billy and their dad. Tom said he had fun showing us off to his co-workers. I asked if he pointed me out by saying...the foxy one over there. ;o)

Tom has this intense desire to have order to everything. He's working hard to get things done around here, mostly outside. He's been in and out of Billy's trailer. His mind is going a mile a minute planning and organizing things. I don't blame him, I've had the same sense. Unfortunately for me the little ones put a damper on any huge plans, plus my body isn't on the same page. I also totally understand the need to keep his mind busy. It's those quiet times when everything just crashes down.

I've been worried about Jake, Billy's been like a father to him. They went camping for weeks last summer....just the two of them. Jake spent most of his summer days hanging out with him out back. Jake has his uncle's quick wit and could give it back to him like no other. Billy got quite the kick out of him. Knowing that Jake's usually a firecracker and has a ton to say, it's been hard to see him so quiet. Tonight him and Tom were hanging out out back. Tom said they talked quite a bit about how much they'll miss them. Jake said they just have to remember the happy times. Luckily there were a lot of them.

Val told me she had a dream this morning. She was walking in our woods and found a lake that we obviously don't have. Billy was back there, building a log cabin. She woke up after thinking....he isn't gone! He was just hiding.

Me, I seem to be living most of the days in unfinished thoughts and it's very upsetting. I'm constantly stopping myself midsentence because the rest of it can't be said. I went to BJ's yesterday to get some groceries. I was in the beverage aisle getting iced tea mix and the cases of V-8 caught my eye. I thought to say...I should get some for Billy...luckily I didn't say it to the kids who were with me. We were having steak and baked potatoes last night (Val's pick for her birthday dinner). It was one of Billy's favorite meals. I started to tell someone to save some steak for Uncle Billy and had to stop myself. Tom was dropping off Michelle to work today and then going to the Res to buy cigarettes. I stopped myself just as I was about to ask him if he was picking up any for Billy. He's everywhere here and in almost everything I do. I just want to get away, I can only imagine how hard it is for Tom. As hard as it's going to be for Tom, I'm thinking going to work on Monday will be a good thing. At least there he can get distracted and "forget" for a few minutes. I know going to school has been good for the kids. Although I wish they didn't have to deal with the rumors. People...if you don't know for sure...keep it to yourself!!!! (and yes, I need to heed my own advice at times)

Michelle has the day off tomorrow so no driving for us. YIPPEE! Although we aren't staying home. We're going to Della's for lunch. At least I hope we are, meaning no one gets sick between now and then. Seems Drew started barfing yesterday. Hopefully no one else caught it from him. I do NOT want to deal with a throwup bug. Actually I'd prefer not to deal with anything. Yet, that can't happen. Kids still have to go to school, do projects, diapers need to be changed, kids need attention and dinner needs to be made. Life continues on, even when you don't know how it can. And in that...there is healing.

ps...sorry for the weird date thing, I started this yesterday but didn't get far so restarted it today. I edited it to correct the date.

A day of distraction

I was going to say a day of fun, and maybe I still should...it was fun...especially for the kids. For me though, it was a distraction and a very welcomed one. Della called late this morning and asked if we wanted to go with her and we'd take the kids to Chuck E Cheese. Hardly any of my kids have ever been there, Tom's brothers were visiting so I wouldn't be leaving him home alone (it also allowed them to visit uninterrupted) and I had the money so we decided...SURE!

Liz, Carrie and Eileen had been the only ones to go to school and I'd already decided to yank them out early but they didn't know that. Almost on cue, as soon as I agreed to Della's trip, Liz texted Michelle asking if I'd pick her up from school. It seems she spent most of the school day in the guidance office. Michelle let her know I'd be there soon. I called all three schools and asked for the 3 girls to be released. I also picked up one of Della's boys while I was there so he could hang out with Luke and Jake.

There were 20 of us. I'm sure we were quite the spectacle coming in. But oh well, we spent a good chunk of cash with 3 pizzas, 12 sodas and about 400 tokens. The older kids took the little ones to play and ride on the machines while Della and I sat and talked. It was hilarious when all my big kids and their friends came walking into the place. It was one of the stops on Val's birthday day on the town. I think they might have been just as excited and had just as much fun as the little ones. I swear sometimes they never grow up. We were there for over 2.5hrs! By the time we were ready to leave I was ready for a nap. I couldn't imagine how exhausted I'd have been if I'd had to chase the kids around myself! I realized we picked a good time to go there. By the time we were leaving it was getting busy there.

We've been trying to make a difficult decision for the last few days. Do we keep Shelly Roo (Billy's dog) or do we allow Tom's cousin, who was Billy's bestfriend, take her. Tom's aunt is a place that Shelly Roo loved to visit. We were worried that she'd be looking for Billy here, his scent was everywhere. She's also 13yo and very skittish. She they found her she was living under a trailer, catching and eating snakes to survive. When she was living at Tom's parents house she'd run and hide whenever anyone came over. She slowly got comfortable around my kids while she lived here. Still, she didn't like a lot of commotion and noise...which our house is full of. She'd been doing really well this weekend and we thought...maybe we could keep her. All the kids wanted to keep her and I think Tom really wanted to also....she was a connection to his parents and Billy.

This morning our decision was kind of made for us. I got up from the computer desk and went into the kitchen to make coffee. Sean was the only other one up and was playing in the livingroom. While at the stove I heard Shelly growl and Sean start crying. I don't know exactly what happened but I'm pretty sure Sean was bugging her. Unfortunately it ended with Sean sitting on the floor crying with a small scratch across his nose, I'm assuming she scratched him. She wasn't happy here, and we couldn't "trust" her with the kids. We called Scott and he came and picked her up. It was like I was giving away a prized possession. The only consolation is that I know he loves her almost as much as Billy did and he'll take really good care of her.

One of the things that kind of bugged me this weekend is that I haven't paid a ton of attention toward the kids. Friday night I was concentrating on Tommy and his brothers and sisters. Granted I knew that they had each other and there were friends helping them too. Still even when Sean woke up and I had to go in the house, I still wasn't THERE for them. Saturday we got them out of the house and spent most of the day and evening at Bobby's house. I keep telling myself it was ok. It was really beneficial for them to be with their cousins...talking, remembering, and playing. Oh well, I can't beat myself up about it. I have to remember that you can be there and help someone in a lot of ways.

Tomorrow we're having an informal get together at a local restaurant. I'm hoping that it can really help the kids process this and bring some closure. I know it's only the beginning of the process but it's a step. The girls have really enjoyed making posters for Uncle Billy. There's one certain picture I HAVE to find or there will be some pretty upset girls. I hope I can find it, it's one of my favorite pictures of him. It epitomizes his nature, humor and how he was with the kids. He's sitting in our kitchen, hat on backwards with Val sitting on his lap and she's in a paper bag! They've always called it the paper bag princess picture. I also want to find the picture of Carrie hugging the snot out of him when he was visiting her in Boston during her bone marrow transplant.

I need to do laundry and search for that picture. Some sleep might be nice too...It's going to be a long day tomorrow.

Very raw day

Today was a day of acknowledgment and it was a very hard day. I've been wiped out both emotionally and physically. Shortly after finishing up writing here Tom got up. I had just finished reading an email from a faraway friend and I wasn't totally composed from it. It didn't matter, neither was he. He walked into the kitchen and said...I'll never get away from it. Everything reminds me of him. I asked him if he wanted to read the email and told him about my post here. He said he wanted to read both and he did. It was extremely difficult but for the first time Tom didn't hold back. I think it was good for him to see we were on the same page, that he wasn't alone in how he felt. While we were a mess externally, I think it was a bit healing internally.

All morning long I kept hearing the kitchen door. It was the wind, a cat or one of the chickens. It was never Billy like I thought it was and the crying would start. Every trip into the kitchen came with a glance out the backdoor to see what he was doing, if he was coming up. And then I'd remember and the crying would start again. As much as I missed my kids (they had spent the night at various places), I was thankful that they weren't here. Danielle had slept in and Sean had gone back in for a nap, allowing Tom and I some alone time to talk....much needed alone time.

We lost track of time and before we knew it Tom's older brother was here to pick him up. They were heading to the funeral home to make arrangements. Now I was alone with Sean and Danielle. I was exhausted and Sean was taking full advantage of my slowness. He got into Olivia's barely touched birthday cake, getting frosting EVERYWHERE including plastering his hair before I could get to him. While cleaning that up he got into Liz's backpack and found her mascara, making himself a unibrow and a goatee by the time I caught up with him. It was then that I decided....I need a nap. I woke up Michelle and asked her to babysit so I could jump into bed for a while. Sleep was slow to come but it did eventually arrive, lightly. Still it helped. I was trying to decide if I wanted to try to fall back to sleep for the third time in an hour when Tom came home, so I got up.

I needed to get some fresh air so snuck outside (because Sean wouldn't think of allowing ME to go out without him lol) and visited Tom. Then the hustle and the bustle of the house started to return. A friend brought Jake home carrying the supplies he needed to do a major Egypt project, which is due tomorrow. My parents came over for a visit. Della brought Eileen, Olivia and Luke home. They had posters and cards they'd made and lots of stories to tell. Pat came over after dropping Alex off at work and hung out. Val came home and John came over shortly after that.

It hit me that I had to feed these people...but what? Tom saw me rummaging through the freezer and told me to just order pizza and wings. It was nice to not have to think about or make dinner, but OUCH! Oh well, at least we had the extra cash to do it and it was yummy! I had an OMG moment when I looked around me and realized...I'd forgotten Carrie wasn't home! She was at Tom's oldest brother's house and I'd totally forgot. Luckily he lives in the village and the kids could pick her up when they picked up the pizza and wings. Drew and Allison came in shortly after the pizza got here. Cory was here as soon as he got out of work. I sat here, looked at my overflowing livingroom full of pizza eating kids and thought...I AM SO BLESSED!

And on that note, I'll end this and head to bed. But first I'm going to go down to the big girls room, give Val a huge hug and wish her a Happy Birthday.

One of the worst weekends of my life

Warning....death and raw emotion involved. Those that personally know me and are involved may want to skip this next post. It is not my intention to upset you, only to try to get through this extremely difficult time as best and the only way I can.

Through the almost 5 years I've been blogging here there's been mention of Tom's brother, usually referred to as...my BIL or UB (Uncle Billy). He's been a part of this house for a lot of years. Some years he was a semi regular resident, staying in the library or on our couch. Other years, because of commitments to others he couldn't be here. For the last 2 years he's been living on our property and was a constant part of our lives. So much so that I almost wrote him up a bio in my Meet the Kids page in February, but I didn't think he'd appreciate it, he's a pretty private man. On Friday night, everything changed. I won't go into the how and no one knows why. The only thing that matters is that he's gone...forever.

I'm sitting here in hysterics trying to write this, trying to not wake anyone. I have to be strong for Tom. He has had to live through a nightmare that no one should have to experience. Friends and family have been great, even while trying to deal with their own grief. They've taken our kids in, kept them busy, helped them remember the good times. Tom's surrounded by his siblings, for that I am extremely thankful for.

Billy as people tend to say...danced to the beat of a different drummer. Many people didn't get him, but then that meant they didn't know him. I think if he was a kid in the school system nowadays he might be labeled on the "spectrum". But he wasn't. It was just how Billy was. He didn't hold to conventional lines of thought. Money, job and whatnot didn't matter to him. As long as he had enough to get by, it was all he needed or cared for. He was perfectly happy to be outside...digging in the garden or tinkering with an engine. I know he'd have loved to have had a wife and kids of his own. He'd have made a great dad. Instead he had all his nieces and nephews. In his own special way he was a father figure to my kids. Actually he had the pretty cozy end of that deal, being able to talk with them and have fun with them...without having to deal out discipline. lol When they were outside, they were "hanging with Uncle Billy". On hot summer days they'd sit out there with him, drinking his sodas, listening to his stories. Him explaining how things worked or what things meant. Being silly, making up or teaching them goofy songs (like Hit me with your best snot!), making up odd games for them to play together. He had a quick wit and was always ready to share it. :o) He was Tom's bestfriend. There was hardly a day that they didn't have coffee together or a beer. Sitting out back or in Billy's trailer, talking all day long and/or well into the night. It could even get to the point that I would get jealous.

But now it's gone. After my initial shock of what was happening Friday night passed, the anger came on. I was SO mad at him! How could he! How could he put Tommy though a night no one should ever have to go through. How could he ruin a 9yo little girl's birthday party, put a black mark on it...for the rest of her life. How could he do this to my kids! To make them have to deal with this, be in the middle of it. I think the anger is what got me through the night. Otherwise I'd have been a hysterical mess. Now though, the anger is subsiding to a dull roar in the back of my head. True to form, I've held up for the parts I needed to. And now I'm falling apart. I'll fall apart for a bit, get through it and then get back to functioning. The problem is, I have to do it before daylight is here and everyone is up. I can't let Tom see me like this. It'd be too much for him.

I keep finding myself thinking Billy's going to come through the back door for his morning coffee. Or his midday one, or his midafternoon one or.... This morning before I got on here I thought...oh Billy probably has the Sunday morning paper. Then I realized, no he doesn't. You have to go out and get it yourself. And I fell apart...it's a NEWSPAPER for crying out loud! Although he didn't live IN the house, he was very much a part OF the house. I can't go into the kitchen without looking to see if Billy's heading up to the house. The light is on in his trailer. Tom refuses to turn it off.



It throws me for a loop each time I pass by the back kitchen door. For a split second I think...He's here, it wasn't real, it was all a bad dream. Then reality hits and my heart sinks again.

Tom and I were sitting here last night by ourselves. I said to him...now don't take this wrong but Billy messed up my backup plan and I'm feeling pretty vulnerable now. Tom asked me what I meant. I admitted to him that I had a comfort knowing that Billy was here. That if anything happened to either Tommy or I, that the other would be sure to be taken care of. That Billy would be here to step in, help parent the kids, do stuff around the house, and whatnot. Tom said he understood what I meant because he'd had the same thought. People looked at the situation here and didn't understand it. What they didn't understand is that, what little we were giving to Billy, he was giving back to us tenfold. There's a hole in our house and And right now it's pretty huge. I know over time it will diminish in size but it will never go away. We'll miss you Billy...more then you will ever know.

One thing crossed off my list,

100 more added on. Or at least it feels like it at times. Tom took today off, not for a fun day but to run errands. First was to school to pick up Liz and then to the bank to get her visa papers notarized. We forgot to bring in her passport so they could verify her photocopy of it. So back home and then Tom headed back to the bank again. He mailed off all the papers, now she waits. Well and purchases tickets...but we're not sure of the exact dates yet so that makes things difficult. Not to mention there are a few girls she's coordinating things with too.

Tom had to head down to the social security office again. We were down there a few months ago to get replacement cards for the two of us. I managed to misplace the envelope with his replacement card before I could even give it to him. I think I left it in the car and someone threw it away in a mass car cleaning fit. We NEED that card so we can get on with last year's state audit of our tax refund. I'm guessing they didn't think we could possibly have as many deductions as we claimed...so therefore want us to prove it. It's the only major thing that contributes to our refund. Sure will be nice to have that in our bank account finally. Just hope it doesn't take forever and a day for them to finish the audit. Oh well, we've waited this long, what's a few more months right?

On Monday we celebrated Luke's 16th birthday. He asked for pizza or chinese and I decided to have both! lol We ordered a few trays of take out chinese and made some frozen pizzas along with a few homemade. We had enough pizza for all day the next day lol. It was a low key celebration but all the kids were here. It never occurred to me until a few days later...We should've taken a family picture!!! RATS! Oh well, hopefully it'll dawn on me next time. With Liz leaving soon, times running out on us. We gave him Orange Box for the 360, a bag of peanut M&M's, and a 12pk of blue frost Gatorade. Everyone seemed to be on the same wavelength in terms of presents. Mostly energy drinks, sodas, lunchables, candy and the like. I think with him being quiet and easy to please, it was hard to have specific ideas of what to buy him. The fact is that he liked everything he got and enjoyed it, and that's all that matters. I am hoping to take him and his friends out for some fun one of these days/nights...maybe during spring break. I was thinking along the lines of laser tag/paint ball or bowling. I know he'd be just as happy sitting around playing Xbox with everyone, so maybe an Xbox party instead.

Today is Olivia's 9th birthday! Another low key celebration for now. She requested tacos which is easy enough to accommodate. She has activity club tonight so I bought her a box of rice krispie treats to bring. Actually I bought them for church AND school but she asked to stay home for her birthday, so I let her. Not sure if she'll want to do something for her birthday on Monday or not. We got her a huge bag of lemons (she asked for them!), a build a bear set and Tom's trying to find some webkinz trading cards. I do have a few lil kinz in my drawer I can opt in for the cards if he doesn't find them.

Val's 19th birthday is monday and she hasn't decide what she wants for her dinner yet. I'm waiting for her to say crab legs and I'd be thrilled if she did. (I've been wanting some myself) Although my wallet would scream at the thought. She mentioned having a few friends over Saturday night but I'm not sure how that's working out. It's a good thing I'm a fly by the seat of my pants type of person. Although if I wasn't, my kids probably wouldn't be either and these things would've been worked out months ago! lol

Carrie had a TODAY study appt yesterday. She went from 18% compliance, to 65%! Go Carrie! If she hadn't forgotten to pack her meds on the weekends to my sister's and then to Connecticut, she'd have been in the 85% area. The good news, her blood pressure was better. (she's taking blood pressure meds too) For some reason though her fasting glucose numbers are creeping up. So not sure what they're going to do about that.

I talked to Pat today, he had an interview this morning and another this evening. Hopefully he'll be calling to say he's hired! Michelle has today off, no driving for me! I have to laugh though because as much as I WANT to stay home, I'm still finding myself thinking of places to go.

Well, this has taken long enough to get published. Need to get some things done around here now that I'm home for the day.

Thank you Sean

Started this on 2/24 after posting my Island week pictures.

I was previewing the last post and Sean did something on the keyboard to publish it. So I guess I was done and just didn't know it. LOL

Anyways, so we're back to the same old. And I'm dreading it every morning. I hate having to wake the kids up and make them get out of their warm beds. I hate having to decide if they're well enough to go to school. I hate having to push them out the door into the freezing cold snow. I hate them being gone all day and that they are tortured every afternoon with an hour bus ride home.

As usual the idea of homeschooling is always a thought in the back of my head. Until now though things have been to the benefit of our small country public school. Now though I've heard rumors that a certain person, whom I never thought would agree to homeschooling, is wanting to do it. So the thought has moved to the front. Problem is, I still have the same doubts I've always had about myself. I'm a procrastinator, my follow through sucks, and I'm LAZY! Lots to consider.

Liz had a safe and exciting trip to New Mexico. She didn't want to come home! I don't really blame her but I was a bit bruised when I heard she had that attitude. Someone recently told her, once you leave home, I don't see you moving back, and they may be right. She has so many opportunities open for her. Right now she's trying to get her visa papers in so she can go to Norway after graduation, she'll be staying for a year.

And now a week later...

Liz has settled back in, Carrie got home safely from Ottawa and we survived the week of school with another one on the horizon. Liz and Carrie were out the door on Friday again, this time it was a roadtrip to Connecticut. Lucky ducks! I want to do a roadtrip!

I've been crocheting. Learning new stitches, and starting a few projects. I finished a fairly decent shell blanket. I'm thinking I want to put a border on it but not sure which one or what colors to use. I did a hat in basketweave that gave me fits at first. It kept looking weird and I'd tear the weave part out and restart...FOUR TIMES! It finally took reading the pattern to realize my mistake (was using a youtube video/tutorial on it before that). I finally managed to finish it....it's big. Too big but not grossly so, it just doesn't fit snuggly like it should. It took me starting another project to realize why. I used the wrong crochet hook! I thought I was using my grey I hook and I was using my K hook. I didn't even realize I had a K hook! The I hook is polished grey, the K hook is "brushed" grey. So now I'm trying it again, this time with the correct needle. I also started a shell stitch hat that I'm almost done with.

Saturday I decided I was going to get the projects from Christmas done. I have 4 no sew blankets to do and Pat's apron to finish. So I cleaned up the kitchen, washed the floor (planned on laying out the blankets there to cut the fringe), grabbed my new cutting mat (can't find my old one) and went to get the new rotary cutter out of my sewing cabinet drawer....it wasn't in there!!! WHERE IS IT!?!?! It was brand new, still in the package. It was RIGHT HERE! I put it RIGHT HERE so I'd know where it was when I needed it! UGH! No one seems to know where it disappeared to. These blankets will never get finished! Oh course I didn't bother getting my sewing machine out and finishing Pat's apron either. It'll only take an hour tops, once I start going on it again. Not sure why I didn't just switch gears, but I didn't.

Our septic has been slow to drain lately. It was in threat mode, mostly the washing machine was too much for it and it'd back up into the utility sinks and slowly drain. Friday it decided it'd had enough of the threatening and moved right into attack mode. The girls were taking showers and washing laundry...getting ready for their trip to Connecticut. They came up out of the basement after switching over their clothes to tell me the sinks were overflowing. They eventually went down but it put an end to any major water use for a few days. Tom dug up the septic yesterday, found the source of the sluggishness and fixed it...I hope. At least this morning's first load of laundry seems to be draining normally so far.

To end this post (because it is getting long) on a happy note. It was announced last week that THREE of my neices are expecting...all around the same time! I'm so excited. One of them was told they'd never conceive children naturally. This is so GREAT! I admit I'm a bit jealous. I want grandbabies!! I'd like them in the proper order though (marriage first) so I guess I can be patient and wait.

Back to the grindstone

Vacation came and went WAY too quickly! But it's over. Tom and Michelle decorated the house really cool for Island Week. Actually this year except for the decorations, it was more like Island Day. We didn't do too much islandy until Saturday. Then it was an all day affair. :o)

Our sun


Michelle's Island


Tom's Island (a little worse for wear, kept falling down)

A new post up over at Mega Moms

I haven't really said anything about the Octuplets being born and all the rhetoric toward large families that's been created by it. But I finally decided it was time after I learned Tom's been getting some stuff at work. Now it's personal I said it in the article and I'll say it again. The lack of support I've seen in the large family community really has surprised and saddened me. Personally I'm not so gungho over IVF and such There's too many moral dilemmas that can play into it for my liking, plus I believe in God led fertility...whether that means you have 20 kids or no kids. (And I acknowledge my stance might be different if I was on the other end of this). Still, who am I to sit here and judge. No one is judging anyone else about how they came to have their large family. Whether every decision was a wise one, worthy of support or not. I think in media circuses like this people forget...the media doesn't always get it right. And it's usually not the whole story. Me, I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt....she was doing what she felt was the best for her situation. And for that, she deserves support and understanding, especially from those of us who understand a little of what she's going through and has to put up with.

Wednedays' pictures

The other post was getting long and these pictures were from a different day. So I decided to throw a quicky post up for Wednesday's pictures.

I had Olivia and Jake home but didn't get a chance to take their picture because I'd promised Michelle and Val a trip to the mall. UGH! UB hung out with Jake and Olivia most of the time. I forgot to take the camera to the mall with me which is a bummer since I think I'd have gotten some cool shots. Seems there was an investigation going on that involved lots of guys in uniforms...one of the kiosks was broken into. I'd love to just sit and capture people at the mall all day...especially the elderly mall walkers. Some looked so cute, walking or shuffling along with their partner. Others looked so lonely walking all alone. I just wanted to go up and give them a great big SQUEEEEEZE!

Anyways...back to sharing a few pictures of the day...

Liz being a good girl, doing her homework


Ummm is your homework done Luke?


Eileen on the computer with lots of help from Danielle


And don't tell but Carrie and Eileen were caught dancing after they tried on the new clothes I bought.


MOM! What are you doing!?!?! You can't show me doing that!


Yeah mom, what are you doing?

I should be working

We're suppose to be hit with a pretty bad wind storm tomorrow. I've read some twitter reports of the damage it's done down south. If it's as bad here as it is there, we're sure to lose power. We're on the very end of the grid here and outages can be common. We actually lost power two days ago for a few minutes which messed up everyone's alarm clocks, therefore I had an excuse for falling back to sleep and not making sure everyone got up for school. lol Anyways, back to the no power train of thought. With no power we have no water (need power to work our pump) which is a huge thing here. So I should be making sure all the dishes are done....but I'm not. I should be filling containers of water so I won't have to go outside in the cold to fill plastic totes with a bucket dipped into the well...but I'm not. And the laundry...I had it all done before I left for Florida but have hardly done any since I returned. I have Val leaving for NYC EARLY Friday morning and Liz leaving for New Mexico Saturday morning, I'm sure they'll need to do laundry before leaving. Not to mention if we have no power and therefore no working furnace people will probably want clean socks to put on their cold feet...and there aren't any. And yet I still sit here.

Tom came home from work, grabbed a bit to eat and headed right to bed. He "slept" for 4 hours and went back into work for the night, so he'll be working 16 straight hours. While he's proud of his job, he's mostly doing it for us. He's such a good provider! I hate when money gets tight here because I know he starts thinking he's not doing a very good job of taking care of us. Which is SO NOT TRUE!!! Here's a picture of him getting ready to go out to the chicken coop last night...



OOPS! I got up to get a drink and realized I never closed up the chicken coop. Ran out and did it so they're all cozy until morning. I could hear the tiny creek in our backyard roaring! Wish I could seen it but it was too dark. It'll be interesting to see how high it gets tomorrow. At least it's far enough away (and small enough) that I don't have to worry about our house flooding! It's just a cool feature of our yard during the wet season (it's dry in the summer) Will probably be an interesting subject to use the new camera on too...playing with ISO speeds and whatnot. Speaking of cameras and pictures. I meant to share these yesterday.

Sean LOVES the water, has since the day he was born. His favorite thing is to try to climb up to the kitchen sink and play in it. If the bathroom door is left open he thinks he hit the jackpot. Most of my day is spent keeping him out of the kitchen sink and bathrooms. Well I was sleeping on the job after the girls had a bath.



Liz and Eileen stayed home from school and spent a good deal of time napping on the couch...




Then Liz was trying out the camera and took pictures of 2 of our 3 cats. The one in background is a stray female that's adopted us. She's pretty skittish though, so doesn't like to get pets. The other 2 are brothers from 2 different litters (same mother) and they are the most loveable things in the world. They're purring before you even start petting them.



After the kids came home the camera started clicking.

Val being a Price is Right girl...


Olivia enjoying an afterschool snack...


Carrie and Jake being too cool...


And of course Danielle has to get in on the fun too!

The doctor jusr called

He said he didn't get many cells but what he got were all normal. I'll take it! So now we watch it and recheck it in 6mos. I think I've told practically everyone BUT Carrie! LOL She's still on the bus right now. While I'm sure she's going to be happy not to deal with cancer again. I think she's not going to be too happy about the possibility of having a biopsy done again. Next time though I'll be insisting on Emla cream before hand. Actually I'm going to talk to them about it for all her visits. I just have NO confidence that their "freezy" spray is an effective numbing agent. And I know emla works wonders. So off to go call Tom. I'm sure he's been on pins and needles all day too.

Thanks everyone for caring and all your prayers. It helps a lot.

Is it next week yet?

UGH! I am SO ready for vacation to be here! I was up at 6am and started playing the...Nurse Sean back to bed before you have to get up so things can be a bit easier...game. At 6:30 he was almost asleep. At 6:31 I guess I was too. I fell back to sleep!!! And I dreamed, and it wasn't even a very good dream. (I was at a certain friend's house after her husband's funeral. Some 20something yo kid was wanting me to act his age but I was couldn't pull it off, even if I wanted to. Then I woke up...knowing what had happened. I'd fallen back to sleep and we were late! I couldn't figure out why no one else's alarms went off and then I remembered we lost power yesterday for about 2 minutes. So everyone's clock was messed up. Sure enough there were only 10mins before the bus would be here. I told everyone they could take 2nd trip and I went back to bed again. To top off the morning, we had a substitute bus driver and she was TEN minutes early! The kids were just heading toward the door when she pulled up but she drove off before they could get OUT the door!!! GRRRR! So I had to pile the kids in the car and drive them myself.

Let's hope all the bad juju vibes have been used up for today....only GOOD things for the rest of the day. And to start the good vibes, here's a picture of Mr Man enjoying the rest of an apple someone started for breakfast.

Can you guess what I bought tonight?

I took Carrie and Liz shopping tonight. Carrie had a Walmart giftcard from the TODAY study burning a hole in her pocket. Liz had money and wanted to buy some things for her trip to New Mexico. She's leaving Saturday and will be gone for 8 days....she's so excited!

Well I guess I can't say what I bought since I'm not entirely sure if I did, or Liz did or both of us did. That's up for discussion still. For now we're sharing although she'll be hogging it and taking it to New Mexico with her.

Whatever it is, I broke it out of it's box and tortured Tom with it.



Then I moved onto my next victim....

Jake!


Playing with my 12x optical zoom....yes 12x OPTICAL! Woohooo! I'll never have to get out of my chair again. lol


Then I realized how late it was when we got home so scolded Carrie to go to bed.


I did my rounds and checked on the kids. Here's two of my perfect angels. :o)


Still having a bit of energy left I decided to play with my new toy. Taking pictures of the moonlit yard at 1am.





Incase you hadn't figured it out yet....we have a new camera! Now I'll have to keep my house clean so I won't be embarassed to take pictures.

I need some dynamite

I think I'm partially into my shut down mode. That place I go to when things get a bit hectic. I can and do take care of the kids fine, but everything else....falls by the wayside. All the things I thought I'd get done this weekend are not even in my stratosphere right now. Well that's not entirely true I did go into the basement and send some stuff to the dump with Tom this morning. And I'm paying for it too. 10mins in the yucky basement digging through things and my face feels like it's caught in a vice. I've drank so much coffee that I've now resorted to just hot water. I probably should go take some claritin.

The kids have been busy. Liz and Carrie are at church for the youth girls' weekend. Hopefully having a ton of fun (I'm sure they are). Luke is over there working on the caretakers residence. Jake was there but went home with one of his friends. Last I heard they were heading to a movie. Although they haven't asked yet, I'm pretty sure he's not coming home tonight. Michelle had to be to work at 4 and Tom took her. He's then heading to some stores. Sean's taking a much needed nap (both for him and me lol) and the little girls (Eileen, Olivia and Danielle) are keeping busy on the computer and playing. Oh yeah and Val's being the social butterfly she is and is somewhere. Drew drove by earlier, honking at the girls playing outside, saying he had to go to work (gotta make the donuts! lol) Pat, I haven't heard from in a few days. I really need to call him and see how his new job is. I also have to tell him about Carrie before he gets mad that....NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING!

There's lots of talk about next Saturday. No, they're not excited about Valentine's Day. They're excited about the start of their midwinter break from school which means it's....ISLAND WEEK! They'd all like to go back up to Niagara Falls again but I'm pretty sure that's not in our future. After all that was a special gift to us from UB. I have shot around the idea of going to a hotel with a pool for a night or two. That's how the original Island Week started. Tom wanted to take the kids somewhere nice where they could swim during their snowy Feb break. We couldn't afford it so made the tropics come to us. Actually what I'd like to do is runaway to a nice hotel with Tom for a few nights...but that's not in the cards right now either. So this weekend and the coming week should be busy getting ready for vacation. We have to clean, decorate, plan, shop, cook. I have NO idea exactly what we're doing yet, but I'm sure those details will be worked out soon enough.

I've made it into print. The NY Times did an article on large families. I was interviewed on Tuesday. As usual everything isn't exactly right but close enough that I'm fine with the article. (well except for referring to the small family as precious, implying our families aren't).

Carrie is one tough cookie!

It was really rough for her. They ended up taking 4 samples. She said the first one didn't hurt, but she was scared. The rest hurt! She's pretty sore. I was wishing I could trade places with her and hope I didn't bruise her arm from holding onto her too tight.

We won't get any results until probably Tuesday afternoon. I asked if they could see anything initially and he said on a quick look it looked good. BUT he's not a pathologist and they'd look a lot more thoroughly. So he can't say it really is good. I was just glad it wasn't grossly obvious that it was malignant.

I found out on the way home that she really had no clue why they were taking samples and what they were looking for. She had a lot of questions though so now she knows. I'm sure it'll be a long weekend for her. I wish I could've spared her a few more days of knowledge.

You should've seen her eyes when the dr mentioned watching the nodule and redoing the biopsy a while down the road if it was benign. She was NOT pleased with that. I'm sure she has no clue what would lie ahead for her if it's malignant. But that's jumping the gun and even I don't want to go down that road right now.

After her appointment we stopped by my parents' house so she could rest a bit. Then it was onto lunch for the 2 of us. I tried to get my parents to come too but my mom was exhausted and my dad's back is really bothering him. Carrie picked old reliable...Chinese buffet. It was weird to not have to think about and take care of Sean while sitting there. We didn't stay very long but left satisfied with some nice one on one time under our belt.

On a good note, she's going to have a blast this weekend! It's a youth girls weekend at church, the perfect distraction. They're planning lots of fun, games and fellowship for everyone. I'm sure she'll come home exhaustedly happy.

EARLY morning musings

I can't sleep. Maybe it's because I fell asleep with Sean when putting him to bed. Maybe it's because of what I know lies ahead for Carrie today. Maybe it's both. Still I'm relishing the peace and quiet, the uninterrupted trip to the bathroom. The chance to sit here with hot coffee in my hand without worrying about it getting knocked around. I've been trying to convince myself that I should run a load of laundry into the basement and throw it in the washer. Guess I'm not trying too hard because I'm still sitting here and the laundry is still in the hamper.

I'm a bit miffed. When I got on my laptop last night the cord wasn't powering it. I played around with it and got the charge light to light up for a second and then it was gone. I've only had the stupid thing since January 16th. Guess I got what I paid for...cheap! Cheap! CHEAP! It'll probably cost me almost as much to ship it back as it cost me to purchase the stupid thing! So now I'm on the kids' (my old) desktop again, lost without all my bookmarks and saved passwords. I don't want to expend the energy to remember everything and to set this computer up with my programs! WAH! I know, I'm lame but oh well.

Hmmmm...Tom's alarm just went off for the first of many times. Guess just a little reminder then normal craziness will soon be creeping back into my reality. The kids have one more week of school before Midwinter break and I am SO ready for it to be over all ready. I feel guilty because I was just gone for over a week but to tell you the truth...that was no vacation! Yes, it was an easier time in one sense, harder in a couple more. My dad and I both said we were exhausted for days after getting home, surprising us both. Guess we're getting old. I know I almost fell out of my chair when I realized he was going to be 70 this year. There is NO way my dad is almost 70yo! Although with his back bothering him really bad these last few days I'm sure he feels 170yo. He's not an old man, I still think of him in the 50s. Then again my husband is in his 50s! LOL Can't have it both ways.

Ah, another trip of Tom's alarm and another smack on the snooze button. I'm holding my breath that it doesn't wake Sean. I love the kid to death but I'm just not that ready for him to be up yet. This oneness with myself is just too nice. Then again it can be dangerous too because it allows my mind time to think. What I really need is to just shut it down for a little bit and pray. It's time like this that I wish I had an MP3 player with church messages and songs on it. To be able to sit and listen uninterrupted and without concern...

Well, Tom's alarm is going off AGAIN! So far so good that Sean is still sleeping. I'm going to go put on a fresh pot of coffee for Tom and enjoy the last little bit of aloneness I have.

Could use some prayers for Carrie please

The poor girl seems to have had to deal with more then any one person should have to. Yet she has had one more thing come up. During her exam at her TODAY (type 2 diabetes) study appointment they found a nodule on her thyroid. We immediately went from the clinic building to the Joslin center and did an ultrasound to confirm it. She's going in for a fine needle biopsy tomorrow morning at 10am.

She's scared senseless. Not for what the nodule could mean since I'm pretty sure she's ignorant about that at the moment. But the idea of having a needle inserted into her neck is freaking her out.

Me, I'm really trying not to be anxious over this. Unfortunately there's a few things that make it difficult. Carrie never seems to do anything normal or easy. Her having had total body irradiation for her bone marrow transplant makes nodules almost expected. It also makes cancer a LOT more likely, as does her age both when she had the radiation and right now. I'm holding onto the fact that although the dr wanted to do the biopsy tomorrow, he also gave us the option of waiting until her next appt in March. Personally it would have driven me crazy with worry if I'd had to wait for March, especially with her previous medical history.

I know if does end up as thyroid cancer the prognosis is very good, especially because of it's early detection. I also know that it doesn't do any good to think of how this is all going to turn out. I just have to take it one step at a time and deal with it as it comes. So one big step tomorrow and we'll see what comes.

Meet the Kids ~ 2009

Again it's been almost 3 yrs since I've updated the kids' page. Someone recently pointed out that poor Sean isn't even mentioned on the last one.


Andrew/Drew is 24yo. He was the first to move out but didn't move too far away. He lives down the street with his girlfriend, Allison. By day he's a donut pusher, by night he's an aspiring musician. He plays bass guitar in his band...the details They've recently expanded from a cover band to all originals.
Drew's birth story

Patrick/Pat is 23yo. He's the 2nd to move out and lives with a bunch of friends and his girlfriend Alex a few towns over. He's currently working temp jobs but would like to go to culinary school in the very near future. He's the most independent of my kids.
Patrick's birth story

Michelle/Shelly is 21yo. She recently received her 2yr degree from the community college. She's living home and works as a clerk in a wholesale club. She's the funmaker of the house, thinking up ideas and projects to liven up this place. Sbe also spends lots of time with her boyfriend Cory.
Michelle's birth story

Valerie/Val is 18yo. She's taking a break between high school and college. She's an aspiring Esthetician (skin care) and Make up artist. She's always up for a makeup session and a photo shoot with her bestfriend Janna. She's taking her dream trip to NYC very soon. I'm sure she's wishing it was a one way trip.
Val's birth story

Elizabeth/Liz is 17yo. She'll be graduating from high school in June of this year. Whether she attends graduation or not is the unknown as she may be leaving before the ceremony. She's working on getting a working visa for a year to Norway where she'll be working with our church. She'll be sorely missed, especially by Danielle.
Liz's birth story

Luke is 15yo. He's the quiet one of the house. He's also the peacemaker...hates to see discord. He'd be perfectly happy to sit infront of his video games or computer all day but obliges us a face to face visit on occassion. He likes anime such as Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, etc.
Luke's birth story

Carolyn/Carrie is 14yo. She's in 8th grade. She's a cancer survivor who is celebrating 11yrs rebirth after a bone marrow transplant (June '97...Drew was her donor). She now battles Type 2 diabetes. She's growing up into an amazing young lady with lots of friends, both at school and at church. Carrie's story
Carrie's birth story

Jacob/Jake is 12yo. He's in 6th grade. He's a bundle of energy that keeps everyone going and laughing. He's our newest family member to join our church's youth group...which he loves. He's always willing to go and do whatever it is on the schedule whether it's fun or work.
Jake's birth story

Eileen/Bean is 10yo. She's in 4th grade. She's my most sensitive kid and the family worrywart. But she's also a bulldog if crossed. She likes playing with Olivia and Danielle, hanging out with her friends, or being on the computer taking care of her webkinz.
Eileen's birth story

Olivia/Livvie is 8yo. She's in 3rd grade. She's my mother hen, always coddling Sean and Danielle. Her favorite thing is Friday night activity club at church where she can be with all her friends. She also likes to visit her cousin's house for the weekend.
Olivia's birth story

Danielle is 3yo. She's one of my most social babies yet is also shy. Her bestfriends are Liz and her cousin Charlotte. To her there's nothing more fun then a day out with Charlotte.
Danielle's birth story

Sean is 18 months old. He is one of my most serious babies. I truly think he delights in making the ladies in stores try to get him to smile. He's a studier and quiet. Combine it with his distaste for sleep and you have a....I like to keep my mommy on her toes type of kid. He's our last baby which I'm sad but at peace about.
Sean's Birth Story

The whole crew!

Applepicking Oct '08 (click on picture to see it larger)
back row... Luke, Cory (Michelle's boyfriend), Michelle, Val
middle row... Pat, Liz holding Sean, Carrie, Alex holding Danielle (Pat's girlfriend), Allison (Drew's girlfriend), Drew
front row... Jake, Eileen, Olivia

Wanna see how they've grown. Here's links to the other Meet the Kids' pages...

June 2004
June 2006

Patrick's birth story

I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to get out Pat's birth story. It was my easiest delivery ever. Sorry Pat!

Patrick James
December 1, 1985
4:45am
6lbs 7oz


I found myself pregnant for the 2nd time when Drew was 10mos old. I saw the old school OB again so there wasn't much testing or extra monitoring. Although I did learn that not only was I Rh negative. I was also Du negative. I'm assuming Du is another antigen. It's never given me problems (don't know if it can) and I've never heard anyone else ever mention it after this dr.

My due date came and went just like it did with Drew's. And it went and it went. I was a classic kid after they move out of the house....constantly at my parents' house. We were a permanent fixture and often stayed way too late there playing Risk and Triple Yahtzee.

On the night of being 11 days overdue I started fidgeting during a game of Yahtzee. My mom asked what was wrong and I said I was uncomfortable. After the game we moved to the livingroom and I lounged on the couch watching tv. Shortly after settling down I asked my mom what time it was....her reply....10:35. OK, thanks. Then I asked again...mom...what time is it? Her reply...10:42. Ok, thanks. Then I asked a third time...what time is it now? She replied...10:49...KIM! Are you in labor!?!? I told her I wasn't sure. I felt off at those times but it wasn't hurting like it did with Drew (had back labor with him).

We decided to get things ready incase I was in labor. I took Drew upstairs into my old room and put him to bed in the crib. Not an easy feat, he hated to go to bed and fought me tooth and nail. I remember sitting there crying, worried he wouldn't go to sleep before I had to leave. He finally zonked out and I went back down into the livingroom.

Tom went upstairs into the other bedroom to try and take a nap. I was all alone in the livingroom. I tried to doze off too but it wasn't happening. The longer I was alone the more I was thinking we should probably leave. It was shortly after midnight and I decided to call the doctor's answering service. He told me to head to L&D. Tom was pretty groggy when I woke him up since he had just fallen asleep. I told my parents we were leaving and out the door we went.

It's about a 15min ride to the hospital from my parents' house. I didn't feel a contraction the whole ride and I was sure they were going to send me home. Sitting through admitting without any twinges or aches cemented it even more in my mind....false alarm. We finally finished all the paper work and I was taken to my room. I changed into a gown and was hooked up to the monitors. The nurse said...WOW! I thought we were going to be sending you home but there's not a chance of that. All I had to do was look at the monitor to know why she said that....my contractions were coming every 2.5 to 3 mins. I admitted to her that I thought I'd be going home too. They did all routine things....IV and shave. Luckily I was spared an enema.

It was 1:30 by the time my OB came. He checked me and said I was 3cm with a bulging bag. He broke my water and the contractions picked up quite a bit in intensity. I still had a fairly easy time dealing with them. Then transition hit and I had to push. Then I had to wait while they wheeled me down to the delivery room. Then I had to move onto the delivery table. The whole time really uncomfortable and wanting to push. Finally things were set and I was told I could push. 3 pushes later I heard my baby cry and was told it was another boy.

Tom cut the cord and the nurse brought him to me so I could see him. I was staring at a screaming wrinkled miniture old man. He was long and really skinny. We had decided if it was a boy he would be named after 2 of his uncles (both of their middle names). I heard Tom say Hello Patrick James! Happy Birthday! I'm your dad! Then he sang Pat his ABC's. (he's done it for all the kids)

Recovery went ok until my blood pressure started going up the day after delivery. I was put on bedrest and phenobarbital. It started to return to normal in a few days and I was discharged 5 days after delivery.

I spent a few days at my parents' house with the 2 boys while Tom worked. Then we went home to our mobile home. Tom spent the following week home with me. The night before Tom was due back to work I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I was crying hysterically saying... I can't do this! I can't watch Drew and take care of Pat at the same time! How am I going to do this? Tom almost didn't go back to work but he really had no choice. Neither did I...I did it and survived and actually enjoyed it!

Sunday morning yet again

And the amazing thing....I don't have a vent nor am I having a pity party! Woohooo! The meeting is late today as the band weekend is finishing up this morning. Michelle has today off taking the pressure/worry of rides and timing off. So it's all good.

I ran to the store last night so the house is stocked with yummy things. Amazing how that can affect your emotions. I intended to stop at Aldi's and use some gift certificates I had bought off my cousin. Unfortunately I forgot that the Aldi's I was going to closed at 7pm and it's what time I was planning on shopping at. I'll have to go on Monday after taking Michelle to work (or before picking her up). Unfortunately I also forgot to stop at the tractor supply store for chicken feed which we're out of. So Tom loaded them up with catfood for now. I guess we'll have to run to a closer town and get some feed for them today.

Danielle spent most of Friday morning in my lap. Poor me. lol I couldn't get enough of hugging the snot out of her. It was hard to send the kids off to school. I just wanted to keep them home and catch up. But they went and we survived.

I find myself thinking about redoing things in the house. I'm not unhappy with my house, just rethinking how things could be more enjoyable. The way the livingroom is set up with the new to us sectional and our old couch has left a lot to be desired....but we really need all the seating in here that they give us. During the day it's almost impossible to walk in the house between the couch and computer desks. There's no room for the shoes. So the thought of knocking out walls to the little bedroom (which Danielle and Sean should be moving into) have been on my mind. To add about 10 ft onto the livingroom would be great!

Being at my cousin's house and working in her galley kitchen has left me rethinking my kitchen set up too. I like the easy of going from sink to stove to fridge with only steps was great. Unfortunately she didn't have any work space. (not that I have tons but I do have the kitchen table). So now I'm thinking of how to expand my dining area (so we can sit at the table easily), add a sink island, move over my fridge, and add counters and cabinets.

Oh if only I knew then what I know now!!! Sometimes I think it would be easier to just sell this place and rebuild. Then I remember how hard it was to build this place, especially on Tom and he was 20 yrs younger! And I know that it's a stupid idea. I just need to go back to being content with the space I have. That we're not in jeopardy of losing it like a lot of people out there are. That in about 10 years, it will be ALL ours! woohoo!

Ok...I've rambled long enough. If we're going to have a Super Bowl "party", I need to get moving around here. I still have groceries on the kitchen floor to put away.

HOME!!!

I am finally home. It was a very busy and emotional time down in Florida. I'm very glad we went...it was where I needed to be. But I am oh so glad to be home again. There is so much that I want to talk about but time is limited as I'm catching up with the kids before school (they were in bed when we got home at midnight). So for now I'll just say....I am very blessed! I don't know how many times I've cried or almost cried since I walked in the door last night. Not so much for my cousin and what she's going through. But because of the realization of what I've been given and everything I have. When Tom and I went to bed he held me and I broke down. To know that he loves me and how much I love him. To have him there next to me...healthy and strong. Oh my goodness!!!

We're on our way

Yesterday was insanely busy. I did the impossible...I did ALL the laundry! I even dug into things in my room and put a dent into the laundry room mess. (looking for warmer weather clothes) I was going like gangbusters and had to restrain myself from doing too much in those rooms as I didn't have enough time to finish everything. I'm just hoping that I didn't use so much propane drying the clothes that Tom and the kids run out while I'm gone. I'm a bit sad I couldn't stay home and enjoy the empty hampers. Ok, they didn't actually stay empty for long, people took showers getting ready for bed.

Tom drove me to my parents' house last night. Unfortunately there was a bit of lake effect falling and the roads were horrible. I thought we should've turned around and went back home. My dad couldn't picked me up in the morning. It was so late (had to get Michelle from work first) and he still had to get home. Although I did offer to let him sleep with me at my parents'. lol I guess it took him forever to get home. I found out this afternoon that he called into work because he was so tired.

My dad and I left NY at 7:30am today. We are now in Dunn, NC at a Hampton Inn, Sean is snoring next to me on the bed. My dad is laying on the other bed, wondering WHY I would bother to write to/for people I don't know. (he's not too into the net and doesn't get it...thinks blogs are for conceited people who think they are important enough for others to want to read about them. lol) We're getting up bright and early (or is it dark since the sun will still be sleeping?) and getting back on the road by 7:30 again. Hopefully we'll get to my cousins by 5 or 6 pm.

My dad has felt sorry for Sean all day. He kept saying, poor guy, it's hard to sit in that seat all day. Sean has actually done pretty well. He's good for about an hour and then wants OUT of his seat. I can hold him off for another 1.5 hrs with a LOT of entertaining. Needless to say my crocheting is NOT getting done like I'd hope it would, but that's ok.

Sean's been a doll at all our stops. I never noticed how quiet he gets in public. I knew he got "shy" but he literally stops talking and only points. And of course trying to get him to smile, is still almost impossible. Still he loves to interact with people and doesn't miss a chance to wave HI to anyone. He's chumming up with Grandpa pretty thick which has my dad tickled pink.

I'm hoping tomorrow goes as well as today. I'm afraid that Sean's tolerance will be a lot shorter and of course the toys I brought are old now. I don't do well in the back seat (get carsick) but I think I'll be sitting back there a good bit of the day.

Well, my dad is nodding off watching the weather report. I'm not too far from falling asleep either so I'm closing up shop for the night. Now if only I can fall asleep and STAY asleep. Last night I was up at least 3 times between 1 and 6:30am.

Tossing and turning

My sleep habits stink lately, a sure sign I'm getting old. Going to bed earlier then ever means I'm up earlier then ever. I can't remember a night when I didn't have a middle of the night tossing and turning session. Some days I can manage to get back to sleep, others I can't. When I'm really lucky, I can manage to sneak out of bed without waking Sean. (he's such a light sleeper!) So here I am...laptop in lap, white clothes in the washer, a load of darks in the dryer. I'm shooting to get all the laundry done today. I didn't manage to get any done this weekend. The darks that are in the dryer got rewashed quite a few times though...they should be sparklin'.

I got one of my most dreaded phone calls yesterday. It was from my cousin in Florida, her husband had passed. He'd been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in the beginning of June. I haven't physically seen her since July '07 but we've been keeping in contact on a regular basis.

My dad is driving down on Wednesday and I can tag along if I want. Tom and the kids want me to go. I'm torn...a week to 10 days is a long time to be away from everyone. I'd miss them terribly and the place will fall apart without me. OK, I know that second part isn't true but... The logistics is mindnumbing, especially since Tom has NO vacation days until the beginning of May.

I think I just worked out the last of the major problems. UB walked in the house while I was throwing in the white clothes. I asked him if he could drive Michelle to work on days when Drew, Cory, or Pat couldn't. He said sure, no problem. Now I just have to get a set in stone commitment from Val that she'll be here the whole time to get the kids on the bus and watch Danielle. (I'm taking Sean)

So my work is cut out for me....laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, and packing...and none of it will wait...Perfect working conditions. Now if I can just squash the guilt bug that's eating at me... Someone please tell me it's ok to go. That they'll survive without me. That this opportunity won't come around again and I should grab it. That my cousin could really use my support right now and I'd be a bum if I didn't help her when I could. Not to mention how glorious it'll be to be out of the snow and cold for a few days.

Hmmmm, I just realized. Traffic is probably going to suck around the capital on Wed with everyone going home from the inauguration. My dad better not stick me with the beltway driving again! When I was pg for Carrie I drove down to Wilmington NC with him for a few days. We were visiting my brother who was living down there. My dad barely let me drive but on the ride home had decided he needed a break in Virginia. He swore he'd take the wheel back before we hit the beltway...well it didn't happen and I got stuck driving it. It wasn't a pretty sight. Kudos to those that do it on a regular basis.

Well it's too early to be making any noise cleaning, so I think I'll go make some lists. Maybe I'll try to jump on the treadmill, I've been really lax in getting to that.

I'm back

The mailman brought me my new laptop cord yesterday. I walked in the door at 5:30 and was on the laptop by 5:45. :o) I have a lot of things I want/need to do on here (find egg cartons, new crochet projects, circle loom patterns, catch up with my friends, write on my blogs...which I've obviously started, pay some bills...booo!)

Jake is home from school today. He looked like he was dragging and saying he didn't feel good. I've heard that so much since Christmas break has been over that I was blowing him off and telling him to get ready anyways. While I was making scrambled eggs he came up and asked me to look at his throat. I noticed his rosy cheeks and kissed his forehead...he was HOT! UGH! I'd have felt horrible if I'd forced him to get on the bus. Hopefully it's not strep and it'll be gone soon.

This weekend is a long weekend for the kids and Tom (I think for him) due to Martin Luther King Jr Day on Monday. I was hoping that it'd be a 4 day weekend with a snow day today but they only had a 2hr delay. The district was nice enough to call in the delay the night before. I'm still trying to decide if that was a good thing or not...knowing ahead that you have extra time in the morning. 2 extra hours and they were still scrambling to get out to the bus when it pulled up. It's absolutely frigid out and thankfully I don't have to go anywhere...Michelle has today off! Woohoo!

I'm working on catching up on the laundry. I've got it down to about 6 loads which is about one day's work. The kids have their rooms pretty well taken care of so I know piles won't suddenly appear. Once that's done then there's the decision of whether to start working in my room or clean up the laundry room both of which will create a mass amount of laundry. (my room holds extra clothes and blankets which need to be rewashed). I'd love to get our room in order and create a space for Tom and I. We're really hurting on time together. To be able to disappear into a room we can relax and unwind in together would be wonderful. Then again my laundry is in really bad shape and needs so much work. Either one I work on will stir up my allergies and I'll feel like garbage for a while afterwards, so that isn't a factor in the decision. Oh well, actually I'll just be ecstatic if I can finish the laundry in the hall right now.

I don't think I mentioned it here yet but Tom has gotten a promotion!!! He was on probation for 6mos but as of Dec 19th he is permanent. We consider ourselves pretty blessed since the county is now looking at all positions to see if they can reduce/consolidate. Anyone in their position temporarily , provisionally or on probation is at risk of being knocked back down into their old position. In the past Tom's new position was one that was mentioned as being dissolved. Now that he's permanent, for that to happen would be very difficult and we're not at risk at the moment. As the economy worsens though, they've said all cards are on the table...including the possibility of layoffs, so there's always a risk. The good thing though is he'll always have a job. It may be back where he started from and at a far lesser pay, but at least he'll be getting paid. After all, sewers will always be needed, so thanks America for flushing.

OK...I've rambled on long enough. The laundry won't do itself and I have some projects in the kitchen going on. Hope everyone's weekend is a great one.

My lifeline has left the building

Started on 1/12

The cord for my laptop bit the dust. That didn't take long. I've ordered a new one and hopefully it'll be here by the end of the week, beginning of next. I've been trying to devise a gadget to put the cord through so it doesn't get stressed when moved about.

It's funny how we become accustomed to things so quickly. At first I didn't like my laptop and not being at a desk. Now, I can't seem to live without it. I don't know how many times this weekend I sat on the couch and said...If I had my laptop I could show you X. Or didn't bother to look up what I originally thought to because it involved kicking a kid off a computer or getting out off my rear.

You'd think without a computer I'd have tons of freetime to work on my house. Well I did but I didn't. I'm a great time waster with or without the computer. There's an Xbox 360 to play, crocheting to do, circle loom knitting to help the kids with. Not feeling well helped rationalize sitting with a game controller in my hand all day Saturday. My garden on Viva Pinata grew a LOT and I'll be the next Buddy Rich in no time thanks to Rock Band and Guitar Hero on Tour.

Continued on 1/15 @ 7:30am

I really thought I'd be fighting the kids for the desktops while I waited for my laptop cord (it's been shipped USPS priority so should be here by tomorrow or Sat at the latest), but I haven't. Yeah, I'm missing it with my morning coffee. I'm missing having almost instant access to anything and everything without getting off the couch. I'm missing catching up with friends so easily. (need to work on my blog list!!!) But overall, it's no big deal, I can wait. Maybe it's because I know it's temporary. Maybe it's because I needed a bit more time to concentrate on things around here. Whatever it is, I'm enjoying it.

I had to laugh Tues night though. Danielle was driving me crazy (Sean was sleeping). I was at the computer desk chatting away and she wanted to lay in my lap and go to sleep. I couldn't do it! I tried...I really did. I just couldn't find the room in my lap nor type while holding her...yet I'd done it for years on end before the laptop came along. I had to actually cut chat short and take her to bed. It wasn't a huge sacrifice since I'd been up since 2:30am and was fitting to stay awake anyways. (crazy sleep schedule lately)

Today it's frigid out and I have to be on the road most of it. Michelle is due to work at 10:30, Carrie had a looong put off eye appointment at 1:30 and I have pick up Michelle at 4:15. I was hoping I could find someone to pick up Michelle so I could stay in the city and visit with my parents. No luck so far, but I'm still working on it.

Well I've gotten everyone but Luke out the door for school. Little ones are up, need breakfast and baths before we start running. Hopefully my laptop will be up and running and I can catch up this weekend. (It's amazing how long things take without my bookmarks and passwords.)

Quick post to say

YEAH!!! My school kids are heading home! No they aren't throwing up. It's so bad out that the school is letting kids out before lunch. Carrie and Luke will get out in 10 mins. The elementary kids will be let out an hour after that. Now I'm glad I fell asleep and didn't get Olivia on the bus. Hopefully the bus will get through without a problem.

Now if only Michelle's work would call and say they're closing and she doesn't need to come in. Maybe the doppler is wrong and it's not just as bad down there..yeah right. Hmmm I wonder what Drew's doing today.

This couch is getting crowded!

Eileen and Jake are the newest members of the bucket brigade. Liz is on the sidelines waiting for the signal to join in. Carrie and Luke were the only ones to get on the bus this morning. I'm hoping I don't get a call from the school nurse wanting me to come pick either one up. I called and canceled Carrie's TODAY study appt this morning, much to Carrie's chagrin. I'm not leaving Liz home to babysit if she's sick too.

Our night went fairly well. Danielle was kind enough to hold off on needing assistance in the wee hours of the morning. Still sleeping on the couch with 2 little ones doesn't really involve a lot of sleep. After the kids got on the bus I grabbed a nursing Sean and jumped into bed. AHHHHH to lay totally horizontal. My original intention was just to lay down and spread out for a few minutes. I promptly fell asleep for an hour. Image Olivia's surprise to find herself still in her bed at 9:30. I told her she has to throw up now. :o)

It's horrible out with lake effect white out conditions. Michelle has to work at 2:15 and I'm wishing I hadn't had her call into work yesterday. I could've had her do it today. She has a few requested days off on Fri and Sat so not sure she'd be able to call in before a "vacation". I'll just have to drive slowly and carefully. It'll also allow me to run to Walmart and grab a few sick day supplies like soda, popsicles, crackers, paper towels and bathroom cleaner. Wish they carried a germ proof suit in my size.

Who's next?

The lucky winner is Danielle. :o(

Sean spent all day Tues in my lap. Carrie and Luke didn't go to school so Carrie helped me in the morning, Luke in the afternoon. Sean was done throwing up early in the morning but ran a fever and was out of it for the rest of the day. Even today he still has some yucky effects from the bug. I'd almost rather deal with the throwing up to tell you the truth. I wasn't convinced he was done so we spent another night on the couch. I was SO looking forward to getting back to my bed tonight. Oh well.

Danielle woke up this morning and reported that her "belty" hurt. (she tends to add stray L's to some words) I was hoping she'd be spared the throwing up aspect since she was running around with the kids all day. Yep, they were all home...it was a snow day due to freezing rain and ice! I had Michelle call into work. Imagine my guilt when I found out the main roads were clear. Oh well, I have to work with what I know and I knew our roads were horrible!

My hopes of a light case of the bug was squashed around dinner time. Eileen, Olivia and Danielle were taking a bath when I heard a commotion and some girls screaming. Danielle had thrown up and had made a mess. Poor thing, she kept saying....I told you I sick!

So I've spent tonight with Danielle on my lap. There's one problem...when she's on my lap she blocks my nursies! Sean doesn't like his limited access to nursing. My lap isn't big enough for Sean and Danielle. It's going to be a looong night on the couch again. Hopefully it won't be a night that Sean wakes up a lot.

Danielle is a sweetie even when she doesn't feel well. I had Tom pick up a jug of ginger ale and she's loving it. Her eyes are barely open and she's asking for her soda...then unfortunately she asks for her bucket. I'm hoping the bug has run it's course for her by morning. And of course there's the question everyone's wondering....Who's next? My guess...either me or Liz. Hopefully if Tom gets it it hits on the weekend...he can't take any time off from work for a few months.

Now I have to decide what I'm going to do tomorrow...Carrie is suppose to go to her TODAY study appt tomorrow. Either I'll cancel it or take Liz up on her offer of leaving school early and watching Danielle for me. Guess we'll see how the night plays out first. I know I'll be tempted to cancel but then I'll just have to deal with the appt in a week or so...it's not going away.

Thia...I didn't realize you were from this area...too cool! I really liked Lights on the Lake. I also liked how the houses that lined the park joined in with the fun. I had to laugh when my kids became awestruck by a HUUUUGE decorated tree displayed inside someone's home. I had never seen the display before although everyone else had. (except the 2 little ones) Before the lights officially open Tom's work has held a "stroll through the lights" night. Tom has taken the kids a few times. It was one of the reasons the bigger kids weren't interested in going. Thanks for your support over my Sunday vent, I appreciate it. I do think the holidays have something to do with it. Especially when I feel it accentuates the divide. :o(

Lisa...UGH! I guess I should be thankful that this hit now. I couldn't imagine having to deal with (or not deal with) Christmas at the same time. I hope you are finally over it and everyone is back to their normal self (whatever that is lol). I thank you too for the support on Sunday. I know you know how I feel. Although I wish it wasn't so, it's kinda nice to know I'm not alone.

Our turn

I was jumping out of bed with Sean in my arms before I fully understood why. Then it dawned on me...that sound...the undeniable sound of a toddler throwing up. He stops throwing up and I survey the damage...a pillowcase in need of a change and a shower for Sean. Seems I lucked out. While cleaning Mr Man up my hopes that he just gagged while coughing are crushed...round 2 starts. It's then I realize, it's our turn for the stomach bug going around our friends.

I grab a big bowl, blankets and towels and head to the couch...the "NEW" couch! We settle in and have a few rounds of dry heaves. Dry heaves are no fun, in a baby they are pathetically cruel. Sean gets mad at the bowl in front of him and wants it gone NOW! He finally dozes off. I sit here watching and listening for signs...changes in breathing, hard swallows, stomach tightening. It's going to be a long night.

Then another country is heard from...Danielle. Luckily she just woke up and needed to see where we disappeared to. As she climbs onto the couch I realize no one put a diaper on her before bed. UGH! She's been dry most nights butb what if tonight isn't one of those nights. So I finangle my way over to the box of diapers without waking Sean who's still in my arms. Then manage to fight a diaper on her. Just as I finish Sean decides it'd be a good time for more dry heaves and then he wants to nurse.

Nursing a baby who's throwing up is just wrong. You know it's not going to stay down. But what todo when a baby wants the comfort of nursing. Besides I don't want him to get dehydrated. So I nurse him and sure enough, a bucket is needed soon afterwards.

It's just about 3hrs now since we started. Hopefully Sean stays snoozing in my lap for a few hours without incident. Danielle is sleeping n...and there goes Sean. :o( Anyways hopefully everyone can get some sleep for a bit. Too bad the snow storm wasn't hitting this morning instead of tomorrow morning, I could really go for a snow day. Actually what I really could go for is a shower. I feel like I'm covered in....never mind. Let's just say I REALLY want a shower and hope I'm not the next victim. Guess I won't be going to my 10:15 appt today since it was for Sean and Danielle.

Typing one handed (and left at that) is hard, so time to stop.

Just to give you an idea

I thought you'd like a glimpse into how things usually go for me. For the past year, I've been dealing with our propane company of almost 20yrs. We use propane for our stove, clothes dryer and hot water tank. Our hot water tank is old and very inefficient therefore we have to keep it turned up high for us to have a supply of hot water. This means that we go through propane very quickly. 100 gallons isn't enough to last us a whole month. Unfortunately our tank only holds 100 gals. This leads us to have to monitor our supply and then ration usage near the end, hoping it'll last until we get a delivery. Most months it doesn't and we go at least a day or two without a stove, dryer and hot water.

I've asked for almost a year to be given a bigger tank. I've asked for almost a year to be put back on automatic delivery. I don't blame them for dropping us from auto delivery originally but that was YEARS ago...money was very tight and we weren't always caught up on our bill. (although I don't think I've ever gone 60 days overdue) Nowadays though things are different. All I ever hear when I call is...I'll see what we can do. It's frustrated me to the point of tears almost every month.

We've discussed leaving this company every month. Unfortunately it's not so easy to do. You have to wait to have them pick up their tanks until it's almost empty. Then you have to pay delivery and tank charges to the new company on top of paying for the tank of propane. Some companies won't come to deliver a new tank until the old one is removed from the property. It's a huge hassle.

Tom talked to the company's owner in the beginning of Dec and he assured Tom that we did need a bigger tank and they would deliver a 2nd tank in a week or two. He assured us we'd get a delivery the next day, on 12/5 and agreed we could be put on auto delivery. Well no 2nd tank appeared as of last Monday (the 29th) and we were on the verge of running out. So Tom called them that morning, inquiring about the tank and auto delivery. Receptionist says...I can't make that decision, the owner has to and she took Tom's cell number. Owner never called Tom back.

I held back the payment waiting to see how things worked out. Afterall, I don't want anymore of their gas if this is going to continue. Knowing that we're on the verge of running out though I couldn't let the delivery be too far in the future. This weekend I decided I'd finally write the letter I'd been threatening to do and enclose it with their check. Tom drove up there yesterday and personally dropped it off in their drop box. When he arrived home he brought in the mail that no one had gotten on Saturday. There was a bill from the propane company...they had delivered propane on the 30th!!!! How did I miss that? Tom asked if I wanted him to go retrieve the letter. I said no, you can't (you insert it into a mail slot) and it's still true...except for being on the verge of running out. We still have a problem that I want resolved.

Still I feel like an idiot. Here I was carrying on and on about how we have to watch the tank, ration (and we had been doing that all week!), etc and yet I didn't know that we had a full tank. *heavy sigh* I guess we'll see how this month goes because income tax return check should be here in a month or so. Switching companies will be at the top of my list of how to spend it if this continues. (along with replacing our hot water tank...dropping our propane usage and saving us money). No one has called so far today. I know someone has to have seen my letter. There was no way to get to the check without opening the letter. So now we wait...tick, tock, tick, tock.

First whole week of the new year

After I posted yesterday I felt terrible. I hate to put Tom in a bad light. He is a great man and I love him to death. He works hard for this family, too hard IMO. Yes, he has his faults, we all do. I just have to remember that this situation is perfect for me. We're all given challenges and a divided home is one of mine. Besides I do have hope that the divide will someday be gone. :oD

I finally decided that Sean was too sick to go and talked to Liz. She was fine with taking Eileen and Olivia and asked if she could take Danielle too. While getting them ready to leave I thought...I may as well go! The only thing I'm saving on doing is my showering and dressing (Sean had a messy diaper and needed a shower and changing so no saving work with him staying home). Now to just remember that fact when I'm tempted to stay home for no good reason.

While Sean isn't feeling so hot, his cough was an early morning gunk thing. I don't remember hearing it after his shower. He was complaining later in the day that his head hurt though. Nose wiping needs decreased later in the day too. Maybe he's on the upswing of this. He's a terrible nurser when he's stuffed up. He bites something horrid!!! I almost weaned him last time he had a cold. It's not that bad this time, so no immediate plans for that. I often wonder though if he'd sleep better once he's weaned. If mom isn't offering anything, there's nothing to wake up for.

We had an adventure last night. About 6pm Michelle realized that it was the last night for Lights on the Lake. She'd gotten a free ticket for it as a gift from work. She suggested we not waste it and take the kids on the spur of the moment. I was leary at first since a "winter event" was suppose to occur that evening. I heard by 3pm, by 5pm, by 7pm. Nothing was happening out and I didn't see anything in particular on the local doppler so we decided to go.

We have to drive by a portion of the display on our way to the entrance. I pointed it out and Sean shouts...OOOOOOOOOh Woooooooooow! I thought....yeah we have a winner, he's going to love it! You drive VERY slowly through the display so we opted to let Sean and Danielle out of their carseats. Danielle was gaagaa over all the lights and colors. Sean was tickled with it...for the first few displays. After that...he was done! He was sitting on my lap and fidgeting. Unfortunately for me that also includes throwing his head back and head butting me in the face. Not fun, but I made it through without any major bumps and bruises.

We had decided to get dinner at McD's on the way home. The kids caught wind of our conversation and begged...PLEASE can we eat inside. When I explained this place doesn't have a playplace to run around in they still wanted to go in. It's something they very rarely do, especially as a family. So in we went and dinner we had. When we were finished I placed a second order for the kids left at home and we headed to the car. Problem was...everything was now covered in a very thin layer of ice...a very slippery layer.

We had just warned the kids of how slippery it was and to be careful when Jake stepped off the sidewalk and into the parking lot. DOWN he went, smacking his elbow (he never complained about it though so I think it's ok). As he attempted to get back on his feet he managed to sweep Eileen's legs out from under her and down she went. She complained that she hurt her shin but again, I'm pretty sure she's ok. We all had our hands full, I managed to grab hold of the collar of Danielle's coat just before she went down. She made it to the van by pretty much being dragged. She looked like a puppet with her shoulders being pulled up to her ears by my grasp.

Tom drove home VERY slowly (took 30-45mins to drive 15 miles) We were on our road, about a mile from home when Tom uttered the words...We made it HOME! I shot back...not yet so don't say that! The words no sooner left our mouths when the van started driving sideways down the road, heading to the edge of a very steep embankment and into a field with a pond. Tom managed to correct the van before it left the road. He mentioned pulling over and walking home. I reminded him that some of us weren't dressed well enough for that. (practically all of us actually) He stated...it's better to walk and be cold then to be crashed off the road. I reminded him that not only would we be walking, we would also be carrying two little ones the rest of the way home. Needless to say he kept on driving very slowly down the road. We managed to pull into the driveway without further incident. PHEW!

Everyone went to bed expecting school to be delayed in the morning. It wasn't. Oh well, maybe they'll have better luck with the next storm that's due to hit us on Tues night/Wed morning. These storms hitting every few days are starting to wear thin! Is it spring yet?

Sunday morning vent

Hmmm seems Sundays and I don't click very well. I guess I can honestly say that I dread them....always have. When I was kid it was the need to be really quiet so my mom could sleep in. There was nothing on tv to occupy us. There was also the desire to go to church with my dad that we very rarely did.

Nowadays it's still along the same lines. Me up with the littles, trying to keep them quiet so everyone can sleep in. Not that I want to be sleeping too....that's a waste of time. Then there's the church dilemma. There are times when I have to physically fight the urge to be mad at Tom. To leave me hanging here all alone to deal with the kids' religious upbringing. I know he likes the church, probably even loves it. Then why leave it all to me?

I hate being divided. To want to spend the day at home with my husband on his day off (Saturdays are usually dump and errand day...lots of running). To want and NEED to be at church with the friends. To have my kids be there...that's even more important to me. That they experience it. But with only one me at the helm, they miss out.

Right now I'm sitting here trying to decide within the next hour if Sean is too sick to go to the meeting. Is he a risk to all the little kids there? Is he too miserable? Will he allow me to even hear anything? Or am I just looking for an excuse to not have to deal with the divide?

He's not feverish but he's green. This morning he's been coughing with gagging and gasping. But is it just early morning gunk that'll disappear in a bit? Or what?

If it wasn't only me there'd be no question...I'd stay home with Mr Greeny and Tom would take the rest. But that's not how it is. I'm fighting the urge to just sit here and cry. I guess I'm not winning since Danielle just asked me why I'm watering. LOL And now she's asking for noodles...for breakfast!1

I'm starting to wonder if Liz is old enough to be responsible for everyone. Would sending Olivia on up without me be ok? Or again, am I just trying to avoid the divide? .

Well only half an hour left until we need to start getting ready. I'm not any closer to deciding or being at peace then I was when I started this. Guess I should get off of here and work on things....both inward and outward.

Happy 2009!

We had a busy New Year's eve. Michelle had to work so I dropped her off and ran to Walmart to grab a few things...the place was mobbed! Then it was back home to make the dessert for our New Year's feast at church. I made a pineapple upside down cake which I've been wanting. As usual I made too much cake batter (tripled the recipe) and it ended up HUGE. I can never tell how much batter my aluminum lasagna pan takes...it's an odd size but I love it! It's the one pan I've had since I was married (was a shower gift).

Having to wait for the cake to bake left us leaving for the feast later then I'd wanted to. I'd wanted to get there early so the kids could jump in the bouncy house before we ate. To top it off I got stuck in the driveway for almost half an hour. I'd still be there if Tom hadn't come home from work and helped Luke push me out. ;o)

We had burgers and fries for dinnner which were YUMMY! I haven't had a homemade burger in forever. I could pretty much eat them everyday. Beef is my favorite food group.

The kids had lots of fun running around with family and friends, jumping in the bouncy house, and playing games. Even a bunch of us moms got a chance in the bouncy house. lol It only showed me just how out of shape I am. The huffing and puffing was quite severe.

Tom had to stay home due to being on call. His phone doesn't have reception over at church. I felt so sorry for him, no one should have to spend a festive evening like that alone. I think he was in bed by 10.

New Year's day was low key. I made split pea soup and we had snacks most of the day. Michelle had to work so Eileen, Olivia and I took her then we headed to JoAnn's Fabric. They had all their yarn on sale. My sister had given Olivia a set of circle looms for Christmas and I've been crocheting, so we needed to stock up...and we did. It was so funny, the girls kept saying...don't look anymore mom! No mom! Head to the register! But did I listen...NO! I kept thinking of something else I wanted to look for. Luckily looking didn't lead to too much more in my cart. I ran into one problem though... they didn't have the color yarn I need right now! I'm working on a shell stitch blanket and need one more skein. Guess I'll have to take the JoAnn's ad to Walmart and price match. So until I get that skein, I'm working on a second blanket and am enjoying it. Unfortunatately it means not much else is getting done around here.

Yesterday was the last day of Christmas vacation. *heavy sigh* I am NOT ready for the kids to go back to school. I love the laid back days we've had. Not worrying about homework being done, appropriate bedtimes being held too, dragging kids out of school, dealing with kids who don't feel well wanting to stay home. Do you think I can figure out a way to stop the clock before Monday morning? Hey! Maybe we'll have a snow day. LOL

Sean isn't feeling so great. In the morning he wakes up green and goopy. Usually during the day it's eased a bit. Wed night he started a cough that I thought might be a reaction to the bouncy house (it smelled musty). Unfortunately he's still coughing. Not tons but it's there. Yesterday he was feverish for a short time. Tom's still coughing from his cold a few weeks ago. Hope Sean doesn't have the same thing.

Today I'm hoping to get the Christmas tree down. We usually keep it up until after Little Christmas (Jan 6th) but since we got the new furniture it's been stuck in my kitchen. It's not lit and no one can really see it, not to mention it's taking up prime floor space!

My alone time is up, Sean is crying in bed. Maybe I'll nurse him and see if there's any more sleep left in him, I doubt it but it's worth a try. :o)